Tired and Bullied

I haven't been sleeping well lately.  I can't shut off my head.  So many things coming at me like an onslaught.

Last week our family had the wonderful privilege of taking a trip to Pigeon Forge,TN.  I highly recommend it for families of all ages there is so much to do and to see a week is not nearly long enough.  We stayed in a cabin that has the most beautiful and calming view.  The first thing  I noticed was the silence.  Just a few birds chirping a dog barking way off in the distance.  When I walk outside my door I usually am encountered with sounds of traffic, sirens, dogs barking( and there are a lot in my neighborhood with owners that think it's fine and their dog shouldn't have to be quiet at night).  Chaos.  Noise.  Pressure, stress.  Busy schedules sometimes so busy we can't see straight and miss important things.  Was great to get out of the city to find some peace.

Our family visited some attractions there at Pigeon Forge.  MagiQuest(highly recommended) where you get your own wand and can become a wizard for 90 minutes fullfilling quests.  I hear there's one in Kansas City too which is a lot closer to St Louis so we might venture there next.  The cool thing is my wand will remember everything I've already done it keeps tabs so I can pick up where I left off.  They also had a magnificent mirror maze.  It was remarkable!  I've never had so much fun being confused in my life!  So many times you reach out to a family member to see if they're real and touch a mirror instead.  Magnificent fun!  They also had a laser challenge which our now 4 year old daughter aced.  She figured if she tummy crawled like she was in the army under all the lasers she could do that a lot faster than trying to walk through and over them.  Clever girl.  They also had a glow in the dark pirate mini golf course which if you keep control of your kids and participate with them ( unlike a family that came in after us and let their kids go to any hole they wanted and rush through the whole thing in 5 mins waste of money) it can last a very long time and there's so many things to discover along the way.  I think my kids favorite besides the pirate statues was the pirate ship.  Cannons with buttons and loud booming noises can go a long way lol.

We ventured for lunch to the Mellow Mushroom.  If you have one in your area the Maui Wowie is to die for!  Best pizza I've ever had!  They made the crust to order too I prefer thin crust and as I'm now diabetic I have to watch carbs, fat and sodium.  This is a must have pizza!  The staff was fantastic we found out our waiter was in training but honestly you couldn't tell he did so well.

Wednesday it rained and even snowed a bit that evening.  But we had a great day together as a family.  That evening we talk our kids how to play poker using cheerios, raisins, hot chocolate packets, kit kat bars, and maple cookies from Aldi( my absolute favorite cookie) as our money chips.  We did that for a couple of hours was so much fun!  Sometimes just plain goofing off, sitting around talking about nothing is the best!  Well that and your kids might let you in a little more what's going on with them in a non threatening environment like that.  Take the time to talk to your kids the dinner table is the best place ever for that!

Thursday we ventured out again to a place called Wonder Works.  Upside down mansion.  Our favorite part?  The entrance passed the lobby.  The virtual spinning room with bright spinning lights and basic steel walkway that isn't even moving.  We could not stand up straight!  We were all laughing so hard we were crying.  Was so fun once we got through it we went back and forth  a couple times challenging each other not to touch the railing for support.  There was falling.  But no one got hurt just laughed their heads off.  They had bike that you have to pedal to make yourself go over.  Was hilarious to watch our teenagers as sometimes they didn't make it over lol.  They also went overhead onto the rope challenge.  Suspended rope bridges and stairs in layers and layers above the room with their harnesses.  Our youngest opted for the life size "wonder brite" ( light brite) down below.  We played a life size piano, there was a bed of nails, a -2C titanic cold water challenge that our 15 year old daughter Brittany surpassed with 3 mins.  No one else could do it that long.  We found the giant bubble room where you could put a bubble right over each other, crazy artwork that plays with your head and a military challenge with military grade weapons and vehicle ( virtual of course no real bullets or targets lol) that was hard to do.  Thankyou to all the armed forces for all that you do for this country by the way.  It isn't easy in any aspect and our family appreciates it.

Friday..........(sighs) Friday our van broke down on the interstate.  The transmission died.  We were stuck on the side of the road for almost an hour and managed to get it into first gear to find an exit and get off.  It took Allstate roadside forever to find someone that could help us apparently tow trucks having to tow families of 5 versus one or two people is unheard of in that area.  We were towed eventually van and all to Williamsburg, KY.  Thankful is the word.  Thankful for Gary the tow truck driver, thankful for the mechanic, and thankful that we were all safe.  A LOT of truckers on that interstate and sitting ducks with our kids that long was nerve wracking.  Unfortunately we had to rent a van to drive home in.  We have rented it for the week in hopes that we can drive back to pick up our van this weekend and drop off the rental and make it back home safely.

Since last Friday I have not slept passed 5 hours.  I'm tired, I can't eat, I have so much on my plate personally and otherwise that my mind will not shut off and get the rest it needs.  It is always calculating and figuring things out and the best way to handle all my challenges.  It's doing it simultaneously the best it can and that's great and all but I'm so tired.  I'm about to turn into a moody teenager and we already have two of those.  I feel emotionally bullied, put in my place.  It's terrible because I'm still responsible for all these things.  I choose to face my challenges best I can but there are a lot of serious ones all at once.  Lots and lots of prayers have been offered to help me keep going.  Working so far and I'm sure I'll get through all of this happily somehow that's my goal.  In the meantime I really need the rest!  By the time I get to work out time I'd rather nap.  I work out anyway but come nighttime despite exhaustion I toss and turn the whole night through.  This too shall pass, right?

Feels so good!

Since my last doctor's appointment over a month ago I've been walking every morning except Fri and Sun at 9am (ish) to help lower my blood sugar and keep my heart healthy whilst I lower my caloric intake to lose weight.  The exercise doesn't make you lose weight but it can maintain a good metabolism to help you burn off extra calories throughout the day doing other things.  I am enjoying it so much I have to remind myself oh what time is it so I remember to stop and get other things done.  I was like this in high school so it feels really good to have that same determination to be active again.  Love it!

I limit my total carbs to 40-45g per meal.  I don't look at sugars but I do look at fiber because then I can take away for example a cookie that's 38g total carbs with 5 g fiber is considered 33g.  Carbohydrates (all carbohydrates) turn into sugar to feed our cells and excess sugar is stored as fat.  Natural sugars although better for you still need to be monitored depending on the fruit or vegetable for example I would have to choose a half baked potato or one slice of whole wheat bread.  Corn and carrots I have to be careful with also since these are starchy veggies.  You learn quick to find low carb low calorie foods to eat so you feel like you've eaten your fair share.  That doesn't mean that I don't want a donut it just means I have to willing to have only that versus a cup of ice cream with nuts and fruit.  And I don't mean the large donuts either.

I'm careful with sugars even if the carb ratio is fair for me to eat it and opt more often than not to share half with someone else so I don't get any spikes.  I'm on a medication called Metformin that gives me good and bad days.  It has infrequent side effects once your body is used to it and as I go I have a list of what I can't eat or handle because it will make me sick.  If I didn't have the medication I'd pass out I'm sure of it.  Although slamming back a bottle of water helps dilute the sugar in your blood but hopefully I won't always have to do that.  I'd rather just be careful.  Sodium you have to be careful with too.  Indulgences are few but I think my biggest thing is snacking.

First thing I did was head to the supermarket and look for organic and low carb snacks.  Ones that I could have a fair amount of for the calories and carbs.  It sure wasn't easy at first.  There's a lot of things I can't have.  But luckily a few that I already love that I still can.  I love chocolate covered almonds.  I buy the Walmart Great Value brand of cocoa dusted milk chocolate covered almonds.  I love them but have them sparingly.  A better alternative I found, for me, was Blue Diamond cocoa dusted almonds.  Can have slightly more less sugar less carbs.  There's a lot of snacks I really miss though prepare yourselves for an onslaught.

I miss DQ Blizzards, cheeseburgers, pizza with cheese in the crust, potato chips, cookies, chocolate chocolate chip muffins, brownies, toffee, buttered popcorn(especially in the theater), nachos, soft tacos ( it's better to have a salad I can have more of it), any type of chocolate(our family are all a bunch of chocoholics and although I love dark chocolate it's pretty much all I can have now), Big Macs, French fries, pears and bananas(they spike my sugars), Raisin Bran(my fav cereal), most cereals, mashed potatoes(can still have in small amounts preferably without gravy which bites the big one), biscuits and gravy, pancakes and syrup(even with sugar free syrup it's the pancake that spikes), Bacon ( too much sodium and fat), and many more.  Okay I'm done with my boo-fest now.  It's not like I ate all those things all the time it's just the knowing I can't or shouldn't that really bugs me.  Cheerios multigrain was the only cereal I found so far that works for me.

I figure if I have a meltdown then I do and I indulge as long as it's rare my body will be able to handle it.  There are already aches and pains associated with Diabetes and with Metformin so the combination of the the two at the moment is taking some getting used to.  I hate taking medications to begin with so adding even an Ibuprofen is not my thing.  I usually ride it out the best I can.  Regular exercise definitely helps.  I'm still working on my water intake.  I'm usually at around 6 cups a day which is low even for me.  I have to remind myself to eat dinner because by evening I'm never hungry anymore.  My Doc said it was fine not to do the whole diabetic evening snack if I wasn't hungry.  But I still have to manage dinner in there.  Sometimes I cry because I have to force myself to eat when I don't want to.  Ridiculous to you I'm sure but I can't take my meds so close together and like I said by the time we pass lunch even if I eat a small lunch just not hungry after that.  I'm working on it I'll keep trying and most of all it bugs me that I'm so emotional about it.  It's like being a child forced to eat her dinner when she's just not that hungry.

I have more good days than bad lately so that's a huge plus for me.  Less aches, less tired, less headaches.  And I look forward to exercising everyday!  Brightest part of my day now.  What's the brightest part of yours?

The Brighter Side

I'm sure you've all heard the song always look on the bright side of life at some point or another.  I use it to make fun of happy people that annoy me, or to annoy people that are grumpy about something stupid but at the moment I actually mean it.  We've also all heard the expression eat drink and be merry for tomorrow we die.  Not really wanting to be glutenous, or an alcoholic, or even annoyingly pleasant there is something to that.  Live in the now.  As Prof. Harold Hill says,"...You pile up enough tomorrows and you'll find you are left with nothing but a lot of empty yesterdays. I don't know about you but I'd like to make today worth remembering."

I'm fine planning certain things a week, two weeks, even a month in my future that pertain to big events usually surrounding family but as far as planning 10 years from now I'm learning that it isn't all that worrysome.  No one can see that far in the distance no matter what he claims.  And oh I know some of you grumbling out there about your retirements and 401k's I need to plan my future so I have one.  That's all fine and good but only relevant if you are continually doing something now that betters it somehow.  Working on the things you can prepare for.

Family values that turn into family traditions that are passed on from generation to generation.  Journal entries over a lifetime that your children and grandchildren and great-grandchildren can read, study, learn from, laugh and cry over.  Investments such as a home bought and paid for, musical instruments( if you play them), furniture, cars, stock something that is tangible versus the pile of money you keep in your bank account for a rainy day that collects nothing but dust and a few cents on the dollar.  Lessons on how to be self-sufficient, growing a garden, hunting, fishing, how to work with knives, rope, you know all that 'boyscout' stuff.  How to fix your own car, be your own electrician without killing yourself.  Worthy lessons.  These are the things we need to always work hard on teaching and mastering ourselves.

Education is vital to our growth and the growth of our communities and the world around us.  Disagreeing with something doesn't mean you should turn a blind eye to it in fact sometimes, at least for me the opposite occurs.  I want to know more, be better prepared if I need to challenge it somehow so I have a fighting chance.  Learning excites me.  I love the challenge and although rough at times with misunderstandings I thrive when I figure it out, learn something new, can do it myself.

Despite my health I keep going.  It's not always easy to be frank I've even prayed for death when I'm in enough pain.  All too quickly my mind changes to oh c'mon you can do this.  It hurts today, do what you, make what you want of it.  I have learned to talk with my children more on those days.  Work on becoming a better listener.  A better friend.  Even if I can't help around the house that day or cook dinner.  I know and my family I hope knows that next day could be different and I could have plenty of energy and mobility.  I hate feeling sick though.  Gets in my way all the time.

I like waking up thinking I only have to worry about today, today.  I'll worry about tomorrow, tomorrow.  I choose to make the most out of my todays.  I hope everyday is filled with laughter and hope, joy and love.  I do my best.  My best may fall short for others but let them worry about that.  I'll worry about me first.  My family's well being, my home, my friends.  It makes me look forward to all the possibilities of tomorrow when I don't worry about how it should go and just live in the moment of today.