Everyone's A Winner Debate Part One

“I came home to find out that my boys received two trophies for nothing, participation trophies! While I am very proud of my boys for everything they do and will encourage them till the day I die, these trophies will be given back until they EARN a real trophy. I'm sorry I'm not sorry for believing that everything in life should be earned and I'm not about to raise two boys to be men by making them believe that they are entitled to something just because they tried their best...cause sometimes your best is not enough, and that should drive you to want to do better...not cry and whine until somebody gives you something to shut u up and keep you happy. #harrisonfamilyvalues”

            When this statement by Pittsburg Steelers outside linebacker, James Harrison, hit Instagram it started a media storm on the ‘everyone’s a winner’ debate.  This issue has been ongoing for years with researchers, parents, and coaches facing off towards each other.  All seem to have an opinion, but the question remains, is the ‘everyone’s a winner’ mentality really affecting society in a negative way?  Is there a middle ground to be explored or is the answer firmly attached to one side of this controversy?

            There have been arguments suggesting that political correctness, which has been around since the 1970’s, has contributed to the sensitivity of our culture instead of the resilience.  However, Carol Dweck, a social psychologist at Stanford University, has another idea.  Dweck is well known for her research in motivation, personality, and development.  In her book Mindset: The New Psychology of Success, she describes two types of mindsets.  One, the fixed mindset, where people believe in their own capabilities and feel it unnecessary or even impossible to change.   And two, the growth mindset where people believe their capabilities aren’t cemented and feel there’s room to grow and develop through endurance and hard work.  She claims that people should understand their mindset in order to better self-regulate their behavior.

            Dweck believes that society is focusing too much on the first mindset more than it encourages the second.  The late 1960’s brought about the “self –esteem movement” which Dweck thinks may have inspired our current ‘everyone’s a winner’ migration.

            There are those who find the word competition leaving a bad taste in their mouths.  They strive to defend the position that children don’t need the added pressure.  Society will eventually weigh them down as they mature naturally.  They argue there is no harm in rewarding everyone for participating.

            The flip side of the coin is filled with individuals who snarl in disgust at the thought of  such shallow rewards.  It’s a laughable notion to consider.  Such individuals believe improvement, motivation, and perseverance are needed to instill confidence.  This side believes in the teaching tools of failure and the triumph of well-earned success.

Are We There Yet?

     So I began taking classes in Fall semester, which has been an incredible experience.  I love learning and two credit classes per semester it's perfect for a busy Mom.  At first, I thought, this will be a piece of cake, but alas it's been challenging and not at all easy.  This is my third and final, for the year, semester and I forgot how much writing I'm expected to do in university English but I'm remembering quickly.  I am looking forward to the semester's end, though, I like the thought of vacation time with family.

     My family has been as supportive as they can be, we are still indeed a busy family even in the so- called summer vacation months.  Both teenagers have part-time employment and are happy to feel that rush of independence.  Our little six-year-old, after a few weeks off, is back at homeschool working hard and enjoying the schedule she's grown accustomed to.  She doesn't do well with a lack schedule at all.  She thrives on a year-round school schedule, rather than several months off all at once.  Despite all our busy lives, we always find time to remember how much we love each other and that we are all in this life together.

     I have become more healthy these past months, taking my iron supplements faithfully every day.  The specialist now has me on three a day instead of two but sees progression with my anemia.  It was definitely affecting me all this time with fatigue and weight gain.  Such a vast difference now that we're getting my body back on track.  The only real side effect is cramping and I believe I've only ever experienced iron poisoning once thus far which I am grateful for.  Believe me, I have been praying a lot concerning my body handling and absorbing the iron it needs to help me feel well so I can manage and cope with all the daily tasks I have.  I love my family very much and live to serve them.

     Although I felt overwhelmed at first with adding my own schooling to my daughter's schooling, I feel I'm getting the hang of it now and look forward to pursuing some more degrees as I go.  Our oldest daughter has enrolled for BYU-I Pathway program herself to take freshmen classes while working full-time and is still running her own cleaning business.  We are so pleased with her choices to work hard and make her own way.  Our son sees the benefits of it already and is making his own plans to save now and feel more prepared when he graduates from high school.  It's wonderful to have such an educational-minded family.  All of us are never satisfied with the learning we have we always seem to want more.

     I feel that I get my desire to learn from my own parents' examples to further their knowledge no matter what age they are.  My father, in particular, loves the books I send that help him remember how things were and learn old ways with new ways on how to be more self-reliant.  It's been great to get feedback about the pioneer ways and interesting gardening ideas from these books.  I'll have to find out which ones he find the most helpful and pass them on in my next blog.  Such a great example that learning is a lifelong goal.

     Until next time, may God bless you and keep you safe.
  #familyrocks   #byuipathway

 

Prophets Weren't Meant to Be Perfect,but Perfected"

Faith is tough even for me,  it takes a constant effort sometimes to do your best and not give up.  It can be tiring, inconvenient, and even intimidating at times.  As a member of the LDS church, we are reminded daily of the responsibility of taking on ourselves, the name of Christ. Facebook, church members, daily scripture study, and prayer with our families to name a few.

 Sometimes I feel overwhelmed, but usually only when I'm not doing all I can or should be doing.  Like the Brother of Jared, I've forgotten to pray for long lengths of time, but unlike the Brother of Jared; I have never been rebuked by the Lord for three straight hours.  Like Jonah, I have tried to run away from the Lord, unlike Jonah it didn't take the belly of a whale to convince me I was wrong to run.  One day, I decided that I didn't want to be on anyone's team.  I didn't choose Christ and I didn't choose Satan.  I was going to sit on that fence until I died.  I was sitting in the middle of a Relief Society lesson when this happened.  I heard a voice say to me: 'you can't hide from me.  There is no corner of the universe that I will not find thee.'  It also said 'if you do not serve the Lord thy God then you serve the adversary for there is no fence.  The fence is a deception.'  In Matthew 6:24 it reads, " ¶No man can serve two masters: for either he will hate the one, and love the other; or else he will hold to the one, and despise the other. Ye cannot serve God and mammon [the world]."

"Not too many months ago I received a letter from a man who once thought he could have it both ways. He has now repented and has brought his life into compliance with gospel principles and commandments. I want to share with you a paragraph from his letter, for it represents the reality of flawed thinking: “I have had to learn for myself (the hard way) that the Savior was absolutely correct when He said, ‘No man can serve two masters: for either he will hate the one, and love the other; or else he will hold to the one, and despise the other. Ye cannot serve God and mammon.’8 I tried, about as hard as anyone ever has, to do both. In the end,” said he, “I had all of the emptiness, darkness, and loneliness that Satan provides to those who believe his deceptions, illusions, and lies.”  ( October 2011 General Conference, President Thomas S. Monson, "Dare to Stand Alone")

Like Captain Moroni, I have wanted to be of good courage and stand up for what's right no matter what it cost me; unlike Moroni, my faith wavers and I'm still struggling to be bold with my testimony of Jesus Christ.  Sometimes I lack such confidence or I'm so afraid of a confrontation I won't stand up for the truth, but stand in the shadows or wait to see how it plays out.  Sometimes unless it's happening to you why should you care about stepping in and doing something?  Why?  Matthew 25:5, "Verily I say unto you, Inasmuch as ye have done it unto one of the least of these my brethren, ye have done it unto me."  
Abinadi sealed his testimony of the gospel of Jesus Christ with his life.  With that testimony, Alma, who was the priest of a wicked ruler named King Noah that loved no one more than himself, believed Abiniadi's testimony and repented and became a great and noble leader.  Sometimes I think about this story whenever I'm afraid to speak up.  Alma wasn't perfect.  He was wicked.  But through the Lord's guidance, counsel and forgiveness Alma could be perfected in Christ.

"We often make the mistake of expecting perfection from the prophets. One of the main reasons why some early saints apostasized was because of perceived imperfections in the Prophet Joseph Smith. Joseph openly admitted that he was not perfect, and in the D&C, he was sorely chastised because he feared man more than God (DC 3:7). Similarly, Nephi struggled with his weakness, which was an uncharitable anger towards his enemies (2 Ne 4:17,27-29). Moses' faithless disobedience brought upon him a sore chastisement (Num 20:11-12). And the brother of Jared became, for a time, negligent with his prayers, only to suffer an unimaginable three-hour rebuke from the Lord. Yet, the brother of Jared later became legendary for his great faith. What are we to learn from this?

Rather than be critical of the prophets, or make the equally fatal mistake of covering their sins, we should rejoice that the Lord's most valuable servants were, after all, only human. In this, we can take consolation. If Joseph feared man more than God, maybe there is hope for us. If Nephi felt anger, Moses was disobedient, and the brother of Jared forgot to pray, maybe there is hope for the rest of us. We can only hope!"  (gospeldoctrine.com, related to Ether 2:14)

  
 I, like many of you, have a lot in common with prophets of the past.  I mess up.  Some of us seem to coast right through trials quickly and some of us seem to be in the depths of despair depending on their level of difficulty and our level of faith that we will get through them.   We are human; struggle is an every day part of life.  But through the Atonement of the Savior we can be refined and perfected in Him if we but follow His commandments.  Do it His way.  It's never easy to recover from transgression, but it is possible.

"Here then is a great truth. In the pain, the agony, and the heroic endeavors of life, we pass through a refiner’s fire, and the insignificant and the unimportant in our lives can melt away like dross and make our faith bright, intact, and strong. In this way the divine image can be mirrored from the soul. It is part of the purging toll exacted of some to become acquainted with God. In the agonies of life, we seem to listen better to the faint, godly whisperings of the Divine Shepherd.

Into every life there come the painful, despairing days of adversity and buffeting. There seems to be a full measure of anguish, sorrow, and often heartbreak for everyone, including those who earnestly seek to do right and be faithful. The thorns that prick, that stick in the flesh, that hurt, often change lives which seem robbed of significance and hope. This change comes about through a refining process which often seems cruel and hard. In this way the soul can become like soft clay in the hands of the Master in building lives of faith, usefulness, beauty, and strength. For some, the refiner’s fire causes a loss of belief and faith in God, but those with eternal perspective understand that such refining is part of the perfection process.

In our extremities, it is possible to become born again, born anew, renewed in heart and spirit. We no longer ride with the flow of the crowd, but instead we enjoy the promise of Isaiah to be renewed in our strength and “mount up with wings as eagles” (Isa. 40:31)." (April 1979 General Conference, James E. Faust, "The Refiner's Fire)

"Thus we see how quick the children of men do forget the Lord their God"

It's really hard to watch the news sometimes.  We hear of terrorist attacks on innocent civilians, wars that seem to escalate instead of finding peace, natural disasters at every turn.  It's hard to watch the news sometimes.

In the Book of Mormon there was a leader by the name of Amalickiah.  He was clever, charismatic, flattering, and managed to convince a ton of people to follow him and do some questionable things.  Well, things we might call wicked.  His main focus was to "destroy the church of God, and to destroy the foundation of liberty which God had granted unto them".  Christians.  He sought to destroy Christians and their beliefs and freedoms.  This is was in about 73 B.C. that this took place.
I don't know about any of you, but it sounds awfully familiar.

There was a great captain of a Nephite army named Captain Moroni who heard what Amalickiah's intentions were and became angry.  Just as I expect we would, who does that guy think he is boasting that he'll destroy all the Christians in the land?  I'd be angry too.

In Alma chapter 46 verses 12-16 we read:
"12 And it came to pass that he rent his coat; and he took a piece thereof, and wrote upon it—In memory of our God, our religion, and freedom, and our peace, our wives, and our children—and he fastened it upon the end of a pole.

 13 And he fastened on his head-plate, and his breastplate, and his shields, and girded on his armor about his loins; and he took the pole, which had on the end thereof his rent coat, (and he called it the title of liberty) and he bowed himself to the earth, and he prayed mightily unto his God for the blessings of liberty to rest upon his brethren, so long as there should a band of Christians remain to possess the land—

 14 For thus were all the true believers of Christ, who belonged to the church of God, called by those who did not belong to the church.

 15 And those who did belong to the church were faithful; yea, all those who were true believers in Christ took upon them, gladly, the name of Christ, or Christians as they were called, because of their belief in Christ who should come.

 16 And therefore, at this time, Moroni prayed that the cause of the Christians, and the freedom of the land might be favored."

So courageous and inspiring the humble actions and courage of Moroni.  Do we turn off the television when we hear a story like this on the news?  Do we find out as much knowledge as we can and become proactive thinking of things that we might be able to do?  Do we prepare ourselves in our homes to raise a flag in memory of our God, our religion, our freedom and our peace?  It is better to live by the words you believe and become a light and an example to the world we live in, than to simply state it in word only.  It needs to more than just a passing thought or mumbled word.  We must stand up and be counted as Christians.

President J. Reuben Clark, Jr., put it well when he said:

“God provided that in this land of liberty, our political allegiance shall run not to individuals, that is, to government officials, no matter how great or how small they may be. Under His plan our allegiance and the only allegiance we owe as citizens or denizens of the United States, runs to our inspired Constitution which God himself set up. So runs the oath of office of those who participate in government. A certain loyalty we do owe to the office which a man holds, but even here we owe just by reason of our citizenship, no loyalty to the man himself. In other countries it is to the individual that allegiance runs. This principle of allegiance to the Constitution is basic to our freedom. It is one of the great principles that distinguishes this ‘land of liberty’ from other countries.” (Improvement Era, July 1940, p. 444.)

To truly fight for our freedom, to truly be good and decent citizens, we must not turn away from the God that gave us this land of liberty, but rather, towards Him.  We must continue to fight for our religious freedoms, good moral standings, and do our patriotic duty to love, support and defend our country with diligence, faith and devotion.  

“Patriotism,” said Theodore Roosevelt, “means to stand by the country. It does not mean to stand by the President or any other public official save exactly to the degree in which he himself stands by the country. …

“Every man,” said President Roosevelt, “who parrots the cry of ‘stand by the President’ without adding the proviso ‘so far as he serves the Republic’ takes an attitude as essentially unmanly as that of any Stuart royalist who championed the doctrine that the King could do no wrong. No self-respecting and intelligent free man could take such an attitude.” (Theodore Roosevelt, Works, vol. 21, pp. 316, 321.) And yet as Latter-day Saints we should pray for our civic leaders and encourage them in righteousness.

I challenge us all to find our knees aren't broken and neither is God's ears.  If we trust in the Lord He will see fit to continue to bless this land with liberty.  He will continue to make it a beacon of light to the world and an example of true freedom.

Where I Stand

In the past month I have had many great experiences and many hard experiences and seen growth from both types of events.  It's like a new door has opened that I hadn't noticed before and now I am able to explore it.  I am being pushed in ways that I have always managed to escape before but now stand fast to accept.

I think it's a natural thing to try and avoid things we don't think we should have to endure.  It's a natural thing to avoid things we fear as well.  I am learning to endure both.  If I avoid such things I only prolong their eventual return.  So rather than walk around the stumbling blocks or ignore them I am learning to better examine them and do my best to address them.  Not everyone always gets along.  But it's important to apologize and it's important to forgive.  If one sentence, one thought gets held over my head my entire life, it's hard to then look at all the other things I've said and done.  It distresses me greatly that some people I have encountered throughout my entire life will simply never know me.  That there is good in me.  That's always bothered me a great deal but I am learning to manage that.  I am not here to impress man.  I am here to please God.  Forgive others.  Learn.

He knows me, my heart, my thoughts and my intentions.  He accepts my apologies and forgives me.  He knows that I, like all other mankind, am flawed and I strive to do what is right.  For that I am eternally grateful.  He's blessed me with earthly parents that are welcoming and accepting to any and all in whatever circumstance.  They are forgiving and loving and kind with great senses of humor the pair of them.  For that too, I am grateful.  He's blessed me with three beautiful children to test my limits and abilities.  To increase my patience and also learn from.  All three of them are unique, bright, sensitive and hard working children and for them I owe everything.

I have been thrust into situations that feel so far out of my comfort zone I've lost my North altogether.  Yet instead of feeling completely lost, I see the knowledge and experience that can be gained and the importance that it will have on my life and on the lives of those around me.  My fear, is failing me.  I never thought I'd be able to say that.  My faith is growing as is my confidence.

I started going back to school about a month ago.  In these classes once a week we become the teachers.  Speaking in public terrifies me.  I have spoken up and participated when I'd rather shy away.  I've worked with many others learning from their thoughts, ideas and knowledge which has stretched my own.  This week, I have to teach.  I want to be terrified, I should be.  But somehow, I feel comforted.  Confident.  Hopeful.  Even excited.

He is pushing my limits to succeed in personal goals that have long since sat on the shelf.  For that, I am grateful.

The Anniversary and Family Reunion

We felt so blessed and honored to be a part of Nathan's Mom and Dad's special 50th Wedding Anniversary.  Very amazing to me.  I personally have never had a great relationship until my husband and even at our worst it's still pretty great.  It's always felt unattainable to me to have this kind of relationship this long so you can imagine the sheer admiration I have for his parents.  Very special and sacred to me.  As are they.

We arrived on campus at Weber State for their party.  I was both excited and sick to my stomach.  I can't speak for everyone else in the family but I'm sure curiosity was on their lists.  It was a beautiful setting.  Very elegant decorations around the room.  My favorite part of that setting?  The smiling faces in the crowd all lit up.  So many of these people had not seen each other since they had lived in South Africa.  The energy in the room was bright and happy.  Filled with an abundance of stories and cherished memories.  I enjoyed it immensely.  But nothing, to me, could compare to the joy that filled my husband as he swapped memories with old friends and you could see him relive a big part of his life.  It was.....humbling.  It showed how much he misses his home in South Africa.  It made me so happy to see his happiness.  I was thrilled to meet each and every one of his friends and family that day and watch our children interact with all of this as well.  Our youngest took quite a shine to her sweet uncle who if he grew tired of her chattering on so never showed it. We left the party that day with happy hearts and memories.  It was magical.

In anticipation of having to wake up early the next day and travel, we opted for a small dinner, little television and a lot of sleep.  Packing was easy as we packed light to begin with.  The excitement building to see family we hadn't seen in over eight years and meet new family grew.  But it was easy to sleep that night.

The next day, Brittany and Dyllan especially, were all bright eyed and bushy tailed.  We packed up the van, checked out of the hotel, ate a fairly light breakfast and hit the road.  The travel from northern Idaho to Great Falls Montana is tremendously beautiful.  Many times Nathan and I would remark this is a good place to retire someday.  We could hide quite happily here in the foothills and mountains.  Just a relaxing, gorgeous scenery.

When we finally hit the Canadian border, sooner than we thought, I had this weird feeling that something was wrong and of course not knowing if it was big or small I, being me, had a tiny panic attack to myself as to not spoil the atmosphere of the car.  After about twenty or so are we there yets in the last hour alone ( thank-you Catie ) our border patrol noticed that Nathan had not signed his passport.  First thing that pops into my head, "And there it is!."  She was merciful and allowed us through.  First thing that pops out of Brittany's mouth, "We got away with it he he."  Onward to Magrath and not quite finished with the are we there yets and now of course we've added bouncing up and down ( me not Catie ) we arrived safe and sound at my parent's home.  Greeted with open arms, a teary Mother, and a nephew we met for the first time.  Wonderful way to begin.  We introduced miss Catie to their french bull dog slooowwwly.  We weren't sure how she would react ( the dog not Catie).  She was a rescued kennel dog.  Although Catie was happy and nervous herself but mostly just happy to be around cousins and a dog.

In the backyard Dad in his genius imagination and creativity had built a tree fort consisting of a single man tent that he could sleep in and also a zip line that went across the backyard.  Fun anticipated.  He also managed another larger tent near the fence, I for one was hoping all the kids would fit but alas, they didn't.  Good to be home.  See those Rocky Mountains, smell that air, look at all that beautiful flowing wheat ( allergies anticipated ), and yum raspberry bushes bordering the garden.  Finally!  We can relax!

Was hot but dry, not like St Louis with her sticky heat.  Quite enjoyable.  We spent a lot of time getting to know our niece and nephew as well as watching all the cousins interact with each other.  I was also curious what Grandpa would think of Catie, she can be such a ham.  Before we knew it, it was time for the Remington Family Reunion.

 Was so great to see family I hadn't seen in a long time and how their families have grown.  There were so many people to meet we didn't stand a chance meeting them all but I was going to try.  The first day was simple.  We had to opportunity to visit the Remington Carriage Center in Cardston, Alberta.  There was soooooo much to see!  First off was our carriage ride around the property.

 A family dinner and program filled with musical talents and reminiscing.  It needs to be said that the roast beef served that night was the best we've ever had anywhere!  The next day was a big family breakfast followed by tubing down the river for the teens and a kids carnival where they would play games and earn pennies to spend at the country store for toys and candy.

 The kids said the water was cold.  What do you expect when you're in the foothills of giant, majestic mountains and tube in a runoff river?  My parents most of this time were working hard to fix lunch for the whooollllle family.  That's a lot of food for a lot of people!  They did an amazing job, food was great. Since this was at a school the kids had a playground at their disposal the entire time and that's good because following lunch was a family auction.  We bid a few times but we lost all of our bids.(happy to help drive up the price Sandy)  After the auction there was a time of story telling from older family members about our ancestors.  So precious.  I feel so honored to be a member of this family heritage.

Onwards exploring Salt Lake City and Provo

It was so brilliantly wonderful and magnificent to sleep in ( to us anyways ) and be able to attend the Salt Lake City Pioneer Day Parade!  The city was just bustling with a fun energy.  We expected the traffic to the square and were delighted to find parking so easily.  It was a very warm day already by 9am so we tried to find a shady spot to enjoy the parade.  It was very hard to find but we managed to watch the beginning of the parade for about a half hour or more in the sunshine before our sweet five year old begged for shade again.  Thankfully we were obviously near lots of tall buildings that were still casting their shadows so all we really had to do was move back a ways.

I loved the creativity and colors of all of the floats that attended.  You could feel the excitement of the marching bands getting ready to perform and also performing.

After about an hour or more our five year old, Catie, decided she was thirsty, and hungry and bored so we worked our way across the street back near the beginning of the parade seeing if that would at least help the boredom.  Very clever parade to keep the horses and wagons on the opposite side some of them spooked really easily my favorite was a dancing horse that started dancing as soon as one of the marching bands began to play.

It was shortly after this that a horse drawn wagon with two occupants drove their way up to where we were standing and our youngest in her excitement was waving at the horses and horse riders going by.  The man driving the team noticed our eldest daughter's shirt that said St Louis on it and asked if that's where we were from and mentioned that his nephew was just about to leave the MTC to serve a mission for the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints in the St Louis area.  Small world.

Again our miss Catie reminded us she was hot, hungry, thirsty, and bored so we made our way across the street for some soft serve to cool down and some steps to rest on in the shade and although we had now migrated to where most floats and bands were waiting to make it to the starting line it allowed us to visit with some and take pictures.  One of our favorite floats was for family history where each corner of the float had a computer with a large computer screen showing individuals doing family history work online.  Then out would pop an ancestor to shake their hand from the screen it was adorable!

After we had finished our soft serves we made our way over to see the Salt Lake City Temple.

The visitor's center, the tabernacle, basically temple square in Salt Lake City.  Since it was Pioneer Day it was considerably busy.  At the end of touring and on our way to Provo to let the teenagers check out BYU campus where Dad once attended, we bumped into two very interesting individuals.  A sister missionary from Cardston, Alberta ( where we were headed after our SLC visit) who was speaking to an elderly gentleman who served a mission in Pretoria, South Africa ( where my husband grew up).  What a small and amazing world we live in.

We finally managed to make our way to Provo and almost didn't recognize the drive there from Salt Lake!  Everything had grown so much and looked so different it was extraordinary to see how much everything had changed.  Even the BYU campus was hard to navigate at first as it in itself has changed alot over the years but we managed.  Dad had the opportunity to show his children places he had lived, experiences with roomates, where some of his classes were and stories of his teachers.  It was a great experience for our family.

We then headed to another significant event for our family.  We went to a pot luck dinner in the park in Provo with returned missionaries who had served in our ward back home and were now home or attending BYU.  It had been the first time for some of them who had all served in the area together to see each other and our first time seeing all of them since they had fulfilled their missions and returned home to continue on with their exciting lives.  It was a rare and happy time for all of us.  I miss them already.