Shoe Fly Don't Bother Me

Ok new lesson learned. I tend to be sensitive to the people around me even when I try not to be if they hurt I hurt for and with them one of my characteristics as a person always been that way. However, sometimes when you sympathize for or with friends you discover quickly if they were your friend or just your aquaintance to begin with. Nothing like a big test in one or both parties lives to discover what you and they are really made of. True colors always eventually shine through and people aren't always what you thought.
I myself have serious trust issues people hear me say that but I never explain why and unless you are one of my dearest and closest most trusted friends in this world you're never going to. If you want to be one of my dearest and closest most trusted friends then you have to prove to me that you are trustworthy to share all my deepest secrets with, basically don't gossip about me when I do share something personal and especially never make stuff up about me or add to what I do share to pedestal yourself it's truly annoying and repulsive behavior. (usually created by some form of jealousy) Which is why I only have a small group of dearest closest most trusted friends. I love them to pieces by the way would do anything for them and they know that about me because they know most or all of the pieces about me not just a couple years here and there.
Back to my lesson learned. I always felt uncomfortable not calling everyone my friend. However in light of recent discoveries with certain individuals I realize that maybe I don't want to be everyone's friend especially when they abuse that priviledge. Yes I said priviledge I think people are lucky to have friends that genuinely care about each other but once you cross that line by being arrogant for no reason or rude and unapologetic then arms distance if not farther you go. I have the right to "keep people at a distance" that are struggling with their own personal lives and need a punching bag. With regret I cannot and refuse to be that punching bag. If I am not directly involved then you should take me up on my offer of unfailing friendship support and love. A shoulder to cry on, a late night phone call, even a financial handout if need be. But please don't turn me into a punching bag of sorts and aim your anger or frustration at me or I have to arms distance you away from me and my family. Who wouldn't?
Like I said before I felt uncomfortable for the longest time even thinking about not being everyone's friend. That I always want to help and I'm quick to forgive and I do unfortunately at times allow "friends" to aim at me because I understand that they are just upset even if it's not about me. But come on, do you really think you can keep doing that and get away with it? Do you really believe in your honest heart of hearts that you are blameless in your actions towards others and don't deserve consequences right or wrong for your own choices? Growing up isn't easy. Whoever said it was. It's hard work being honest with yourself and others all the time. It's hard work doing everything you can to help others and forgetting yourself sometimes we all have our "what about me?" moments. But ask yourself this, is it worth lowering yourself and damning your growth to be a constant fly in someone's face to make you feel better for a small moment and crappy for a lifetime?