Ode to Dad

All my life the one thing I remember most about my dad is hard worker.  There was always something to be done around the house and he was always doing it.  Sitting idle too long was never his thing, he can barely sit through a movie.  Although it's probably easier for him to relax now that he has settled into his retirement.  It wasn't easy at first for you was it Dad.

He's the kind of person that's always moving.  When asked to help others on their timetable he would sit patiently waiting for opportunities to serve and help in some way, but not for long.  Eventually he can't sit still and needs to beautify something or other in his yard mostly, or work on the house.  Even though the house for the most part is done, it is never done enough for him.  That is an incredible way to live life!  Always moving forward, never idle, always learning and growing and improving.  And always inventing new ways to have fun.

I know he cringes a lot at some of the things that he did with us as kids but no offence dad we kinda liked it lol.  For example, and I have a few childhood friends who will remember this, we had really fun dads all us girls.  The one thing I remember having fun doing the most with them was in the wintertime, which now due to climate change in our area isn't as often, back then when it snowed, it snowwweed!  No Chinooks to wamr us up.  I remember waking up in the wintertime almost always filled with anticipation and excitement that it snowed over night and there was a new pile of fresh snow just waiting for me to run through it, sled over and face plant in.  Our fathers would take this snowy and icy opportunity to hook up our sleds to the back of their trucks and drag us through the icy streets of Magrath cause no one else was usually out in this weather.  We LOVED it!  We loved the long streets sure but when they turned corners we would flllyyyyyyy!  Was soooo much fun.  I still don't remember laughing at hard as anything since like we did that.  That was one of THE best things I ever did with my dad.  Winter "sports".

We also had a ditch across the road that would fill with water during the fall storms and freeze over in the wintertime and he would get me to put on my skates hop onto the back of the truck, my friends too, and he'd back us up to the ditch to go ice skating.  He probably didn't think that was special at all but it was to us.  All the times we would climb into the back of the truck in the summer and he'd purposefully find plenty of bumps to run over so we would be jostled around in the back either hanging over the box's gate or in the bed itself.  I remember me and my friends laughing our heads off at that and them saying your dad is so much fun!  There were of course a few minor bumps and bruises namely tongues getting bitten at the wrong time but even then we'd keep laughing and having fun.

One summer, with the help of one of my cousins, he even build us a waterslide and a pool out of using old railroad ties and some tarp.  For the slide he slipped on some wood to an old wooden ladder that he had and laid tarp on top of that and fastened the garden hose at the top for super slippery awesomeness.  All the neighborhood kids should remember this, they practically lived in my back yard that summer.  It was great bragging rights for me and my brother that summer!  There were people we barely new asking to "be our friends" aka can I play on your slide and pool.  What a creative inventor my dad is!  I even remember asking my Mom on more than one occassion to send all the kids home so that I had a chance to use it at all lol.  Thanks Mom!

I'm glad that he's taken the time to teach me as many things as he has.  I know how to fish well, I even finally found the patience to learn how to tie flies thanks to a boyfriend having interest in it, he and my dad had that in common.  I'm a great shot thanks to learning how to handle a rifle so if I am ever hungry enough to go hunting, which makes me queasy still sorry dad, I can.  He taught me to be quick witted with so called friends that would harass me although now I'm so good at that I have to work really hard to keep my mouth shut lol.  He taught me to change a tire and explained an oil change to the point that I can still do it with ease to this day.  He didn't want a helpless little girl bombarded with dolls and makeup.  He wanted a survivor.  And that's exactly what he got.

My dad, even with all of his faults, and all of the things he's so hard on himself for,  is the greatest!  I can proudly say I have a dad who looked me straight in the eye and told me when I said but I'm just a girl, "that's no excuse!".  It made me compete with boys my whole life to be an independent girl and eventually an independent woman who can stand strongly on her own two feet in face of struggle and strife and say to herself  I can do this, there's no excuse.  He helped mold me into who I am today and although we don't always see eye to eye the more time passes I think the more we see that we have in common with each other.

No regrets dad.  You do what you can with what you know and the tools you're given.  You did great and I love you.  Happy Father's Day!

I Have Failed...

I am the mother of three amazing children.  I say amazing because I have had the select honor and privilege of watching them grow from the moment they were born.  How fast they learn and pick up on the things around them and the things presented to them.  How they solve problems sometimes comically.  I try to use every opportunity to allow them to learn from their mistakes and to rise to the challenges in their lives.  When they fall short I do my best to pick them up when I feel it is warranted and the older they get the more I feel they need to stand up on their own again but I help when they just simply can't do it for themselves but I have seen an honest effort.

But, I have failed them.  I feel as though no matter how many lessons I've taught, how many times I say I love you and hold them and kiss them that they could care less.  A part of me smiles at that rarely that if anything ever happened to me they'd be okay without me.  But is it so terrible to have me here?  Does my love mean nothing?  I know that when they grow and have children of their own and are desperate for help that I will need to stand back and be strong and watch them learn and continue to grow.  That kind of bonding between spouses and between parents and children is so important that I don't dare distract from it.  But I'll still be sitting there on the sidelines wanted or not, cheering them on as I always have.

It is a profound knowledge to know that God loves me unconditionally.  No matter what anyone else thinks of me and sometimes despite myself He does.  I am grateful for that knowledge.  I am grateful to know that He loves my children also.  That He also sits on the sidelines cheering them on with me.  Even if He's not wanted.  I doubt that He feels like a failure in any regard.  I hope I can be like that someday.