I am the mother of three amazing children. I say amazing because I have had the select honor and privilege of watching them grow from the moment they were born. How fast they learn and pick up on the things around them and the things presented to them. How they solve problems sometimes comically. I try to use every opportunity to allow them to learn from their mistakes and to rise to the challenges in their lives. When they fall short I do my best to pick them up when I feel it is warranted and the older they get the more I feel they need to stand up on their own again but I help when they just simply can't do it for themselves but I have seen an honest effort.
But, I have failed them. I feel as though no matter how many lessons I've taught, how many times I say I love you and hold them and kiss them that they could care less. A part of me smiles at that rarely that if anything ever happened to me they'd be okay without me. But is it so terrible to have me here? Does my love mean nothing? I know that when they grow and have children of their own and are desperate for help that I will need to stand back and be strong and watch them learn and continue to grow. That kind of bonding between spouses and between parents and children is so important that I don't dare distract from it. But I'll still be sitting there on the sidelines wanted or not, cheering them on as I always have.
It is a profound knowledge to know that God loves me unconditionally. No matter what anyone else thinks of me and sometimes despite myself He does. I am grateful for that knowledge. I am grateful to know that He loves my children also. That He also sits on the sidelines cheering them on with me. Even if He's not wanted. I doubt that He feels like a failure in any regard. I hope I can be like that someday.
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