We hear quite often the expression overcoming your fears. Most of us are told, sometimes by parents, to simply accept it and move on. Sometimes it just is but how does that help me or heal me? Shouldn't I put up a fight?
I used to have this thought and act on it quite frequently and thank Heavens for sparing my life on more than one occassion that rocked! I had and still sometimes have this insane fear of heights. I mean insane. Like I can stand on a chair and profusely sweat and get dizzy and ill as if I was on the edge of a cliff. My favorite thing to do was hike and stand on edge of cliffs to see the landscape but over time this fear took over and I had to be standing about 30-40 feet back from the cliffs edge and could hardly see a thing. Then luckily I moved to the mountains so I was able to fight that fear frequently enough to be comfortable with a cliffs edge again. Took forever!
That's what I mean by fighting my fears. It's better to bring myself the do the things I'm scared of, one thing at a time, than to overcome them with a simple acceptance and ignore them or shelve them. I didn't fight in the pre existence just to sit here, I came here to live. Some fears are worthy of avoiding to an extent, but for the most part I need to pick one and start moving on it. Could be as simple as afraid to fail at something. Maybe I'll just get so good at failing everything I try that at least I'll know what I'm capable and what I'm not right? So what if people scoff and think they're better let the Lord sort them out. He's good at that.
I have an idea where to start, too personal sorry, and I have been thinking and contemplating with it for over a month now. Just need to sit down and make a list of ideas of ways to fight this fear as frequently as I can and execute them without the nervous tendencies getting in the way. That's the part I need to overcome. The nervousness that comes with fighting my fears that's the part I need to toss aside and ignore so I can get more comfortable with the kind of person I want to be.
Hopefully everyone will be able to find something about themselves that irritates them to no end. Something maybe they wish they were good at and see others good at and turn green with envy and maybe just maybe I'll see you somewhere down this road at the same junction and we can fight our fear together! Let faith big my biggest weapon!
PS Mark Twain knows what I'm talking about check out his quote on the right!
Friday, March 23, 2012
Friday, March 16, 2012
We are Beautiful.
Reading about girls of young age being forced to marry a man who could never, will never have true love or respect for her is absolutely unnecessary. Heart breaking. To be in a culture that has no value for a girl, a woman. I cannot, will not ever support.
We are beautiful. We are strong and inspiring, loving and wondrous creatures to behold. If we were not, neither boys or men would even find themselves staring in awe at us, nor find themselves having any desire for us. Oh yes. We are of great value.
I have rarely met men that think of women as just another thing to hunt down and stick up on their wall. But unfortunately, even here in freedom, they exist. Who are these men raised by mothers and grandmothers and have daughters of great wealth in their eyes to devalue the one that stands beside him, for him in times of hardship carrying her weight and most likely the weight of several others also? What man is this that behaves in such a way as to physically harm for minutes of empty ambition and hollow glory?
A coward. Fearful of his own existence, powerless to accept his own choices that led him here, ashamed and filled with regret feeling forced to blame others. This is no man. This is a shadow of ill fate.
A true man is never ashamed of his misfortunes or his mistakes. He faces them with dignity and self respect, working hard to correct wrongs and always willing to pay his consequences. He is the one standing on the sidelines watching her work, looking at her with sweet kindnesses in his heart and true affection that even he cannot bring himself to lose control but rather feels a sense of protection over her and would sooner challenge anyone in her entire life that dare hurt her in any way. This man holds her heart and her mind in high regard, sometimes higher than his own but at the very least she is his equal. His friend.
May all girls and women, all boys and men see their greatness and live up to it. Not only for themselves, but for each other.
We are beautiful. We are strong and inspiring, loving and wondrous creatures to behold. If we were not, neither boys or men would even find themselves staring in awe at us, nor find themselves having any desire for us. Oh yes. We are of great value.
I have rarely met men that think of women as just another thing to hunt down and stick up on their wall. But unfortunately, even here in freedom, they exist. Who are these men raised by mothers and grandmothers and have daughters of great wealth in their eyes to devalue the one that stands beside him, for him in times of hardship carrying her weight and most likely the weight of several others also? What man is this that behaves in such a way as to physically harm for minutes of empty ambition and hollow glory?
A coward. Fearful of his own existence, powerless to accept his own choices that led him here, ashamed and filled with regret feeling forced to blame others. This is no man. This is a shadow of ill fate.
A true man is never ashamed of his misfortunes or his mistakes. He faces them with dignity and self respect, working hard to correct wrongs and always willing to pay his consequences. He is the one standing on the sidelines watching her work, looking at her with sweet kindnesses in his heart and true affection that even he cannot bring himself to lose control but rather feels a sense of protection over her and would sooner challenge anyone in her entire life that dare hurt her in any way. This man holds her heart and her mind in high regard, sometimes higher than his own but at the very least she is his equal. His friend.
May all girls and women, all boys and men see their greatness and live up to it. Not only for themselves, but for each other.
Tuesday, March 6, 2012
So much to Be in so Little Time
You remember kindergarten. What do you want to be when you grow up? A fireman, a nurse, a doctor, a lawyer, a farmer, a vet. You contemplate this question quite a bit throughout your childhood and teenage years. But never feel more pressure than your senior year in high school. I literally had a goal in medicine most of my life it never really left that's why when I speak to medical staff they are always surprised that I'm not in medicine considering how much knowledge I have on the subject. Well that's just from my plain curiosity. I ask lots of questions all the time because I actually do want to know how EVERYTHING works and learn as much as I can in this life it excites me to learn. I am happiest when I'm learning something new.
I guess I just never thought this is where I would be although there were several clues to the contrary. I've learned that my plan wasn't exactly what God's plan for me was and have for the most part, grudgingly followed his pursuits for me in this life and sacrificing so many of my own for His greater purposes. But not always I'm to blame for some of it, fear is a cruel thing and can play evil tricks on us so even though we put forth an effort and keep going sometimes we just feel like we have no other choice but to give up. For me it was more like a million distractions since the adversary is very very good at that. I guess I was one of those "ooooooo shiny!" people.
I still read many articles in a day on just about everything and if something really sparks a serious interest in me I buy and check out books on the subject until I feel satisfied with my current knowledge of it. Recently it has been scriptures that have forced this drive in me to keep looking, reading, searching for answers not only to my bazillion questions but those of friends and family as well. There certainly isn't any harm in that is there. The witness of its truth however is up to them and them alone.
And even through all of this, I feel disappointed in myself, still. Look at alllllll of these things I've been trying so hard to do and even though I'm getting there in leaps and bounds I still feel like something is missing. I have searched and searched for it all these years and obviously will continue to it's who I am. Maybe someday it will dawn on me or be presented to me in a way. For now, however, I'm stuck wondering what it is, what direction it's in, which next steps to take and sometimes forced to see the reality that I'm just too busy being a mother and a wife to have the time. I am satisfied somewhat to know how hard I'm trying and so utterly grateful for the things I've learned along the way. This frustration is almost a heartache of something missing. I already know there's a likelyhood that there are more kids coming so that's not it. I have a feeling it is in direct relation to me. Just me.
Anybody else feel that way?
I guess I just never thought this is where I would be although there were several clues to the contrary. I've learned that my plan wasn't exactly what God's plan for me was and have for the most part, grudgingly followed his pursuits for me in this life and sacrificing so many of my own for His greater purposes. But not always I'm to blame for some of it, fear is a cruel thing and can play evil tricks on us so even though we put forth an effort and keep going sometimes we just feel like we have no other choice but to give up. For me it was more like a million distractions since the adversary is very very good at that. I guess I was one of those "ooooooo shiny!" people.
I still read many articles in a day on just about everything and if something really sparks a serious interest in me I buy and check out books on the subject until I feel satisfied with my current knowledge of it. Recently it has been scriptures that have forced this drive in me to keep looking, reading, searching for answers not only to my bazillion questions but those of friends and family as well. There certainly isn't any harm in that is there. The witness of its truth however is up to them and them alone.
And even through all of this, I feel disappointed in myself, still. Look at alllllll of these things I've been trying so hard to do and even though I'm getting there in leaps and bounds I still feel like something is missing. I have searched and searched for it all these years and obviously will continue to it's who I am. Maybe someday it will dawn on me or be presented to me in a way. For now, however, I'm stuck wondering what it is, what direction it's in, which next steps to take and sometimes forced to see the reality that I'm just too busy being a mother and a wife to have the time. I am satisfied somewhat to know how hard I'm trying and so utterly grateful for the things I've learned along the way. This frustration is almost a heartache of something missing. I already know there's a likelyhood that there are more kids coming so that's not it. I have a feeling it is in direct relation to me. Just me.
Anybody else feel that way?
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