On July 30th my eldest 15 year old daughter Brittany suffered 3 seizures in the same day. She has never had them before. She doesn't do drugs. We haven't had anything traumatic happen in our family neither has she suffered from any serious illnesses. Yet she had them. The first we didn't realize was a seizure it happened in the wee morning hours and I couldn't sleep and was up early and I'm completely convinced that was no accident. She was breathing funny, and I couldn't wake her up. We discovered later with the 2nd and 3rd seizures that this was how her body would force her to breathe again. Like a glorious divine reset button that I am unbelievably grateful for.
Her second seizure I found her in the upstairs hallway thinking someone was hammering in a picture or something like I said before not knowing that these were seizures. Now I know it was violent shaking. I have seen people seizing before but when it's your own child you see if from a very unique perspective and I did everything medically that I could and should do. Called 911 , while I was speaking with them I had to untangle her hair from the hall closet door hinge so that I roll her on her side to prevent choking and wait for the emergency services to arrive. When she started to come to she was so extremely disoriented that she swatted me away and kept saying no. She did the same to the EMS when they tried to help her to her feet in order to put her in a sitting stretcher and get her down the stairs. Scared my 3 1/2 year old half to death she hid in her bedroom closet when the EMS came and I had to go looking for her. My 13 year old son had come home from dog walking just as Brittany's seizure was ending and helped out a great deal with this family for the next 24-48 hours. I am so thankful that he was able to take care of our home and youngest daughter while we worked with medical staff for hours to figure out what was happening.
At the first hospital visit we did blood work, urine samples, and a CAT scan. Found nothing and were sent home. About 45 mins into Brittany's nap on the couch I found her seizing again. This one was longer and more violent than the one I had seen previously. In fact, I watched my 15 year old daughter stop breathing and turn a shade of grey I have never seen on a human being in my lifetime. I thought in that moment that I had lost her. And then, the forced breathing, what I call her natural reset button. I have never been more thankful for our bodies creation as I am now through this experience. This body is a sacred gift. Not to be treated unkindly or with an 'oh well' attitude. And it seems that our Creator decided that she continue to live. Words cannot describe.
We went to our second hospital, where she already had an appointment with her neurologist, and watched them carry out tests that needed to take place and were already scheduled. Being that I had gone through this mostly on my own all day long we decided that Nathan, my husband would spend the night with her. I stayed strong. I never cried. I listened carefully and discussed many things with all of the doctors involved. I checked in on my son and had a good friend check on him and our little girl as well making sure that they were ok. This can't have been easy for our son, he is so close in age to Brittany and they have been basically twins. I am grateful that he had opportunities of comfort through all of this.
BUT! When I left that hospital to drive home and check on my kids, not having for a moment allowed myself to shed a single tear. I found myself sitting at a red light, crying. But not for long, I wouldn't allow it. Not yet. I had to drive home, I had to check on my other two children and make sure they were ok and try to offer them any comfort I could and answer our son's many questions as well as extended family members. It was one of the most awful experiences I've ever had. Even so, I found several moments of gratitude and joy. Knowing that I am sealed to my children for time and all eternity. Knowing that God is in control and praying for the strength to always accept what He has in store for my life. Not once did I ever or will I ever blame such a perfect and compassionate Being. No one did this to us. It just happened. Another hurdle to overcome. Another experience to add to our growth. I am grateful that she's alright beyond description.
When we came home with Brittany from the hospital and all was well, I finally allowed myself to break. I know I'm human and I know that amount of stress bottled up would have killed me or made me ill. It was a big and necessary break. I don't think I've ever sobbed quite like that since my Father's Mother passed away. I was inconsolable for quite a while and had a really hard time sleeping at first. I found myself checking on the kids regularly through the night. I even put the baby monitor back in the girls room in case we had another seizure in the middle of the night. Full alert and protect Mom mode. But it was really taking it's toll on me, I resort to prayer the most.
I can't go a day without praying, I need that daily contact. I need the help right now to keep going and overcome the images in my mind and experience of it. It's working. I feel less afraid for her life, I sleep better again, and I feel blessed. I love my family very much and would do anything for them. But, I love my Father in Heaven more and value everything He teaches me and blesses me with on a daily basis. I still cannot find the words to express my deepest gratitude and appreciation for everything He did for this family during this trial in our lives.
If you are going through something that feels too much for you, I understand how that feels. Trust in the Lord to guide you. He knows what you're capable of even if you think you can't do this thing, this challenge, this burden, I promise you , you can. If He sees fit to give it to you He has His reasons and they are to strengthen and prove you. Stay close to Him. Let Him help.
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