Do I really have to go?!

I really hate doctor's offices.  I rarely spent much time in any as a child other than to update my shots and get the occasional stitch.  I come from a childhood filled with tree climbing, jumping off of buildings we're not supposed to, and almost of more than one occasion being dragged by a horse or two.  But you know we chalk that up to life and think it's awesome.  But once I hit about 12 years of age I started visiting doctor's offices a lot more often.

First thing they discovered was asthma.  Was NOT happy about that at all that's a lifetime commitment to inhalers and I wasn't too fond of them to begin with when other people used them.  From then on it was like my immune system crashed.  I got the chicken pox twice and there is no amount of calamine lotion in the world that would help you.  Even if you filled a pool or bath tub full of calamine lotion the only thing that would help is it would have been harder for your mother to see you scratch.  I still have scars from that.  Then it was tension headaches that would last for months at a time.  I'd rather be dead it's amazing I lived through that because just standing up from bed and my heart pumping a little bit faster was light take a sledge hammer to my temples.  Then came anemia which they said was easy to control just eat more beef and being from Alberta that's no problem.

But then there was a severe case of depression following a 3 year case of anorexia.  Just like every other girl in Junior High and High School I stopped eating and when I did it was either tiny amounts or add some bulimia.  Some of you reading this are going  "holy crap!"  isn't it wonderful that doctor's have to keep their mouths shut?  I do like that part a really lot!  The depression was pretty severe no one even in my family knows how bad and plenty of kids at school made fun of me for it not knowing what was really going on with me.  I would have to say I hid it well in grades 10 and 11 but by the time I got to senior year I just didn't have the mental capacity or physical energy to hide it anymore.

I hated going to the doctor's office in high school for just about anything because they knew my history and would always check up on me.  How annoying when doctors that have gone to 8+ years of medical schooling pretend to know everything.  ( hehehehe)  I always hated especially being weighed and I still hate it I will always hate it.  If I weighed 90 lbs I would hate it and be hard on myself so I've spent a lifetime trying not to care about all that crap.  As long as I'm healthy and happy that's all that matters.  Life is just too short to constantly try fad diets, and pills, and programs that are ALWAYS temporary.  I say just be who you are it's who you were always meant to be anyways.  Just be the best you in the most important ways.  I'm not saying give up and be unhealthy either.  I'm saying get out there and do all the things that you love doing and stay active on your own terms and if it's something that makes you uncomfortable doing alone then don't do it you should be able to enjoy anything on your own terms.

I worked really hard on all of those other issues as soon as I graduated high school and it took a lot of strength I didn't even know I had to smile and mean it.  But I did get there through friends and faith.  It's my fault my family never really knew what was going on or didn't believe me when I told them I should have been more straight forward about it all and for that I apologize.

I will literally wait until the very last minute of a disease or medical problem that I'm having to call the doctor and even then, I have to talk myself into driving myself there and taking care of it.  I get so uncomfortable sitting in the waiting room, I get all nervous and sweaty waiting for them to call my name and I'm always expecting harsh judgement when I get in there and speak with the doctor.  Not once since I've moved to St Louis have I ever had my doctor be rude to me or even beat around the bush.  We have very straight to the point honest conversations.  I don't feel rushed once I see her, and I always leave feeling so much better that I addressed it and hope that I won't have to go back for at least a year. ( keep dreaming )  Now if my experiences are always good, why do I still dread and hate being there?