I love this time of year, would be better with snow but I'll take it! We finally got our tree the smell throughout our home is incredible. Every year when we get a Christmas tree my mind can't help but wander to my own childhood experiences with it. The smell really takes me back. It used to be covered in those big bulb colored lights you had to clip on the branches. Lots of threaded ornaments that would shimmer in the light and not break ( big plus with kids ), and tinseled carefully by my mom who most Christmases would not allow us to help because we might clump the tinsel and then she'd just have to fix it anyways.
Funnily enough this year hubby and I decided that we would string up the lights together and then I would decorate the tree so he didn't have to hear "your other left" when the kids were putting on ornaments and it seems no matter what you say to them they only decorate one branch lol. Sound familiar Mom? So everyone has their own special ornaments for the Christmas Tree and we though this year Mom would do the 'background decorating' and altogether as a family we would put on our own special ornaments together and then dress the tree with garlands. Our tree is a beautiful Spruce just plush and green and full. Once again it's the smell that's really awesome. Love it!
Now I have all these gifts to wrap and help the kids wrap this week, not that I mind. I really love the pretty paper, yes I said pretty. I'm tough but I'm still a girl you know ( sticks tongue out ). I already helped our 2 year old wrap her presents to her brother and sister. She was thrilled and delighted to put on the tape for Mom. Of course being that she's 2 there are extra pieces of tape here and there but it just adds to the charm don't you think? She put on the green bows by herself which was a very big deal to her. They are beautifully wrapped gifts even for a 2 yr old.
What I'm really enjoying this year is the sparkle in her eyes. She's finally old enough to get that feeling of excitement about the magic of Christmas. She talks about Santa and Jesus coming to visit her and bring her presents and play with toys with her. It's so adorable. I'm really excited to take her out to look at all the lights around the neighborhood this week. We have spotted a huge Santa a few blocks away that will thrill her toes and I can hear the happy squeals now.
The baking for the season is nearly done, unfortunately I didn't get as much help in that department as I had hoped due to a lack of confidence. Not laziness. My kids lack confidence in helping me thinking that they will mess it all up. I have assured them that with me standing there that's pretty hard to do and I think this is based on them both entering the kitchen last week to bake for themselves. Our son baked an apple spice cake for the first time and it turned out beautifully. He was very attentive to everything I said but I not once stepped foot into the kitchen I wanted him to do this on his own. He asked several questions checking the whole time and worried over nothing. Our daughter was very confident in her baking abilities having taken homeec classes and she was baking mint chocolate chip cookies. One problem. She put all of the ingredients into a small mixing bowl instead of a large one, I helped her fix that, but she didn't add the right amount of flour to the batter and they all came out more like candy than cookies. Overconfidence had caused her to lose her caution when she was following the recipe and it didn't turn out how she'd planned.
Sounds more like a life lesson to me. Funny how the simple things in life can teach you the biggest things you need to learn. Patience and tender care give us the opportunity to see little mistakes and correct them quickly, whereas rushing and overconfidence have the opposite effect and we can end up in a miserable situation that is hard to correct or something that cannot be fixed at all.
I'm very grateful for this season and for the Savior's birth. I am grateful that our family has survived yet another crazy year and I'm grateful that I've had the opportunity to share my own personal growth out of hardships with all of you this past year. Thankyou for your comments and your support it really means so much to me. Merry Christmas!
Monday, December 17, 2012
Wednesday, December 12, 2012
Fighter
I have been dealing with so many health issues this past year it makes me nauseous to think about it. After completely harming my thyroid with radioactive iodine to slow it down I have gained almost 40 lbs. That's a lot, more than I gained when I was pregnant. It hasn't been easy to adjust to, I don't like having it, I hate that I'm hypothyroid and that it's next to impossible to get rid of. My biggest challenge is how to get rid of it without harmful side effects.
Because of the level of stress and busy daily life I have I started jogging again. There were only ever a few things that ever made me truly happy and jogging is one of them. Very freeing. I have to make the time which I have been and enjoying every minute, I almost get upset if I have to miss a day that endorphin rush is addictive. But being a homemaker means my kids take my priority over anything else, and since we've all been sick at one time or another over the course of the last few weeks my house has taken a back burner and we are only now getting back to the routine of things. Funnily enough, just before Christmas Break. Typical timing for us I assure you.
In the last year, along with health issues adding up with hypothyroid at the helm and taking me for a ride I'd like to get off of ( next stop please ),I have had two anxiety attacks. All sweaty, couldn't breathe, and sheer panic. The first one I didn't recognize what it was. It was over a conversation that left me scared and I saw my happy stable life get nudged and almost derail. It was something I was surprised to hear, having some idea but it's almost like someone showing you a piece of the black hole behind a door and suddenly the doors are swung open so you can see the true vastness of what's really going on. I couldn't breathe. I couldn't even cry, I just sat there gasping for air for a about 10 minutes until my lips went numb and all I kept trying to do was long steady breaths.
My second one was much worse and over something completely different. No one told me that the radiation from the iodine would cause me to lose as much hair as I did. I went from breaking elastics thick and curly to wrapping the elastics 6 or 7 times in one ponytail. I could even feel in the back where it was thinning the most and felt like Mr Clean's wife. My heart raced, I couldn't breath, and I was sweating. I just kept............freaking out. I couldn't stop it took forever to calm myself down. Know what it was that calmed me? My husband knelt down and gave me a hug, and everything came flooding out. Tears and snot all over his poor shoulder. But it was nice to get the emotion of what has been going on with me out, all of it. I can't begin to explain how angry and hurt I was at losing so much of my hair. It's my best feature, long curly hair. And it was breaking off, thinning out, and all that was left was the noticeable 40 lbs I've gained. I was scared to leave the house and never took my hair out of a ponytail for months.
I finally went to a local hairdresser and I was scared that she would judge me or tell me all the things I'm doing wrong. I think they're trained to do that in part because they need to sell product. But I was very sensitive and it was my 14 year old daughter that held my hand. She took me to Great Clips nearby and told me they were very kind and they would never do that to me. I trusted her. Not only was this hairdresser patient and kind with me, but she put notes on the computer about my health condition so that anyone else who might get me would know what's been going on so I don't have to explain it again and they won't be rude about it. I'm grateful for such a simple kindness. There's no way she knew my reaction just 2 weeks beforehand.
I feel like I'm fighting for my right to live my life, my way all the time now. It's a constant battle of emotional ups and downs, physical pain ( almost every single day ), and daily stress to still be the kind of Mother and Wife I need to be not only for my family, but for me. I don't pray as often as I should lately because I think deep down I'm afraid to ask once again for help on the same subject that I've been begging for help all along. I mean how much can He really stand of me asking the same things. I know I should think of another question to ask but I was always taught that what's important to me is important to Him also. I just need to accept his timing on the matter. Patience with Him and with myself.
I can't just sit here and stop trying though. I can't. Even when I pull a muscle or can barely stand because I've only had 12 hours of sleep in 4 days I can't bring myself to stop. I don't want to. I want to fight. I want to endure to keep going. I want to improve and to learn and to grow. Is that too much to ask?
Because of the level of stress and busy daily life I have I started jogging again. There were only ever a few things that ever made me truly happy and jogging is one of them. Very freeing. I have to make the time which I have been and enjoying every minute, I almost get upset if I have to miss a day that endorphin rush is addictive. But being a homemaker means my kids take my priority over anything else, and since we've all been sick at one time or another over the course of the last few weeks my house has taken a back burner and we are only now getting back to the routine of things. Funnily enough, just before Christmas Break. Typical timing for us I assure you.
In the last year, along with health issues adding up with hypothyroid at the helm and taking me for a ride I'd like to get off of ( next stop please ),I have had two anxiety attacks. All sweaty, couldn't breathe, and sheer panic. The first one I didn't recognize what it was. It was over a conversation that left me scared and I saw my happy stable life get nudged and almost derail. It was something I was surprised to hear, having some idea but it's almost like someone showing you a piece of the black hole behind a door and suddenly the doors are swung open so you can see the true vastness of what's really going on. I couldn't breathe. I couldn't even cry, I just sat there gasping for air for a about 10 minutes until my lips went numb and all I kept trying to do was long steady breaths.
My second one was much worse and over something completely different. No one told me that the radiation from the iodine would cause me to lose as much hair as I did. I went from breaking elastics thick and curly to wrapping the elastics 6 or 7 times in one ponytail. I could even feel in the back where it was thinning the most and felt like Mr Clean's wife. My heart raced, I couldn't breath, and I was sweating. I just kept............freaking out. I couldn't stop it took forever to calm myself down. Know what it was that calmed me? My husband knelt down and gave me a hug, and everything came flooding out. Tears and snot all over his poor shoulder. But it was nice to get the emotion of what has been going on with me out, all of it. I can't begin to explain how angry and hurt I was at losing so much of my hair. It's my best feature, long curly hair. And it was breaking off, thinning out, and all that was left was the noticeable 40 lbs I've gained. I was scared to leave the house and never took my hair out of a ponytail for months.
I finally went to a local hairdresser and I was scared that she would judge me or tell me all the things I'm doing wrong. I think they're trained to do that in part because they need to sell product. But I was very sensitive and it was my 14 year old daughter that held my hand. She took me to Great Clips nearby and told me they were very kind and they would never do that to me. I trusted her. Not only was this hairdresser patient and kind with me, but she put notes on the computer about my health condition so that anyone else who might get me would know what's been going on so I don't have to explain it again and they won't be rude about it. I'm grateful for such a simple kindness. There's no way she knew my reaction just 2 weeks beforehand.
I feel like I'm fighting for my right to live my life, my way all the time now. It's a constant battle of emotional ups and downs, physical pain ( almost every single day ), and daily stress to still be the kind of Mother and Wife I need to be not only for my family, but for me. I don't pray as often as I should lately because I think deep down I'm afraid to ask once again for help on the same subject that I've been begging for help all along. I mean how much can He really stand of me asking the same things. I know I should think of another question to ask but I was always taught that what's important to me is important to Him also. I just need to accept his timing on the matter. Patience with Him and with myself.
I can't just sit here and stop trying though. I can't. Even when I pull a muscle or can barely stand because I've only had 12 hours of sleep in 4 days I can't bring myself to stop. I don't want to. I want to fight. I want to endure to keep going. I want to improve and to learn and to grow. Is that too much to ask?
Tuesday, December 4, 2012
How to deal with a liar?
We've all been there. You are listening intently to someone speaking to you about something that happened whether it was to them or to someone they know and I understand the embellishing thing I ignore that, but how uncomfortable is it when you know for a fact it's a lie! Sooooo awkward! I have had plenty of experiences with people telling me tall tales and there's always that point in the story where something strikes you and you're like waaaait a minute. Sometimes you just want to yell out are you kidding me right now with this? Seriously? Or at the very least put a large sock on their head and move onto another conversation.
It gets worse. What do you do when the lie is on a very important issue that could affect millions of lives? I actually tried to say well that's just not true but they continued on and on with the issue and started spewing out about 10 different places I could check it. If you know me, you know I do so if you're lying it's just plain faster to say so I'll laugh and we can move on. I went to these so called 10 different places and found not one thing similar on the matter. In fact, I myself was incorrect albeit more accurate about the matter when I was discussing it with them. I will have no trouble saying I was wrong or correcting it, it's too important. But if it isn't important to them why should they care what harm it causes. That actually makes me feel like a roller coaster going off the tracks in my stomach.
The question still remains. How do you deal with a liar? Especially when you love them, respect them. In some cases, pfft, in most cases I just let it go. But this particular subject it could cause a panic in a lot of the country over nothing. Heated arguments that are based on inaccuracy and, you got it, embellishments. C'mon media get a grip will ya? You are only supposed to report the reality and facts not let us know what you think. We don't really care what you think, we care what we think. As the old saying goes when we want your opinion we'll give it to you. And keep Hollywood out of it! They represent less than 1% of the world's population so let's put that into perspective.
We live in a society that is seriously lacking in honesty and trust. When did that become okay? Why is it so scary to tell the truth? Who are you trying to impress and if it's someone you want around you long term are you prepared to have them refuse to trust you based on your beginning? What's the point? I will never forget the one lie I told my husband almost 3 years ago. It lasted about 3 hours. That's it. It felt completely horrible and awful to do that to him, to myself. No good could come of it and I decided it was better to suffer the consequences now than drag it out and suffer what could very well be a completely different and more severe set of consequences. I'm so glad that I came clean with him so swiftly, he was kind and caring about it with me and forgave me right away. Can we say phew glad that's over? Good thing the lights were dim I'm sure my face was purple!
In my own experiences in recent years I've learned that gossip is never worth your breath, lying is just a way to cheat yourself our of happiness, and betraying someone's trust is permanent. But that's me. That's what makes it so hard for me to understand why other people bother to be dishonest. Even the smallest of lies can cost you big time. Pull up your big girl or guy panties and be real for a change. You might even discover, as I have, that the truth is far too interesting to want to mess it up.
I need to find a one sentence deal that I can say to everyone that I know is lying to me that will stun them into thinking about why they bothered? That would be awesome! I prefer a stunned tongue to a lying one any day.
It gets worse. What do you do when the lie is on a very important issue that could affect millions of lives? I actually tried to say well that's just not true but they continued on and on with the issue and started spewing out about 10 different places I could check it. If you know me, you know I do so if you're lying it's just plain faster to say so I'll laugh and we can move on. I went to these so called 10 different places and found not one thing similar on the matter. In fact, I myself was incorrect albeit more accurate about the matter when I was discussing it with them. I will have no trouble saying I was wrong or correcting it, it's too important. But if it isn't important to them why should they care what harm it causes. That actually makes me feel like a roller coaster going off the tracks in my stomach.
The question still remains. How do you deal with a liar? Especially when you love them, respect them. In some cases, pfft, in most cases I just let it go. But this particular subject it could cause a panic in a lot of the country over nothing. Heated arguments that are based on inaccuracy and, you got it, embellishments. C'mon media get a grip will ya? You are only supposed to report the reality and facts not let us know what you think. We don't really care what you think, we care what we think. As the old saying goes when we want your opinion we'll give it to you. And keep Hollywood out of it! They represent less than 1% of the world's population so let's put that into perspective.
We live in a society that is seriously lacking in honesty and trust. When did that become okay? Why is it so scary to tell the truth? Who are you trying to impress and if it's someone you want around you long term are you prepared to have them refuse to trust you based on your beginning? What's the point? I will never forget the one lie I told my husband almost 3 years ago. It lasted about 3 hours. That's it. It felt completely horrible and awful to do that to him, to myself. No good could come of it and I decided it was better to suffer the consequences now than drag it out and suffer what could very well be a completely different and more severe set of consequences. I'm so glad that I came clean with him so swiftly, he was kind and caring about it with me and forgave me right away. Can we say phew glad that's over? Good thing the lights were dim I'm sure my face was purple!
In my own experiences in recent years I've learned that gossip is never worth your breath, lying is just a way to cheat yourself our of happiness, and betraying someone's trust is permanent. But that's me. That's what makes it so hard for me to understand why other people bother to be dishonest. Even the smallest of lies can cost you big time. Pull up your big girl or guy panties and be real for a change. You might even discover, as I have, that the truth is far too interesting to want to mess it up.
I need to find a one sentence deal that I can say to everyone that I know is lying to me that will stun them into thinking about why they bothered? That would be awesome! I prefer a stunned tongue to a lying one any day.
Monday, December 3, 2012
Jogging....sort of
So I jog/walked a couple of times on my treadmill before Thanksgiving until one of my shoes went missing. Just like Daddy's keys and Big Sister's mp3 player. I swear our 2 year old has a hoard somewhere we just have to figure out where. We found a chocolate hoard that she had of her Halloween candy and other chocolate in the fold up mattress in the hall closet upstairs. Oh yeah she opens doors with ease now and that closet door doesn't shut all the way it's broken, thus the easy access.
On Black Friday I found a good deal on some New Balance shoes that I really liked and feel oh so comfortable so since then I have taken up jog/walking again. Now you'd think I'd be sore, or even complain saying, 'How'd I get so old?!' but I'm not. I actually feel invigorated and more motivated to continue. I loved to run in High School, I love doing it now, maybe even more so. I just needed to find that window of opportunity to have time to do it! Took forever to find the time!
About a month ago I started paying attention to two things. One, when I had the most energy or was the most bored. Two, when there might be a window where baby girl is napping and the kids are here to help me out. Last week I found my window. About 3pm I get this boost and from what I hear that's the opposite of most people who crash around then. Because I'm up so early in the morning my crash is more around noon-1pm. My son gets home from school before 4pm and most days that's when baby is down for her nap.
It's totally paying off for me. I just love jogging even though I want to take it slow, thinking oh this is going to hurt, but it doesn't. Still really enjoying it and making sure I listen to my body when it says 'ok out of breath walk for a bit please I cannot believe you're making me do this all over again'. I have such a specific goal in mind and if it takes the rest of my life to get there, that's ok with me.
In the meantime, GET OFF THE COUCH!
On Black Friday I found a good deal on some New Balance shoes that I really liked and feel oh so comfortable so since then I have taken up jog/walking again. Now you'd think I'd be sore, or even complain saying, 'How'd I get so old?!' but I'm not. I actually feel invigorated and more motivated to continue. I loved to run in High School, I love doing it now, maybe even more so. I just needed to find that window of opportunity to have time to do it! Took forever to find the time!
About a month ago I started paying attention to two things. One, when I had the most energy or was the most bored. Two, when there might be a window where baby girl is napping and the kids are here to help me out. Last week I found my window. About 3pm I get this boost and from what I hear that's the opposite of most people who crash around then. Because I'm up so early in the morning my crash is more around noon-1pm. My son gets home from school before 4pm and most days that's when baby is down for her nap.
It's totally paying off for me. I just love jogging even though I want to take it slow, thinking oh this is going to hurt, but it doesn't. Still really enjoying it and making sure I listen to my body when it says 'ok out of breath walk for a bit please I cannot believe you're making me do this all over again'. I have such a specific goal in mind and if it takes the rest of my life to get there, that's ok with me.
In the meantime, GET OFF THE COUCH!
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