I dread my endocrinologist appointments. I put them off rescheduling. I even go to the dentist more readily. My recent appointment despite my cringing had good news. My glucose was normal, my tsh was normal and my cholesterol all normal and healthy. I thought I was hallucinating. As most of you know I have been struggling with health issues since becoming hypothyroid and losing weight is almost impossible when you have no thyroid to rely on. Not to mention keeping it off but despite everything against me I am finally and extremely slowly moving in the right direction.
I am still incredibly frustrated on that front but the fact that I'm getting healthier is what I'm choosing to focus on. I have been struggling with pain and health for over 3 years now and it's nice to have it all under control and be able to handle every day things like a normal wife and mother can. It's been an extraordinary climb to get here and this is only the beginning. I have a lifetime of uphill to conquer with no plateau in sight ( except for my weight grrrrr).
I am so thankful. I know we don't always get the blessings we want when we want them. But He does listen to our prayers and He does give us what we need when we need it despite our grumbles and disagreements. I am learning to increase my faith, to have more trust in the Lord. Just when you think you got this, you realize there is so much more growing for you to do. He stretches us and challenges us to gain strength and knowledge through experiences. It all makes us stronger if we allow it to.
Having free agency is tough sometimes. The freedom to make a lot of mistakes and a lot of good choices mingled together throughout our lives. Hopefully we do what is best for ourselves and our families in the long run. Hopefully we aren't afraid to change course when the Lord makes it blatantly obvious that how we're doing things might not be in our best interest or in the interest of our children. That there is always a better way. His way. The trick is finding the path He has laid out for you knowing it's what's best for you and doing your best to stick to it no matter what.
It can be the slightest inch, the slightest comment, that will throw us off the path. We can choose to be easily offended by a comment from another that really shouldn't have been able to shake us in the first place. Sometimes we are offended because the comment is true and it's something about ourselves that we really struggle with inwardly and know we need to work on but brush aside.
We can fall off our path by our ill choices, becoming selfish with time wanting what we want when we want it without patience or care to how others might react or the consequences that will affect everyone around us. Granted you shouldn't always care what other people think but you do have to live in this world and get along with society best you can. I don't always agree with what societies views are, to be honest I see a slippery slope of do what makes you feel good instead of do the right thing, but I still have to be able to get along with them. When we make choice we don't get to choose the reaction or consequence but we do have to face them. If you make good and honest choices you will receive good consequences it's that simple.
If you have wandered because of offence or guilt or whatever the cause, please come back to Him who created you. He's waiting for you. He loves you. He desires to help you succeed in righteous desires. There's freedom in His way versus our own. If you haven't in a while, talk to Him. Tell the Lord how you feel about yourself, your life, and Him. Don't be shy but be honest and reverent. He'll listen. Be patient the answers always come. I know He listens. I know He lives. I know He loves us and wishes us well. If it is good, seek after it.
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