Offering Support

Treat others how you want to be treated.  Most of us have parents that have exhausted that phrase and we ourselves with children probably use it often as well.  Sometimes though, the person you are 'treating' isn't like you at all or has little in common with you and might not see life as you do.  Although this is a very valid and understandable phrase, especially with children I think it gets much more complicated as an adult.  Observance is a necessary start, taking inventory of the situation your friend may be in first and hearing their opinion and game plan is much more beneficial.  Through my own personal experience I find that the phrase what do you need me to do for you is much better.

We all hit brick walls of life's challenges constantly and some brick walls we only need our sledge hammer, some strength and some faith.  But some challenges need a bridge or a tunnel much too difficult to do on our own.  Do we ask for help when we are stuck or do we shy away in the shadows of embarrassment or pure stubborn nature, avoiding a faster and more meaningful result?  I myself have been annoyed on several occasions with the how are you question that usually requires no response on my part whatsoever as it has now become socially acceptable to simply ask and expect an I'm fine answer in return so that you can carry on about your day telling yourself I'm a good person for asking.  My problem is in the insincerity of it all.  When is the last time you were genuinely listening to the best of your attention span and ability to the answer?  When was the last time you answered truthfully with more than "I'm fine"?

Tricky sometimes isn't it.  It's so wonderful when those few and far between moments of grand miracles arrive in life.  Someone paying you back or giving you a bonus just when you need the extra buck.  Someone brings over an abundance of garden treasures because they cannot possibly finish it on their own when you are struggling to provide food for your family.  That last minute phone call to save you from the unemployment line when you knew layoffs were coming and your application has been accepted at another job.  So marvelous when that happens.  But let's face it, most of the time, it doesn't.  Everyone is in such a different place in life and I myself have lent money or emotional support the best I could for as long as I could and been burned for the effort.

I can't support others if I'm not in a good place myself to begin with, it would only make things worse for those I'm trying to help and I can't sit idly by either when I see others struggle.  I do what I can when I can and that's enough.  As long as I am genuine about it, as long as I am putting forth a solid effort to do what needs to be done I'm happy with that.  I'm not perfect.  I can't always do everything for everyone all at once it overwhelms me but I definitely do have a desire to.  All we can do is our best.

As of late I have been determined to pay more attention to those around me when they speak to me and really take a genuine interest in what they're saying, even if I disagree.  Usually I feel pulled in more than one conversation at a time and have always had at least one individual be cross with me because I didn't hear the whole story or come back to them if we were interrupted.  Distractions are everywhere and I'm working on that.  If I want someone to take an interest in me, my thoughts, my experiences and knowledge in life then I have to start that way with them.  They might say something that they truly need help with or comfort for or even just an ear to vent it out loud helps.  I'll try not to criticize and hopefully they will return the favor.  It means a lot to us all to be heard.  Even if others don't agree with everything we think and say it's so important to support and uplift each other.  Find common ground.  Love and listen with real intent.  Put meaning back into the conversation.