WHAT?! are you wearing!

So I have this thing every month where I take one of our older two children out once a month with just me to do whatever they feel like doing. Movie, salon, play, roller blading, whatever they want. This past weekend was my 'date' with my 10 yr old son. I asked him what he wanted to do his answer, to my surprise, shopping. We have this deal the kids have their own bank accounts with me as the primary parent on the account and whenever they want to go shopping we transfer money from their account to mine, it keeps their accounts safter with no cheques or bank card as well as teaching them to be responsible, and I in turn hand them cash.
So, we go to the mall, which I dread because it's always overcrowded on the weekends but still go anways, and we start in the JC Penny store. I love JC Penny. They have the uncool flowery ew gross I'd never wear that section, the skimpy only my husband can ever see that anyways so why spend the money for it section, and last but not least the fat lady, don't you wish we made better clothes for you, section. Of course we don't head for THAT section right away we 'window shop' in the boys section after all it is his day. My son is actually very practical and smart when he shops with his own money vs using mine. I hear "woah that's too much money for that" or "maybe I should save up and get this instead". Every mom loves to hear those words it shows maturity. He sets his sights on a pair of jeans which usually mom has to pick out his size for him and he found his own size as well as picking out a couple of shirts and a vest. Then I ask the dreaded question. How much of that do you need? To which his reply was a sheepish grin and he in turn put some items back on the shelf leaving him with his nice pair of jeans and a tshirt of oscar the grouch.
Now it's my turn. Now I just had a baby 4 months ago and this is real life not Hollywood so although the weight has been coming off its slow. I did however lose all of my initial weight gain from the pregnancy in the first week or two but now I'm going for 'extra' being that I have extra to spare and the spare has got to go!
Keep in mind though that I'm no the least bit interested in obsessing over what I look like cause let's face it I have to look me in the mirror every day not you and I have to be comfortable in my skin not you so I don't really care what YOU think I look like. I am in the I just had a baby fat lady section and the first thing I see..........low rider shorts. What!? Why would any fat woman in her right mind want to wear low riding anything so that her ponch can spill over and flap around in the wind airing itself out on a hot day? Tell me what stupid human thought this one up? Stupid people are a serious pet peeve of mine although I'm tolerant and polite to their faces.
Back to the clothes. Obviously with my view on low rider shorts looking at them is a waste of my time so I move on to tops. I am as they say in between sizes which is annoying at any size so I have been keeping the size that's on the roomier side than the one that's not quite there yet in my opinion. I don't get fat lady designers today though everything looks so cute on the rack but then I put it on and find some obscure place that they've put a pocket that even Cher herself never would have thought of. So with my son in tow and getting annoyed that we're even shopping for me at this point I grab some shirts and a pair of shorts , against my better judgement, and set off to the fitting room.
I start with a nice almost see through but not enough not to buy it smokey blue shirt that actually has style to it and put it in the ok pile moving on to another shirt that also fits well but for some reason is extra extra long on my and feels like a skimpy dress more than a shirt but if I wear it with a skirt won't be so bad so into the ok pile it goes too. Then on to this blousy looking thing with some weird scrap of material I guess I'm supposed to use for a belt. Hideous I look like Alice Cooper in a bad shirt definitely in the no pile. Then the afformentioned tshirt with a weird pocket that Cher would never wear so why am I trying it on? In the no pile. Then the shorts. I start with the left leg then the right leg and pull....pull.....pull....dag nabbit! The low rider shorts! I thought I had grabbed the ones beside that were NORMAL. They barely cover my a** and are shoving fat in places that even the fat is scared and doesn't know what to do. Embarrassing but true. Definitely these go into the no pile.
Seriously with an episode like that and a 10 yr old son saying "Mom are you done now I want to go to the bookstore" leaving JC Penny was all I could think about.
It did end well though, the shopping experience. We went to that Body and Bath store where they have 8 workers for one store all armed with some sort of spraying device or lotion and they plaster you before you can say a word or even maneuvre out of the way. When you go left they go right and when you finally escape one you only turn around to get smothered by another. I smelled like the store by the time we left but we did have fun joining in and spraying the tester bottles alllllll over the store towards the workers. Yeaaahh see how you like it lady!
We ended at the bookstore per my son's request and standing in line with only one person in front of us and like 6 people behind us tapping their feet he suddenly pipes up, "Hang on Mom I'm going to put this book back and grab spongebob instead." Greeeaaaaat ok hurry I say as the 6 people glare at me with he better make it back by the time you reach the till faces. As the people in front of us end their purchase bag in hand my son ruuuunnnns toward the till almost jumping the book display to get to the counter and notices yet another nick nack backing up to grab that too. The 6 people behind us are now whispering to each other things like " I knew it, what is this lady's problem?, if I had a kid like that," but we still made it through safe and sound with our embarrassing experiences, mostly mine, and now standing in 100 degree heat smelling like 12 different fragrances and sweat.