Yaaawwwwnnn

Toddlers are fun.
Some of the time.

Last night or should I say eeeaarrrly this morning I was finally permitted by my one year old to fall asleep. Only to be awoken about 4 hours later with "Hey that was a great nap mom let's go play now" in my ear. Even through my complaining though, I have discovered that I really like it when she sings to me. She sung herself and I to sleep and then was singing and chattering to me softly to wake me up. Soooo cute.

By the way have I mentioned that personality wise and big blue eyes to boot my baby girl is literally the cutest one in the world? You can call me biased if you want to but the fact is if you met her and got to know her she'd make you sick to your stomach like eating a pillow case full of Halloween candy because she is that sweet.

I hate how video cameras just don't catch the moments like we see them with her. She is by far the most creative, all out passionate dancer that I have ever met. My oldest two children are somewhat musical. She already sings on key and dances her heart out just like her mother. Gosh I miss being a kid sometimes when I look at her and think of all the things she does that remind me of the things I used to really enjoy.

Here's the part where you say, "Why can't you dance and sing anymore?". It's not that I can't, it's that I'm a lot more self conscious now that I'm older. When I was young I loved people watching me, cheering me on saying, "Wow that little girl is so talented!" But now I just get red cheeks and want to crawl in a hole. But, I'm very proud of my toddler for doing her thing and will encourage it until she can't stand it no more lol.

I, like most of you, have great expectations and ambitions for my daughter all the while reminding myself, 'You can steer her in the right direction, but she has to choose to walk it'. I hope that she's a hard worker, she uses her intellect for great and amazing things instead of how to cheat on a test or sneak out of the house or get her dad to give her 20 bucks every time he sees her bat her eyelashes. You know what I'm talking about. I hope that she's a kind hearted individual and displays her talents proudly, unlike her shying away mother who still regrets that. I'm working on it. I hope that she is sensitive to those in need and has a big heart willing to give whatever she can to help, within reason. I just, love her. I want the best for her. I want the best for all my children. ( sorry about the soap opera line there lol)

I guess after making so many of my own mistakes, like listening to the mean kids make fun of me for being good at something, I worry about them making the same ones. I would hate them not to see their potential and have the confidence to keep going. Took me a very long time to stop caring what other people think. Judge away like I've said in the past you'll never be my judge and jury in the end it will on be on your head. By all means keep gossiping thinking that every word and thought hasn't been recorded by angels to some degree. Please continue. Hope my kids refuse to do that their whole lives and I hope they always see the potential for greatness in others.

Ultimately. Everyone has a choice in the matter. How they raise their children. What they allow in their homes. The kinds of friends they choose to surround themselves with ( hopefully ones that inspire ). The kind of person, human being, they want to be while they are living on this earth. I can always hope and pray for them to do well, to succeed. I can always set boundaries to help steer them and be willing to listen because I don't always have the answers and it's ok that they know that.

So, tell me, how are your kids doing?


P.S. Love this youtube video to your right lol soooo goooood.

Holy Painfulness!

That was THE worst experience in my life so far. Terrible. Painful. It's ok if you call me a baby when you do this with the same doctor I won't say a word.

First of all I had an appointment at 2:15 the doctor didn't even make an appearance until about 3. Then after 10 minutes of talking he administered a local pricking my neck about 9 times trying the "spread it around". He said it would about 5 minutes to kick in and he'd be right back.

15-20 minutes later, he makes an appearance and realizes the nurse isn't here yet so has to hunt her down. Finally with both in the room we are getting underway. It may be a fine needle but let's face it by this time it's been about 20-25 minutes since the local in small but many doses has even been administered and is starting to wear off. The first 2 biopsies I don't feel too bad either than pressure and a small pinch. But the next one. HOLY CRAP and that's putting it politely. Felt funky and cool the first 2 but the 3rd one hurt. I have no description for it. It's like someone stabbing you 3 or 4 times and you could see the doctor was concentrating and trying not to hurt me.

Then he tells me on the 4th one it was bad because I must have moved or turned which I didn't. The 5th time which was supposed to be the last one was bad because I was breathing which is odd because I was literally holding onto the sides of the table and biting my tongue to keep from screaming and when I do that I hold my breath. So finally we get to the 6th one (large needle being poked deep into the nodule in my thyroid about 5 or 6 times to get a sample) and I am just praying to survive and not ball my eyes out in front of them.

Never again. If the hospital looses the samples or anything goes wrong tough! If he ever wants to do that to me again then he has to be 1) on time 2) efficient and timely once the local has been administered 3)don't blame me you're the one with the needle in your hand.

Horrible experience. My neck is still swollen and black and blue. It's still hard to turn my neck and swallow and I definitely didn't sing in church today lol. Coughing and sneezing make me wish I was in labor. Never thought I'd experience something worse than last time I got checked by a nurse in hard labor ( she had lee press ons scratching me from the inside out and all the blood she found was from her) but this biopsy took the trophy.

Now I have "options". If the nodule is cancerous it's nice and easy. Surgery removes it and it's done. Wait a couple of weeks and see if the hyperthyroidism settles down. If it's not then I can either have hyperthyroid drugs that you can only take for 2 years and can ruin your fetus in the first trimester if you becomre pregnant. Orrrr you can opt to take a very high dose of radioactive iodine that kills the thyroid to stop function completely, which will make me radioactive for a week,( can't even sleep in same room as anybody)and will make me hypothyroid for the rest of my life which I'm told by the doctor is much easier to treat and you can get pregnant all you want to.

By the way that myth about hyperthyroidism making you lose weight? Don't listen to it. You lose muscle and bone tissue with hyperthyroidism not fat. Not a diet not a blessing. Instead you also get heart palpitations ( high blood pressure), thinning hair, you're hot all the time, and your tired because you can't sleep. Like menopause with a period. Such a lovely combination isn't it.

Take very good care of yourselves. Don't listen to the donuts or the diet soda or the pizza or the cake anymore. Listen to your heart and your kidneys and your lungs and your liver and take good care of yourself. Fresh fruit and veggies. Lots of water. Make time to rest and sleep when you can schedule it into your day. And lots of walking. Like I said in the last blog walking can solve any problem if you just get off your couch or out of your chair and do it. Call me I'll do it with ya if you need help. That's the bottom line I'm afraid. Do the work and you'll be fine.

Let's Try This Again

I struggle rising with the birds, I'm aiming for 6am. I never have time to walk or run on my treadmill and I'm sure it misses me more than I miss it. But I have decided as of late to get reaquainted with said treadmill and also of course my abandoned alarm on my clock now getting some play time. I find and have always found that if I spend even just 15 mins on the hamster wheel that I have a better more energetic happier day. I would rather be happy than tired or bored so there you have it. I have a doctor that literally told me walking can solve everything. Heart out of wack go for a walk, speeding up your heart rate will put it back in sync the way it is supposed to be. Feel stressed? Go for a walk. It helps you think more clearly and as a result you become a better, calmer problem solver. Twisted ankle or sore joints? Go for a walk it's not a marathon but it will help your mobility and increase your capability to retain muscle. Muscle that you're going to need if you like to be upright instead of a wheelchair. Brilliant.

Believe it or not it's that half hour early in the morning , while everyone else is occupied with sleep or getting ready for the day so they don't bother or annoy me, that I love most about my day. I'm sure it's no pretty sight sweat dripping down my red face, possible drool on the horizon if I'm still half asleep. But I like it.

Another wonderful benefit? I crave water all day long. It's not only good for me and calorieless which is a huge wonderfulness about this wonderful thing. But it also makes my skin nicer. Granted in the fall and wintertime I get very scaly red blotches all over my body and face if you have seen me lately I especially get it under my nose and eyebrows. I'm sure people are wondering why I'm picking my nose so much or if I have a cold but you see, I don't care. It is what it is and moisturizing lotion doesn't change it I have to live with it and if you love me, so do you. Hopefully the water will keep kicking in and make my skin look luxurious I can dream right?

I love fruit and vegetables but they don't keep long in the fridge and I find myself always throwing it out so I'm careful what I buy. I can hear the thoughts in your head agreeing with me thankyou. I refuse to take my children grocery shopping with me anymore unless I absolutely have to stop with them on the way home. I'm such a cruel shopping mother too. I think I say the word no more in stores than I do anywhere else in this world. Terrible isn't it. I would like to be able to have my fruit and veggies on a daily basis and have found that I love them more than the rest of my family so I have opted to simply buy fresh every couple of days and just for me. The worst thing that could happen is they get eaten by the family and I get to find a bag of chips right? (pausing) Nope no chips back on topic.

Now the real question is, am I trying to lose weight? No.

Surprised are we? I love feeling invigorated, dancing, sports, even my sad little treadmill that misses me. I'm more worried that I try and that I aim to improve myself compared to, well, myself. I am not you, you are not me. I need to improve who I am compared to who I have been and who I want to become. Most brilliant thing that.

So I will continue to join the birds in the morning and buy my fruit and veggies hiding them best I can to feast on them and I will continue to crave water and energy. I will continue to exercise my muscles and heart and think more clearly so that I can become a better problem solver or ever recollect things that I need to apologize for. I love this world even if it doesn't love me back. I would love to hear what gets you moving and if you have any helpful ideas.

We Can't Go On This Way

I feel like a failure alot these days. But I try to suck it up and remind myself that I'm doing the best I can. Worry about me not everyone around me. One problem though and it's a doozy. My family is constantly influenced by everyone else around them. We all want it the way we want it after experience and observation of others and ourselves. Hard to achieve.

My kids aren't kids anymore. (sigh) They are teenagers. (bigger sigh) I knew this was coming I expected to butt heads with them but commmeee ooonnn. They are wonderful children don't get me wrong. But sometimes lately they are more immature than their one year old sister and it's kinda driving me nuts. I have been accused of yelling when I have gone out of my way not to and to be calm and speak clearly to them. I have been accused of it always being my fault even when I'm not in the room or don't make a peep. And I hear "No! I'm not going to do that!" and "Make me". Which I do.

I'm not one of those parents that makes a threat and have worked with my husband along these lines of discipline also. We make a pretty fierce team to be reckoned with if you push. I don't threaten. I simply state if you disobey, or ignore, or refuse then this IS going to happen. I love taking away the tv and computer and watching their creative minds thrive. Don't tell them I said that. I love seeing them want to play board games, sports outside, etc vs the alternative of FB friends and weird Disney Channel shows.

I really wish there were more hours in every day so that we had the time to do all those things together we want to. But if the chores don't get done then we all get behind and we all get stuck doing everyone else's work ( laziness another teenage quality) and thus never have the time to enjoy the fun aspects. Like jumping in the pile of raked up leaves before bagging them. Sliding on our socks on the newly polished hard wood floors. Dag nabbit my kids are no fun! I still do those things!


Where in the parent handbook does it say that my kids have to pretend to be adults by not doing anything in good simple fun anymore? Parents take away the cell phones it's a catastrophe waiting to happen. Less accidents just from the lack of texting and talking on the phone while driving which means most of us get a fair chance to live out our lives. That and they think that it makes them older. Reminds me of cigarette commercials. Forgive me for saying this but same crap different pile right? Get them outside turn off the tv play basketball, go hiking, do anything outside. Play in the snow you know how to wear layers and play in the snow stop whining about the cold.

I hope and pray for a better generation. One that holds tight to tradition of families first and electronics can wait. These children have the potential to be absolutlely amazing people that could literally do incredible things for this world and we are ruining it for them with all this stuff. There is so much stuff going on around them they haven't a moment to figure out what they really want and I don't want to send confused children to a post secondary education on my dime and have them clueless. Do you?

I have no problem with the I'm not going to's and make me's as long as I stick to what I believe in and be a good example to them. As long as I make an honest effort. I feel like giving up alot with them because of how the world is. But who said I had to follow the world in the first place? I wish for a more mature attitude from my kids that they will never get if there are no outlets that exclude video games 10 hours a day and cartoon addicts. They need things that build them up in a respectable and intelligent way. Am I the only one annoyed with how kids act today and that so many parents just give up and let them go on this way?