Again? Seriously?

A big sigh and roll of the eyes later here I am again in a familiar spot. Do young girls really gossip this much? I don't remember doing that. I remember walking away a lot but that was me. Not everyone has the confidence to do that even though I was made fun of for doing the right thing, tooonnnsss. But who cares at least I walked away.

Do the youth of this world really not realize their worth? Really? You honestly can't see that this part of your life is an " in training" if you will? This is the best part of your life if you choose to make it that way! But, you have to choose it. This is the part of life where you decide the kind of adult you want to become and practice it as much as you can.

If you want to be out going and overcome shy tendencies then I say get out there make some new friends, get involved with more team sports and opportunities and see how you do. You will NEVER know unless you try. If you want to become fashionable but not overspend become a trend setter. Design your own clothes and wear them proudly, see how others react. You may be pleasantly surprised. Trust me you don't want the "what if" factor haunting you later. I'm not saying act on every evil or impure thought you have, hopefully you're all smarter than that.

Basically the point is, yes you do have to grow up, it's inevitable from here on out more will be expected of you, required of you. You knew it was going to happen, you have no choice in the matter, it's been going on for thousands of years! Surprise your parents by becoming more honest and responsible for your actions and your words. Yes my little sisters, words can hurt and cause unfixable damage in the process not only to the one it's intended for but to how others view you as well. I myself have lost many a friend from seeing how wrong they treat others and not wanting any part of it and trust me you don't look cool doing it so don't convince yourself that you do.

The old saying what goes around comes around isn't just words at all and it's old because it's been passed on again and again from generations past to help you become better than they were so listen up. I'm sure you have loving parents and grandparents who encourage you to be the best you possible and see loads of potential in who you can become. We're not saying you're there yet though there is work involved after all, so don't mistake our idea of your potential to become into you already are. But we see it in you and encourage it to come out of you as much as possible. We scold and get after you when we think you're detouring from the real you. It's ok to be calm and kind you don't have to be rude or loud or silly all the time in fact if you were all the time I'm sure some people might get annoyed and you might even annoy yourself lol.

Be helpful, and most of all be respectful to everyone around you. Disrespectful people tend not to think too highly of themselves and create bad habits to make up for it. Accept who you are no matter how afraid you are to show it, and work on the things about yourself that really bother you. After all you have to live with you. Everyone else can simply walk away if they have to. You can't so strive to be comfortable in your own skin.

I love you and I think you all have great potential to be brilliant and charming and a generation of true strength and leadership.

Incredible Journey

I'm sure all of us take the time to reflect our lives a bit, especially on our birthdays. That reminder that we're only getting older and one more frantic year has passed us by and we reflect on if we actually managed to accomplish anything we had planned to by this age in our lives. I'm no exception and do this every year.

Life is such an incredible journey when you hit your 30's. You really start to be able to see how you took shape in your childhood and teens and all the things that could have really honestly messed you up and didn't. You chose not to let it bother you or half the time didn't even notice it. Remarkable.

Looking back I could easily flinch at everything I did wrong. But instead I choose to giggle and smile at the blotches of insecurities and mishaps. How silly and stupid they are sometimes. The more serious ones definitely hurt without question, however, I'm still here. I made it this far. Happy and secure in who I am. So how bad could it have been after all?

There's the flip side of the coin as well. All the things you wish you had the time to accomplish and just have to make other sacrifices in it's stead. It doesn't mean never it just means later on. And that's ok. I have alot of desires and hopes and dreams yet to dream and succeed at. I have plenty on ambition and drive, it's time that gets away from me. But I also know that it's just for now at this moment and could possibly get even busier. But if I set small goals with plenty of time I'll get there. I can always work on the big things when I really do have more time.

And won't it be wonderful to work on all of those hopes and dreams with my husband along for the journey. Helping and encouraging him with his own also. Won't that be grand.

I'm going bananas

I cannot stop thinking and rethinking about certain issues that surround me at the moment. It's like a cd on repeat. I'm growing tired of the same tune playing over and over again. I have tried everything I can think of to get rid of it. Reading, studying, cleaning, new projects, anything. It feels like a big globby of tar on my shoe and I can't for the life of me get it off me.

My husband just keeps telling me the way these issues keep presenting themselves just doesn't make any sense so why am I trying to make sense of it. Simple I'm addicted to learning and figuring things out(shakes head giggling) and it's a terrible burden at times. Usually I'm like him analytical thinking take emotion out of it, use logic.(made me a cold person once I would have scared you) But I used that as a defense mechanism years ago and have tried to 'fix it'(rolling eyes at herself) by allowing emotion to be a part of the way I think. Sometimes my compassion will override the logic however and then I'm too far on the other side.

This tight rope walker isn't very sturdy yet(pictures me in tights on a rope and bursts out laughing). Finding balance in all things is imperative to our sanity and survival. How do you balance a whirlwind?(takes a look at all the factors and people involved and shudders) And better yet, how do you stay out of the way of the falling anvils trying to knock you down repeatedly? I'm still working on that(sighs) but I know that I've made progress. Keeping the worldly things outside is hard when it's always banging at your door(covers ears) and screaming things you know aren't true trying to convince you to believe fiction vs reality. THAT annoys me.

If you are in this whirlwind I'm sorry to hear that and I hope you catch your breath. If you are in this crazy thing by choice then what on earth is the matter with you?(shakes head) Worldly things are nothing but a big distraction and it's so so good at it too. I prefer that feeling of lighter things and I wish so badly that I could just forget all of this nonsense but it keeps rearing 'its' ugly head.( I never thought I'd see something uglier than me to be honest)

I keep going. I keep trying. I keep hoping. This anvil isn't budging and the tar on my shoe is growing.

Ok enough of that now...what's new with you?

Working on it...

Man I had no idea my shell was so strong and so sturdy. But only because it's been sitting here so long. I've been stuck in some aspect or another for so long I never noticed that I was trapped by this "shell". Terrible thing to do to myself I'm thinking. It's hard to break. Too heavy to move. I find myself taking small steps forward but falling 3 steps back because of the weight of this "thing".

I joined a choir. Have asked someone to help me relearn the guitar. I'm getting my flute repadded and teaching piano lessons is making me play more on my own. I feel like singing all the time again like I used to but I still struggle with that "in public" thing but I'm working on it. And instead of singing quietly, even to myself, I'm aquainting myself with my voice, louder this time lol.

I find myself being honest all the time about everything versus my hold my tongue approach and surprising even myself with the things I say. The most interesting part of that is it feels great! I'm used to the whole keep it to yourself or don't say that, they might judge you. Lately I've had a 'feeling' to stop being so irritatingly polite and just be honest. I'm not saying be rude goodness no, neither am I saying I wasn't telling the truth before. Instead of filtering, refiltering, and filtering again I use a much smaller one time filter before I speak and I feel lighter. I can't always worry about how other people will react to what I'm saying or worry about offending them, it's illogical. "There's always going to be someone telling you, you've got it wrong". I am used to saying things that are sometimes over people's heads without thinking about how to explain it first before I say it lol that confuses people. I sometimes even say things in mid conversation because my mind has heard the beginning so many times it just plain wants to move the conversation along and get a little farther next time. Have you had that?

I pay more compliments to everyone I know and find myself truly feeling love for, well, everyone. I have changed my attitude towards life a lot these past few weeks and found several articles, scriptural references, and quotes that I feel backed up by. Like I was always meant to discover this about me. Believing in me and picking my journey home aren't too bad after all and if I make a mistake well good, it'll give me something new to learn about. Besides, I'm human just like you are right? Figuring it out can be fun sometimes.

And that shell? Is finally sliding off, thank heavens, because who wants to feel weighed down like that. If I pay you a compliment out of nowhere or offer you a friendly hug just take it and pass it on. It's totally worth the smile on yours and everyone else's faces in the end.