Working on it...

Man I had no idea my shell was so strong and so sturdy. But only because it's been sitting here so long. I've been stuck in some aspect or another for so long I never noticed that I was trapped by this "shell". Terrible thing to do to myself I'm thinking. It's hard to break. Too heavy to move. I find myself taking small steps forward but falling 3 steps back because of the weight of this "thing".

I joined a choir. Have asked someone to help me relearn the guitar. I'm getting my flute repadded and teaching piano lessons is making me play more on my own. I feel like singing all the time again like I used to but I still struggle with that "in public" thing but I'm working on it. And instead of singing quietly, even to myself, I'm aquainting myself with my voice, louder this time lol.

I find myself being honest all the time about everything versus my hold my tongue approach and surprising even myself with the things I say. The most interesting part of that is it feels great! I'm used to the whole keep it to yourself or don't say that, they might judge you. Lately I've had a 'feeling' to stop being so irritatingly polite and just be honest. I'm not saying be rude goodness no, neither am I saying I wasn't telling the truth before. Instead of filtering, refiltering, and filtering again I use a much smaller one time filter before I speak and I feel lighter. I can't always worry about how other people will react to what I'm saying or worry about offending them, it's illogical. "There's always going to be someone telling you, you've got it wrong". I am used to saying things that are sometimes over people's heads without thinking about how to explain it first before I say it lol that confuses people. I sometimes even say things in mid conversation because my mind has heard the beginning so many times it just plain wants to move the conversation along and get a little farther next time. Have you had that?

I pay more compliments to everyone I know and find myself truly feeling love for, well, everyone. I have changed my attitude towards life a lot these past few weeks and found several articles, scriptural references, and quotes that I feel backed up by. Like I was always meant to discover this about me. Believing in me and picking my journey home aren't too bad after all and if I make a mistake well good, it'll give me something new to learn about. Besides, I'm human just like you are right? Figuring it out can be fun sometimes.

And that shell? Is finally sliding off, thank heavens, because who wants to feel weighed down like that. If I pay you a compliment out of nowhere or offer you a friendly hug just take it and pass it on. It's totally worth the smile on yours and everyone else's faces in the end.