I'm going bananas

I cannot stop thinking and rethinking about certain issues that surround me at the moment. It's like a cd on repeat. I'm growing tired of the same tune playing over and over again. I have tried everything I can think of to get rid of it. Reading, studying, cleaning, new projects, anything. It feels like a big globby of tar on my shoe and I can't for the life of me get it off me.

My husband just keeps telling me the way these issues keep presenting themselves just doesn't make any sense so why am I trying to make sense of it. Simple I'm addicted to learning and figuring things out(shakes head giggling) and it's a terrible burden at times. Usually I'm like him analytical thinking take emotion out of it, use logic.(made me a cold person once I would have scared you) But I used that as a defense mechanism years ago and have tried to 'fix it'(rolling eyes at herself) by allowing emotion to be a part of the way I think. Sometimes my compassion will override the logic however and then I'm too far on the other side.

This tight rope walker isn't very sturdy yet(pictures me in tights on a rope and bursts out laughing). Finding balance in all things is imperative to our sanity and survival. How do you balance a whirlwind?(takes a look at all the factors and people involved and shudders) And better yet, how do you stay out of the way of the falling anvils trying to knock you down repeatedly? I'm still working on that(sighs) but I know that I've made progress. Keeping the worldly things outside is hard when it's always banging at your door(covers ears) and screaming things you know aren't true trying to convince you to believe fiction vs reality. THAT annoys me.

If you are in this whirlwind I'm sorry to hear that and I hope you catch your breath. If you are in this crazy thing by choice then what on earth is the matter with you?(shakes head) Worldly things are nothing but a big distraction and it's so so good at it too. I prefer that feeling of lighter things and I wish so badly that I could just forget all of this nonsense but it keeps rearing 'its' ugly head.( I never thought I'd see something uglier than me to be honest)

I keep going. I keep trying. I keep hoping. This anvil isn't budging and the tar on my shoe is growing.

Ok enough of that now...what's new with you?