Every once in a blue moon ( so rare) I get a moment to relfect on previous posts, moments in my life. Times of struggle, times of triumph, times on intrigue and curiosity. Small lessons and big ones, profound and creative. They are all me. It just goes to show you that you are not defined in one word or even 5 words or even 25 words. You are incredibly unique. I am like a rubber band in lesson learning being stretched as far as I can go and occasionally a misstep will occur ( I totally make mistakes more than I'd like to)and I snap back. It always hurts, it's always frustrating but I learn from it and that's the most important part.
I am also like a shiny diamond cut and polished, multifaceted with so many details and yes flaws. But boy can I sparkle when I want to! I am capable of absorbing light and reflecting that light to others. I can shine. The more I learn and absorb the more I can teach and reflect not only to others but to myself as well. I've kept a journal since I was twelve years old. I wrote everything in it and even now at thirty-eight I am still astounded at the lessons I learned. They are profound and filled with wisdom, intelligence, and light. Of course not every page is that way some of them say my parents suck for grounding me or so and so was talking about me at lunch and I hate her now. That stuff actually makes me laugh and smile, it's still a part of me, I felt it at the time. Even those seemingly insignificant parts have their place and meaning in my life.
Keeping an online journal like this blog is even harder. I guess when I started it I felt like I had been hiding who I was for so long that I just didn't see the point anymore and had to let it all out. Still working on that but it has helped me a tremendous amount to be able to go back to my written journals and this blog and actually see growth, determination to succeed, knowledge and wisdom that still help me. It's weird when you read some entries of things you've written years ago and find that you just gave the best advice to yourself you could have ever gotten of course not knowing at the time you'd need it like you do now and you can't escape it because it came from you. What a blessing.
I was recently reading my "shoe fly don't bother me" blog from October 11,2010 over three years ago. I don't think if I tried to write that blog today I would even be able to do it as well as I did that day. It's almost scary how perfect it is to me, for me and maybe even for others. How I honestly feel about friendship in this world and my life. But that's the point of this blog isn't it. To be completely honest with myself and hope and rely on you, the public to offer words of encouragement or advice to help me become a better person. This is a life mission I'm afraid. I still struggle letting me be myself around others and so desperately want to be able to. I hate that I hide it drives me crazy! Sometimes it really hurts my feelings.
So grateful for the opportunity to even have a blog and be able to write it in every chance I get when either something's bothering me or I learn something new or I'm being just plain opinionated about stuff lol. I like that I can be held accountable this way. It's soothing to me to know this isn't hidden. It's not in some book on my nightstand with a pen inside, it's right here in front of everyone. You never know who's reading or watching and possibly going through a lot of the same things I am or hopefully not going through the same things I am and counting your blessings. I think there is peace in sharing hardships with others whether they can relate to it or not.
Do yourself a favor. Stand out today. Some kind of hidden talent that you might have that someone long ago made fun of you for that you do well. Sing in a park for no reason other than you love to sing. Jump on a trampoline in your neighbors yard doing flips you know you're good at. Something. Be that diamond. Shine!
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