Making an Effort

When you look into the mirror what do you see?  Freckles, ambition, freedom, strong will, crooked nose, sadness, a better version of yourself?  I see an older version of how I actually feel.  I see someone who struggles to understand herself and everyone around her.  I see a fighter, a creator, a friend, a mother, a daughter, a wife.  I see love, willingness, patience, and hope.  I see tired, worn out, frustrated, fed up.  Trying to improve yourself on a daily basis is really hard work.  It's never just your insides either you try to improve your life around you.  Be more helpful, more trustworthy.  More organized, more forgiving.

Sometimes the money and the time don't add up so I'll have some new material for a room in the house to improve but no time to execute.  I'll finally find a week to take a family vacation but have to spend a large portion of savings on medical bills, car repairs etc.  You sure do have to fight for your life.  Prioritize.  I need time to sit down and do that don't I.  By the time I find some my priorities have changed and I get frustrated and annoyed.

I pray for help and see leaps and bounds of understanding in myself and those I pray for to have patience with me.  I love to learn His will and make it a personal goal to choose to improve daily.  Sometimes that includes reminders on my 'off' days to keep going and don't give up just because I made a mistake or had a bad day trying to figure something out.  Strive to do better every day.  I need to focus on being the best me I am capable of being.  That has nothing to do with wealth or status.  It has to do with love and compassion.  Hopefully in an intelligent light that love is not without justice.

I have many opportunities of friendship and trustworthy tasks.  I help others as often as I have time to and sometimes rearrange my schedule when necessary to help.  I try not to worry about the little details but see the big picture.  I don't patronize them by ignoring their faults or mistakes but I don't harp on them either.  I make it a point to be truthful even if it's not something I want to say and definitely not something they want to hear but I try to be careful with the emotions involved.  Timing is everything as they say.  I word hard at understanding.  I fall short sometimes.  For that I'm sorry.

I have noticed lately that through this conscious effort to improve weaknesses my heart is changing.  It's slow and steady and I allow myself to make mistakes and try quickly to learn from them.  I am so much more sensitive to everyone around me than I used to be.  I have learned thus far that the Lord agrees with what I'm trying to do and thus the noticeably helping me.  It's not about popularity or stature it's about how it makes me feel.  It makes me happy to try to be a better listener, a better friend and mother.

I need to keep looking in that mirror and improving what I see.  As long as I see effort, trying to be better, trying to learn more about the world around me and about God's plan of happiness for me, I think I'm doing ok.