I love the Holidays don't you? Everyone gets more cheery ( probably thinking about the presents they'll get) and all the Christmas lights make everything so bright (please not when I'm trying to sleep though set those timers for 10pm at the latest).
One very important thing has been ..... missing. Peace.
You remember that feeling of peace don't you? Maybe when you were walking your dog alone on the back roads at midnight during a snowfall the silence was brilliant and you couldn't help but feel calm and smile. Or maybe it's just after you send your kids off to school for the day, Hubby off to work, baby down for a nap and there it is again...silence. Or occasionally and I have witnessed this myself and been in awe of it. When someone mentions Jesus Christ of course His name in a humble manner. Silence.
We, as a family, have decided that TV is too loud, computers are too annoying and time consuming and are doing an experiment with spending time together this December. We have some G rated movies the occasional PG set aside for every Sunday and Monday for the next couple of weeks and the week of Christmas nothing but Christmas movies but we prefer nothing at all. We prefer longer dinners to sit around and talk. We prefer reading out of books about how others celebrate their Christmas around the world. And we have found since we started doing this a couple of weeks ago that it works. We spend a lot of time together. We have found a humble and peaceful silence.
There was an awful lot of arguing going on beforehand. This experiment is totally worth it. My kids not only do their chores but offer to do more around the house without complaint. WITHOUT COMPLAINT. You don't know how wonderful that makes me feel that my 2 oldest children have finally had a chance to notice how busy I am with the baby and the household. They never would have seen it without the silence.
There is the most beautiful voice singing Silent Night on my music video side.
This Christmas season, to all my friends and family, turn off the tv and read together. Spend hours in delightful conversation and silliness. Find peace.
Wednesday, December 1, 2010
Monday, October 11, 2010
Shoe Fly Don't Bother Me
Ok new lesson learned. I tend to be sensitive to the people around me even when I try not to be if they hurt I hurt for and with them one of my characteristics as a person always been that way. However, sometimes when you sympathize for or with friends you discover quickly if they were your friend or just your aquaintance to begin with. Nothing like a big test in one or both parties lives to discover what you and they are really made of. True colors always eventually shine through and people aren't always what you thought.
I myself have serious trust issues people hear me say that but I never explain why and unless you are one of my dearest and closest most trusted friends in this world you're never going to. If you want to be one of my dearest and closest most trusted friends then you have to prove to me that you are trustworthy to share all my deepest secrets with, basically don't gossip about me when I do share something personal and especially never make stuff up about me or add to what I do share to pedestal yourself it's truly annoying and repulsive behavior. (usually created by some form of jealousy) Which is why I only have a small group of dearest closest most trusted friends. I love them to pieces by the way would do anything for them and they know that about me because they know most or all of the pieces about me not just a couple years here and there.
Back to my lesson learned. I always felt uncomfortable not calling everyone my friend. However in light of recent discoveries with certain individuals I realize that maybe I don't want to be everyone's friend especially when they abuse that priviledge. Yes I said priviledge I think people are lucky to have friends that genuinely care about each other but once you cross that line by being arrogant for no reason or rude and unapologetic then arms distance if not farther you go. I have the right to "keep people at a distance" that are struggling with their own personal lives and need a punching bag. With regret I cannot and refuse to be that punching bag. If I am not directly involved then you should take me up on my offer of unfailing friendship support and love. A shoulder to cry on, a late night phone call, even a financial handout if need be. But please don't turn me into a punching bag of sorts and aim your anger or frustration at me or I have to arms distance you away from me and my family. Who wouldn't?
Like I said before I felt uncomfortable for the longest time even thinking about not being everyone's friend. That I always want to help and I'm quick to forgive and I do unfortunately at times allow "friends" to aim at me because I understand that they are just upset even if it's not about me. But come on, do you really think you can keep doing that and get away with it? Do you really believe in your honest heart of hearts that you are blameless in your actions towards others and don't deserve consequences right or wrong for your own choices? Growing up isn't easy. Whoever said it was. It's hard work being honest with yourself and others all the time. It's hard work doing everything you can to help others and forgetting yourself sometimes we all have our "what about me?" moments. But ask yourself this, is it worth lowering yourself and damning your growth to be a constant fly in someone's face to make you feel better for a small moment and crappy for a lifetime?
I myself have serious trust issues people hear me say that but I never explain why and unless you are one of my dearest and closest most trusted friends in this world you're never going to. If you want to be one of my dearest and closest most trusted friends then you have to prove to me that you are trustworthy to share all my deepest secrets with, basically don't gossip about me when I do share something personal and especially never make stuff up about me or add to what I do share to pedestal yourself it's truly annoying and repulsive behavior. (usually created by some form of jealousy) Which is why I only have a small group of dearest closest most trusted friends. I love them to pieces by the way would do anything for them and they know that about me because they know most or all of the pieces about me not just a couple years here and there.
Back to my lesson learned. I always felt uncomfortable not calling everyone my friend. However in light of recent discoveries with certain individuals I realize that maybe I don't want to be everyone's friend especially when they abuse that priviledge. Yes I said priviledge I think people are lucky to have friends that genuinely care about each other but once you cross that line by being arrogant for no reason or rude and unapologetic then arms distance if not farther you go. I have the right to "keep people at a distance" that are struggling with their own personal lives and need a punching bag. With regret I cannot and refuse to be that punching bag. If I am not directly involved then you should take me up on my offer of unfailing friendship support and love. A shoulder to cry on, a late night phone call, even a financial handout if need be. But please don't turn me into a punching bag of sorts and aim your anger or frustration at me or I have to arms distance you away from me and my family. Who wouldn't?
Like I said before I felt uncomfortable for the longest time even thinking about not being everyone's friend. That I always want to help and I'm quick to forgive and I do unfortunately at times allow "friends" to aim at me because I understand that they are just upset even if it's not about me. But come on, do you really think you can keep doing that and get away with it? Do you really believe in your honest heart of hearts that you are blameless in your actions towards others and don't deserve consequences right or wrong for your own choices? Growing up isn't easy. Whoever said it was. It's hard work being honest with yourself and others all the time. It's hard work doing everything you can to help others and forgetting yourself sometimes we all have our "what about me?" moments. But ask yourself this, is it worth lowering yourself and damning your growth to be a constant fly in someone's face to make you feel better for a small moment and crappy for a lifetime?
Monday, September 13, 2010
What's With That?!
It's funny when you grow up and you start to wonder about all the people you knew in high school how different we all are. That gorgeous jock in high school is now a fat bald old man but hey at least he's nice and doesn't make sick jokes anymore when you bump into him. That so called miss popular queen of the high school halls is now in jail for being a Meth dealer and has a new boyfriend named Cheryl (sorry other Cheryls no offence lol).
So that makes me think about how much I've changed and how different I am. All the sports and music and dancing and parties and dating and kissing etc etc where in the sam heckers did I have the energy for that? And although I still love sports, I play different ones than I loved in high school lol more 'refined' ones like Tennis and golf.
Still sing in the shower loud and proud but some of those high notes seem to have climbed Mt Everest on me without a memo. We have taken up dancing most FHE nights just to have fun let some stress off and be silly. I still have moves but I can't do that thing with the breakdancing and the up and down as fast without feeling like passing out. I still go to parties only now it's to sit around and eat junk while swapping naughty stories about the things we did in high school that no one knows about, yet.
Of course I still date! Love LOVE going on dates with my husband! Man he's hot. That accent, those eyes, that smile and sorry to all those weird prep lovers but I love it when hes got his long locks going (hearts floating by here). It may be different in the whole anticipation of new things but I love this more. I get to be myself cause he's already heard me fart and held my hair when I'm sick not much left to hide lol. On top of that I fall deeper in love with him every year it's sickening. Dates rock so much better now than they did in high school.
And the kissing............nuff said.
I've seen some pictures of people that I went to school with some look different some I think are cheating on their pics cause they look exactly the same! I've had the opportunity to remeet some of them in person and others small chats on websites like Facebook. I never pictured most of us girls actually looking like our moms freaks me out a little bit. I never pictured so many class clowns getting down to business and having fantabulous careers. I never picture my life turning out the way it did either but I sure am grateful.
It's good to be a grown up.
So that makes me think about how much I've changed and how different I am. All the sports and music and dancing and parties and dating and kissing etc etc where in the sam heckers did I have the energy for that? And although I still love sports, I play different ones than I loved in high school lol more 'refined' ones like Tennis and golf.
Still sing in the shower loud and proud but some of those high notes seem to have climbed Mt Everest on me without a memo. We have taken up dancing most FHE nights just to have fun let some stress off and be silly. I still have moves but I can't do that thing with the breakdancing and the up and down as fast without feeling like passing out. I still go to parties only now it's to sit around and eat junk while swapping naughty stories about the things we did in high school that no one knows about, yet.
Of course I still date! Love LOVE going on dates with my husband! Man he's hot. That accent, those eyes, that smile and sorry to all those weird prep lovers but I love it when hes got his long locks going (hearts floating by here). It may be different in the whole anticipation of new things but I love this more. I get to be myself cause he's already heard me fart and held my hair when I'm sick not much left to hide lol. On top of that I fall deeper in love with him every year it's sickening. Dates rock so much better now than they did in high school.
And the kissing............nuff said.
I've seen some pictures of people that I went to school with some look different some I think are cheating on their pics cause they look exactly the same! I've had the opportunity to remeet some of them in person and others small chats on websites like Facebook. I never pictured most of us girls actually looking like our moms freaks me out a little bit. I never pictured so many class clowns getting down to business and having fantabulous careers. I never picture my life turning out the way it did either but I sure am grateful.
It's good to be a grown up.
Wednesday, September 1, 2010
Squared with my Hubby...for the most part
I recently sold my small little house in a quiet town in Southern Alberta, Canada. It's so beautiful there. Rolling hills and ridges. On one side prairie grasses as far as the eye can see mixed with brush and coulees and quiet streams and on the other the bold majesty of the Rocky Mountains wearing their pure snow caps high above the rolling hills like strong rulers. I miss the sweet smells of the prairie grasses and wild flowers. (far off look here)
As I was saying I recently sold my home there it took very good care of me and my two oldest children. Nice big back yard leading up to a pasture of horses. I have the opportunity to 'buy my freedom'. Freedom from credit card debt. That's a big one for all of us who have used credit cards to buy the things we can't afford, kinda like your eyes being bigger than your stomach at Thanksgiving Dinner where you eat to point of utter eruption at the seams and wish you could go back in time and take smaller portions. Most of our credit card debt was gained through the struggle of immigration. My hubby is an American citizen I met him while he was still attending school at University of Illinois at Chicago. I was making more money than he was at the time and hardly had any debt except my home and he had a small but modest savings account. We got married and between immigration and travel we aquired about 30,000 worth of credit card debt.
Some of you are gasping, holy cow did she just really say that to us and admit to us how much debt she had from all that? That's kinda personal geez I hope I don't make that mistake. The rest of you know exactly what I'm talking about cause you're there. Married to your debt with occasional flirtations of applying tax refunds to cut it a little more but alas, they know what they're doing. They knew the second you filled out the application that on my 30,000 debt they would make over 12,000 in interest cause they knew there was NO WAY that we could pay that off quickly.
If you are thinking about getting a new credit card...DON'T! STOP YOURSELVES! It's a trap and will end your freedom before you even notice that they've got you. If you HAVE to get a credit card pick one with lots of rewards and a low interest rate that you can use for your vacation and then pay off right away. If you can't afford to pay it off right away go closer to home you'd be surprised what's in your own back yard and still feels far away from home. Or better yet save money over a few years and plan your vacation well, this not only gives you time to be picky and thrifty but you might find package deals or big sales that you can come across to lighten your expense load.
I will be in the next few days, free. I smiled at my baby girl today with my burden lightened so much so that I felt like I was on air and said to her, so this is what it feels like to be free.
Remember it's just stuff. You can't take it with you, it won't impress everyone, and all it will do is clutter your home with 'things'. Save your money for memories. Vacations to see your children and grandchildren. Vacations to show your children parts of the world they might never otherwise experience on their own. College and mission funds to help them when they are leaving the nest and going out into the world. So much more important than that couch you always wanted, or that car you think you need when a used one gets you there.
I am now squared away with my husband. The guilt I felt all this time for the immigration and credit card debt we aquired just desperately trying to fly back and forth to see each other maybe 4 times a year is gone. I am free.
As I was saying I recently sold my home there it took very good care of me and my two oldest children. Nice big back yard leading up to a pasture of horses. I have the opportunity to 'buy my freedom'. Freedom from credit card debt. That's a big one for all of us who have used credit cards to buy the things we can't afford, kinda like your eyes being bigger than your stomach at Thanksgiving Dinner where you eat to point of utter eruption at the seams and wish you could go back in time and take smaller portions. Most of our credit card debt was gained through the struggle of immigration. My hubby is an American citizen I met him while he was still attending school at University of Illinois at Chicago. I was making more money than he was at the time and hardly had any debt except my home and he had a small but modest savings account. We got married and between immigration and travel we aquired about 30,000 worth of credit card debt.
Some of you are gasping, holy cow did she just really say that to us and admit to us how much debt she had from all that? That's kinda personal geez I hope I don't make that mistake. The rest of you know exactly what I'm talking about cause you're there. Married to your debt with occasional flirtations of applying tax refunds to cut it a little more but alas, they know what they're doing. They knew the second you filled out the application that on my 30,000 debt they would make over 12,000 in interest cause they knew there was NO WAY that we could pay that off quickly.
If you are thinking about getting a new credit card...DON'T! STOP YOURSELVES! It's a trap and will end your freedom before you even notice that they've got you. If you HAVE to get a credit card pick one with lots of rewards and a low interest rate that you can use for your vacation and then pay off right away. If you can't afford to pay it off right away go closer to home you'd be surprised what's in your own back yard and still feels far away from home. Or better yet save money over a few years and plan your vacation well, this not only gives you time to be picky and thrifty but you might find package deals or big sales that you can come across to lighten your expense load.
I will be in the next few days, free. I smiled at my baby girl today with my burden lightened so much so that I felt like I was on air and said to her, so this is what it feels like to be free.
Remember it's just stuff. You can't take it with you, it won't impress everyone, and all it will do is clutter your home with 'things'. Save your money for memories. Vacations to see your children and grandchildren. Vacations to show your children parts of the world they might never otherwise experience on their own. College and mission funds to help them when they are leaving the nest and going out into the world. So much more important than that couch you always wanted, or that car you think you need when a used one gets you there.
I am now squared away with my husband. The guilt I felt all this time for the immigration and credit card debt we aquired just desperately trying to fly back and forth to see each other maybe 4 times a year is gone. I am free.
Monday, August 23, 2010
Weird Discovery
So recently I've discovered something new and peculiar about myself, no not that weird mole on my arm it just got bigger is all, it's a personality trait that I have or lack depending on how you look at it. I am afraid of the Mercy/Justice line.
(Huh what's that some kind of queue in court?)
I'm too nice is what it boils down to. So weird to see myself type that let alone discover it. When people gossip about me I roll my eyes and move on. When people insult me to my face I roll my eyes and move on, which happened recently at church from someone I didn't see it coming from total blindside. When people yell at me about whatever judgement they find necessary I roll my eyes and move on. This is turning out to be trendier than bell bottoms. So my realization came from a question. When do I stop rolling my eyes and put my foot down? My aha moment if you will.
The answer? I don't. EVER. I have made a habit of letting people off the hook and never correcting them for treating me that way. Never saying that's not ok and participating in the event called Justice. In short, I am that little bug on the pavement in your driveway that is desperately avoiding being squished while all the while having the cartoon super power to pulverize your car lol. Terrbile thing to realize about yourself. Maybe I should tattoo 'Welcome' on my face.
The truth is I hate being the cause of ANYONE'S unhappiness but it has in fact always cost me my own. It's annoying too. I can't tell you how many times I've dated in the past and seen someone that I think is better suited for the guy I'm dating and tried to hook them up, WHILE I'M DATING THEM! I'm sicker than the guy on the corner staring at the old lady lingerie shop hoping for a peak of some wrinkly skin trying to squeeze into a girdle.
I have apologized for offences I have never even committed just to avoid hurting someone's feelings or to keep their friendship or to avoid some stupid confrontation that I feel already has an ending in the other party's mind anyway. What a schmuck! Not only am I justifying their incorrect assumptions but I'm showing mercy to everyone even when they are completely undeserving. I totally suck! Can't stop shaking my head at myself. So now the hard part. How do I fix this how do I change and show mercy where mercy is warranted but also demand justice? It's like asking when do I hold up my hand and tell the teacher that 2+2 does not equal 5.
Well so far I have no idea. I'm just shocked at the revelation. I'm intelligent. People say that I'm strong although sometimes I think they are looking at me through barbell glasses. I cannot believe that people have the audacity to demand respect from me when I haven't received a drop of respect from them and yet I do it. But I hate, HATE, hurting people's feelings and I know that I'm capable of making grown men cry.
Where do you learn how to balance when to be merciful and when to seek justice?
(Huh what's that some kind of queue in court?)
I'm too nice is what it boils down to. So weird to see myself type that let alone discover it. When people gossip about me I roll my eyes and move on. When people insult me to my face I roll my eyes and move on, which happened recently at church from someone I didn't see it coming from total blindside. When people yell at me about whatever judgement they find necessary I roll my eyes and move on. This is turning out to be trendier than bell bottoms. So my realization came from a question. When do I stop rolling my eyes and put my foot down? My aha moment if you will.
The answer? I don't. EVER. I have made a habit of letting people off the hook and never correcting them for treating me that way. Never saying that's not ok and participating in the event called Justice. In short, I am that little bug on the pavement in your driveway that is desperately avoiding being squished while all the while having the cartoon super power to pulverize your car lol. Terrbile thing to realize about yourself. Maybe I should tattoo 'Welcome' on my face.
The truth is I hate being the cause of ANYONE'S unhappiness but it has in fact always cost me my own. It's annoying too. I can't tell you how many times I've dated in the past and seen someone that I think is better suited for the guy I'm dating and tried to hook them up, WHILE I'M DATING THEM! I'm sicker than the guy on the corner staring at the old lady lingerie shop hoping for a peak of some wrinkly skin trying to squeeze into a girdle.
I have apologized for offences I have never even committed just to avoid hurting someone's feelings or to keep their friendship or to avoid some stupid confrontation that I feel already has an ending in the other party's mind anyway. What a schmuck! Not only am I justifying their incorrect assumptions but I'm showing mercy to everyone even when they are completely undeserving. I totally suck! Can't stop shaking my head at myself. So now the hard part. How do I fix this how do I change and show mercy where mercy is warranted but also demand justice? It's like asking when do I hold up my hand and tell the teacher that 2+2 does not equal 5.
Well so far I have no idea. I'm just shocked at the revelation. I'm intelligent. People say that I'm strong although sometimes I think they are looking at me through barbell glasses. I cannot believe that people have the audacity to demand respect from me when I haven't received a drop of respect from them and yet I do it. But I hate, HATE, hurting people's feelings and I know that I'm capable of making grown men cry.
Where do you learn how to balance when to be merciful and when to seek justice?
Wednesday, August 11, 2010
Just Visiting
My husband and I started having a conversation last night that led to this blog. Whatever happened to visiting with each other when we have a spare hour or so? Why are we filling it with meaningless frivel of television and computers or baking just to eat the cookies out of boredom?
I truly miss my friends back home in Alberta. We actually made the effort almost every Saturday to hang out for an afternoon or evening. It was fun and relaxing. Being our silly weird selves I of course will NEVER repeat the conversations we had (they are all laughing in memory now reading this) but the point was that we tried. We made real effort to stay in touch and be friends and stay friends.
I think sometimes in this world it's very easy to meet people that you like and would love to get to know but the gumption and courage to actually do something about it is lost. To my friends back home I certainly hope that you are not in this chicken legs category of simple aquaintances that can never be friends due to your arms length approach.
When I was growing up we had a firepit in the back yard part of my houses appeal when I became an adult and bought a house of my own was to build a fire pit in the back yard. In my childhood our family was host to several people who just stopped by for a visit. It was wonderful especially if they had kids to play with. We hosted many a bon fire party in our backyard where the whole street and neighborhood would come over bringing their new recipes to try and new stories of catching the biggest fish they ever saw. I miss it terribly and since my blog about recreating our own memories so that our children can have some of their own I guess I'm responsible for getting a fire pit in my yard which now I can just buy at Lowes and put away in the garage when I'm not using it although if I lived outside the city you better believe I'd have a shovel in my hand and bricks in a pile beside me. Wasn't always the bonfire though like I was saying sometimes people would just stop by, have something to drink, talk to my mom, we played with the kids in the backyard or basement depending on the weather.
I think it's time to get back to basics. I miss friends calling me up on a moments notice and stopping by. Hardly anyone has done that since the baby was born, either because they think I'm a mangled wretch who isn't sleeping(she sleeps through the night just fine) or they think they are imposing or that it's somehow awkward to invite themselves over. Trust me to all who read this I never take that as a sign of being impolite. Invite yourselves over any time. Here's the hard part that no one wants to hear and several of you will criticize me for but I really mean it! SLOW DOOOOWWWWWNNNNNN! America has this thing about always being first and the best like the entire world is a competition and to an extent in some markets that's true but hasty products usually fall flat anyways we want quality something that lasts so if they slowed down I wouldn't mind a bit. We need to be able to feel like we can breathe. The worst part, we are responsible for that breath entirely. You and you alone choose when to slow down how to slow down how long to slow for etc. Can't keep blaming everyone around you when you have a mouth that can form the word no just like everyone else. Afraid to disappoint other people? Don't be your health and well being is more important to people who really honestly care about you and they'll be fine with it if they aren't fine with it question the honesty of your friendship with them.
I'm pretty easy when it comes to people slowing down taking time and dropping by all I ask is for a phone call. If my hair is messy and I still have pjs on it's nice to pretend that I was ready the whole time lol. Although on some days I might not really care that my hair is messy I have raccoon eyes or that I'm still wearing Mickey Mouse and my friends will love me anyway.
I really want to go back to visiting which means I need to start inviting myself over for a visit too and now that the kids are going back to school look out, you may be on my list!
I truly miss my friends back home in Alberta. We actually made the effort almost every Saturday to hang out for an afternoon or evening. It was fun and relaxing. Being our silly weird selves I of course will NEVER repeat the conversations we had (they are all laughing in memory now reading this) but the point was that we tried. We made real effort to stay in touch and be friends and stay friends.
I think sometimes in this world it's very easy to meet people that you like and would love to get to know but the gumption and courage to actually do something about it is lost. To my friends back home I certainly hope that you are not in this chicken legs category of simple aquaintances that can never be friends due to your arms length approach.
When I was growing up we had a firepit in the back yard part of my houses appeal when I became an adult and bought a house of my own was to build a fire pit in the back yard. In my childhood our family was host to several people who just stopped by for a visit. It was wonderful especially if they had kids to play with. We hosted many a bon fire party in our backyard where the whole street and neighborhood would come over bringing their new recipes to try and new stories of catching the biggest fish they ever saw. I miss it terribly and since my blog about recreating our own memories so that our children can have some of their own I guess I'm responsible for getting a fire pit in my yard which now I can just buy at Lowes and put away in the garage when I'm not using it although if I lived outside the city you better believe I'd have a shovel in my hand and bricks in a pile beside me. Wasn't always the bonfire though like I was saying sometimes people would just stop by, have something to drink, talk to my mom, we played with the kids in the backyard or basement depending on the weather.
I think it's time to get back to basics. I miss friends calling me up on a moments notice and stopping by. Hardly anyone has done that since the baby was born, either because they think I'm a mangled wretch who isn't sleeping(she sleeps through the night just fine) or they think they are imposing or that it's somehow awkward to invite themselves over. Trust me to all who read this I never take that as a sign of being impolite. Invite yourselves over any time. Here's the hard part that no one wants to hear and several of you will criticize me for but I really mean it! SLOW DOOOOWWWWWNNNNNN! America has this thing about always being first and the best like the entire world is a competition and to an extent in some markets that's true but hasty products usually fall flat anyways we want quality something that lasts so if they slowed down I wouldn't mind a bit. We need to be able to feel like we can breathe. The worst part, we are responsible for that breath entirely. You and you alone choose when to slow down how to slow down how long to slow for etc. Can't keep blaming everyone around you when you have a mouth that can form the word no just like everyone else. Afraid to disappoint other people? Don't be your health and well being is more important to people who really honestly care about you and they'll be fine with it if they aren't fine with it question the honesty of your friendship with them.
I'm pretty easy when it comes to people slowing down taking time and dropping by all I ask is for a phone call. If my hair is messy and I still have pjs on it's nice to pretend that I was ready the whole time lol. Although on some days I might not really care that my hair is messy I have raccoon eyes or that I'm still wearing Mickey Mouse and my friends will love me anyway.
I really want to go back to visiting which means I need to start inviting myself over for a visit too and now that the kids are going back to school look out, you may be on my list!
Thursday, August 5, 2010
What time is it?
It has been approximately 14 months since I have been alone to myself and healthy. I say healthy because at the beginning of pregnancy (which for me is almost half) I feel like a child who just ate a worm and chewed into it for the first time see what it really tastes like. Nauseated, tired, I pretty much lived on water for the first half of my pregnancy and forced the occasional piece of toast or cracker.
Anywho, it occures to me last week that I deserve to go out and not with my kids or my husband just out. My husband of course observes that I haven't spent any time with my friends like I should be in the last year either and maybe I should have a "girls night out". As long as it's a movie or dessert for a couple of hours was my reply. Anything relaxing and almost mindless is what I need right now. Just imagine sitting in the middle of a big white bubble in the middle of space and floating around. Now that would be ideal for me right now. But mindless movies and sugary treats are a nice 2nd. ( Actually a nice second would be an hour long massage but I don't have friends that I'm that close to here yet lol)
After much debate with several individuals I opt not to see any drama, I already feel like Kathy Hepburn from Golden Pond most days, and decided on an action comedy which is the perfect mixture of my two favorite Genres. Even though I am excited to spend time with an old friend that I hardly get to see or spend time with I am comfortable enough and secure enough to see any movie alone just fine.
Lots of you out there are cringing right now at that statement or even thinking of names to call me (loser) or feel sorry for me. Don't. I discovered when I really thought of going alone that it didn't scare me AT ALL. I was delighted to realize that I am secure enough in who I am and the relationships that I have with friends and family not to care about the strange woman with her 6" heels and soft blonde hair staring at chubby poofy dry haired me with her makeup all arranged in model perfection vs my dark circles under my eyes due to the thunderstorm that kept waking me up last night. I'm totally fine with it.
That leads me to a question. Are all of you secure enough in yourselves to go out alone. Alone alone. Out to a restaurant for a full on meal or the movies or dancing or whatever you like to do. I challenge you to do so. Who said you have to care so much about what other people think? They aren't you, they don't know you, judgement is futile, pointless, a waste of time. I think that will be the BIGGEST regret that some of us have at the end of our lives, all the things we wanted to do and didn't out of some illogical fear that everyone is staring at you. Trust me, they are all so focused on themselves these days they didn't even see you walk in the door. Get out there and live your life! What time is it I have to go?
Anywho, it occures to me last week that I deserve to go out and not with my kids or my husband just out. My husband of course observes that I haven't spent any time with my friends like I should be in the last year either and maybe I should have a "girls night out". As long as it's a movie or dessert for a couple of hours was my reply. Anything relaxing and almost mindless is what I need right now. Just imagine sitting in the middle of a big white bubble in the middle of space and floating around. Now that would be ideal for me right now. But mindless movies and sugary treats are a nice 2nd. ( Actually a nice second would be an hour long massage but I don't have friends that I'm that close to here yet lol)
After much debate with several individuals I opt not to see any drama, I already feel like Kathy Hepburn from Golden Pond most days, and decided on an action comedy which is the perfect mixture of my two favorite Genres. Even though I am excited to spend time with an old friend that I hardly get to see or spend time with I am comfortable enough and secure enough to see any movie alone just fine.
Lots of you out there are cringing right now at that statement or even thinking of names to call me (loser) or feel sorry for me. Don't. I discovered when I really thought of going alone that it didn't scare me AT ALL. I was delighted to realize that I am secure enough in who I am and the relationships that I have with friends and family not to care about the strange woman with her 6" heels and soft blonde hair staring at chubby poofy dry haired me with her makeup all arranged in model perfection vs my dark circles under my eyes due to the thunderstorm that kept waking me up last night. I'm totally fine with it.
That leads me to a question. Are all of you secure enough in yourselves to go out alone. Alone alone. Out to a restaurant for a full on meal or the movies or dancing or whatever you like to do. I challenge you to do so. Who said you have to care so much about what other people think? They aren't you, they don't know you, judgement is futile, pointless, a waste of time. I think that will be the BIGGEST regret that some of us have at the end of our lives, all the things we wanted to do and didn't out of some illogical fear that everyone is staring at you. Trust me, they are all so focused on themselves these days they didn't even see you walk in the door. Get out there and live your life! What time is it I have to go?
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)