'Control Freak'

I can totally admit to being a reformed control freak!  When I was a single mother of two small children I was always on the offensive.  Attack problems immediately and with great force so as to not have to 'deal with it later' or feel as though I'm being controlled in a world I am powerless in. Big mistaaaaaake.  As a result I found myself not trusting anyone else's judgement in regards to my child's safety or well being at all.  I hardly left a babysitter in charge because they were just going to ignore my kids and talk on the phone the whole time, unfortunately that did happen once broken glass all over my children's room from breaking Christmas lights they got into and they were starving so not cool.  As for relationships, I would never walk in whole heartedly even if I knew them well.  Always keeping one foot in the door to escape.  Like I said, big mistake!

Here's where some of you having read the first paragraph wonder what's wrong with that I'm just protecting myself and my kids.  Are you?  Or are you simply projecting all of your fears from previous experiences onto your children?  Are you really saying I'm just protecting my kids from what happened to me happening to them?  Hard letting go.  Very hard.  However hard, it's also vital.  You must let go of it, work through it out loud with those you trust who will listen without criticism, judgement, or even advice.  You need a backboard to get this out of you so you can see what others around you who love you see.  However big or small the problem is at the time.

It's a scary thought to take all the things that may have happened to you and project them onto your children.  Those things may never come close to happening to them.  When things do happen to them do you have a tendency to immediately draw from your own bad memories assuming it's the same for them?  Please don't do that.  They aren't you and see the world differently, as an individual.  Depending on the age shouldn't we allow our children to solve their issues for themselves?  We should be there to guide it and it's completely okay to have expectations on the table so they are aware of what you know about the situation and how you would prefer they handle it.  Nothing wrong with spitting ideas in an approach of well maybe you could try this.  Thin line between spitting ideas with expectations on the table and doing it for them.

Over the years, having remarried to an oh so patient husband, it's been easy to let it go.  Took work though lots of issues from my own past I had to work through.  I took one step at a time and did what I could and when I caught myself being a control freak or overbearing about a situation I would pull back and bite my tongue.  I had such a sore swollen tongue!  Felt like I would never be able to breathe again I held on so tightly.  Really tightly, it's a wonder they didn't suffocate lol.  But I am capable of change so I did.

The most impressive thought that ever pops into my head when I relive old haunts is very simple.  You turned out okay.  I'm still alive, I had hardships, I learned how to get a better read on people and I'm definitely not afraid to walk away.  Makes me sad sometimes but occasionally it's simply the best option for all involved.  I have learned to allow my brain to mull over it a few times decide if anything could have been done differently, make a note to be careful of anything I noticed that I would and then I let it go, I walk away from it, I move forward and keep my eyes in front of me.  Good heavens can you imagine what would happen to you if you didn't?  You'd always be angry.  You'd always be offended.  You would always be hurt and feel stuck and resentful.  That's not life, that's a slow way to torture yourself before you die.

I believe that love and patience are beautiful gifts, abilities and tools.  Not every situation will turn out like you had hoped but don't underestimate the power of example.  Your example to your families is important to their daily lives and they need to see that when you fall you are not afraid to get back up again and carry on with dignity.  They need to know that you trust them to make decisions and that you are in control of yours.  Not in an abrasive way, in a loving, kind and peaceful nature.  When they see you take on life's challenges in a smart way, so will they.  Then as they get older confrontations will be easier for them.  Easy for them to forgive and move on to the next thing in life.  Easy for them to see their burdens in life as a simple challenge or puzzle that they have to figure out and learn from so that they can become strong.

Life cannot be controlled but it can be guided.  You can master your own life but not the lives of others. The world is getting tougher on us all.  Strengthen your families the best you can and prepare them through education and positive influence.  Take a deep breath when you feel overwhelmed and start again tomorrow.    You can do this.  You got this.