They say with hypothyroidism you get certain symptoms. Fatigue, lack of appetite, feeling sluggish, coarse hair, depression, muscle aches and swelling. I totally knew what I was getting into I researched it to death when they told me I had hyperthyroidism and needed to slow down my thyroid causing me to head in the opposite direction.
The weight gain was imminent and impossible to stop regardless of how many salads I ate or how much I spent time on my treadmill or playing sports with my family. As a result of the radioactive iodine therapy I lost about 70% of my hair leaving the back of my head in particular with a gaping hole that I had to use longer strands to comb over and wore my hair up a lot as a result. Lots of fatigue and cloudy thinking and memory.
I have started growing my hair back and it's thickening. I finally went to the hair dresser for the first time in a year, didn't want anyone to touch my hair it was so fragile, and took the time to not only listen to me about what was going on with me and my hair but to carefully discuss how to fix it and cutting it a certain way to hide the thinning in the back. She's wonderful. My hair feels awesome. The shortest it's been in years but it looks so much better now that I have it styled so I can wear it down. She even put notes on the computer so if I ever come back and she's not there the hairdressers will know what I'm going through and to be careful with my hair. Seems dumb to some people but when people are gently and careful with my I am so appreciative. It actually got to the point about 4-5 months ago when I was balling from the loss of my hair and my prayers went something like..'I know I have hair still and it could be worse but I am a girl and as girlie as this sounds Heavenly Father and I know I'm not usually I need my hair'. Prayers answered it started thickening after that. I'll take it!
Loss of appetite comes and goes weight now that my medication is finally sorted out is slowly going back down, thank heavens. I am starting to feel like a ball more than a person. Muscles aches is a new one for me. Some of them are mild but some are down right painful. I can either live on pain meds, which I hate to take unless I have to I've always been that way, or I can endure it. So far I've been enduring but let me tell you, it isn't that easy. I get woken up about 3-4 times a night from some pain or other and that makes it hard to get any deep sleep which plays right into the fatigue that I already have now doesn't it. I can see it now, 'Here lies the walking zombie of a wife and mother we're not really sure if she's gone or not'. But I cope and I do my very best whatever I can muster, taking one day at a time.
I think though, and this is the very personal part, that I might be sadder than I usually am. So far it's so easy to pick myself back up or be picked back up so that's good. But still, I can't not look at all the crap happening around me now and not feel more sympathy for it. Sounds like a good thing but I don't think so. I had a nice balance where I cared but I accepted that everyone makes their own choices and some things just plain happen lately it's more like protective in a way. That poor child or that poor family etc.
I've also started analyzing my own family, eek!, which is never a good thing to do because you are likely not only to compare everyone to yourself but to judge how you did things vs how they do things. I don't want that kind of arrogance everyone is different. But still. There it is in my mind swimming around all the time. That is on the days that I can think straight. To be honest with you the cloudy mind thing I kind of like. Makes it easier to forget the things I need to. And there are plenty of people around me to remind me of the things I do.
I really hope that this heavy heart will improve with time. I am trying to do small things that make me happy for myself but let's face it, it's nice when your family and friends do nice things for you too. Here's to coping and keeping up the fight for a better life. Cheers!
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