My two eldest, Brittany 16 and Dyllan 14 are headed to high school, Dyllan for the first time. They were informed last year that they were in pre AP classes and had assignments that needed to be finished the first day of school. My advice was that although it's summer they should set aside at least one hour a day until their projects were completed so they wouldn't feel rushed or leave it to the last minute. I also reminded them of this advice for the last two months. As a Mom it is hard to let it go. When you know they need to work on something but you also know they need to be responsible for it at this age, not you, and they need to accept the consequences of their choices good or bad. I cringe when I think about the things I know they need to do and put off or don't. But then I remind myself it's their life, let them handle it. I have offered to help out, words of encouragement and believe me with some subjects words of encouragement are lost because of their lack of confidence in themselves. Very teenager of them. I remember that feeling, I'm not sure it ever leaves lol.
I'm always so excited to see what my kids do next with their lives. How they adjust to new things, watching them discover new ideas and ways of choosing what comes next. It's awesome! Brittany has always been fearless when it comes to new things. She either wants to do it or she doesn't, she either agrees with you or not, I like that there is little to no grey area with her. Blunt, honest, to the point, you always know where you stand with her. Although she works hard on biting her tongue a lot too so as to not have to argue when she doesn't see the point in it or doesn't want to make someone cry lol that one's my favorite. Dyllan is always so skeptical about everything, reminds me of his Dad Nate completely and totally. Even when he gets all of the information that he needs to make an informed decision, sometimes it takes a loooooooot of encouraging and reassuring to get him to move his feet forward and get there. But once he does, it's like a firework all lit up brilliant in color and life! That's my favorite. Catie is four so everything is new and a wonder to her I just love observing her and watching her reactions to basically everything. Even if she gets mad she's adorable. She's just so dang smart for her age! You have to have an argument with her sometime. She'll find a way to use your logic against you and convince you that she's right. She's four! We are in for a world of trouble with this one I'm sure, but still, I'm excited to see what she does next. Watching her argue her way out of just about anything or being a chatterbox to everyone about everything is my favorite.
Life is grand, albeit hard and complicated. So many of us always in a rush to do as much as possible is as little amount of time. It's nice to slow down, enjoy the atmosphere, smile, take your time make important choices when you can. It's better to remember to experience it , take it in, than to rush through and just be present what a waste. Summer reminds us to stop and look around. Smell the roses, visit the beach and listen to the waves, take family vacations singing loudly in a crowded vehicle driving 2000 miles to your destination. Those moments are when I get to know my family best. How they've grown, how they've changed. Even just the silent cuddles on a porch swing or a weeny roast in the backyard, catching fireflies, listening to frogs sing. It's nice. We will have to work on making these things an every day occurrence as often as possible.
I look forward to a new school year. Forward to the chaos and the challenges, hopefully we overcome them in good standing, frustration and all. But, as Ferris Bueller says, "Life moves pretty fast, if you stop and look around once in a while, you could miss it."
Wednesday, August 6, 2014
Monday, July 21, 2014
Redemption
Mistakes are so flipping easy to make. I hate that. I hate the feeling when you know you've made a mistake and sometimes you cannot redeem yourself from it no matter how hard you try. Not necessarily because you haven't made the effort but occasionally because the receiving end of the apology or restitution that you offer isn't having it. It can make you feel judged and criticized. I'm not talking giant mistakes here either, I may have had one speeding ticket my entire life, I'm talking about things that are seemingly harmless or that you are trying to be careful with. The truth can be tricky when no one wants to face it and sometimes the delivery is impossible when you feel compelled to be honest no matter what.
For a while now I've had this weird thing going on with me that makes no sense at all and yet there it is. Every time I speak in public I feel stupid or I want to start over or retract entire sentences that I feel I might not have explained right or at all. It's a ridiculous problem. It's worse when I share things of great merit to myself that are personal or sacred things. Incidents, memories or ideas that mean a lot to me and are dear to my heart. I'm always afraid that someone will demean it with the way this society treats each other. Cheapen the experience and magnitude of knowledge I may have gained. Not that I have heard every rumor, or rude snicker, or unfounded judgement behind my back, but I know they happen. I guess I just don't understand the point. What good can come from that? What purpose does it serve? What wonderful and interesting gain can you even achieve from it?
I have been taught not to be so easily offended and on the other foot not to be afraid of offending others. Sounds confusing right? Sometimes it is! But over the years, through life experiences I've kind of learned a balance. Not that it's an easy one I assure you. I've learned that being offended by every stranger, so called friends, or even family member that knows little to nothing about me is worthless. They haven't been there for every light and dark hour in my life and unless they take a consistent period of time to get to know me by asking questions, listening to stories and memories or following any of my interests their opinion doesn't carry much weight. By the same token, when it's true, it's true no matter what I do about it and me saying it outloud ( hopefully in the appropriate places) won't change that. Being offended by fact is also worthless. Fact is something that is occurring or has occurred. No amount of side stepping, lying or looking the other way can change it. I find it better, for me, to simply face it and address it as I go.
Regardless of all these wonderful lessons and assuring experiences and words of encouragement from close family and friends I definitely struggle. Example of trying not to be offended but afraid to offend. Our family had the opportunity to visit the St Louis Science Center. It's a wonderful facility and once we entered it and took a look around it was like being a child in a land of wonder! I was excited, hopefully the kids were too, at all the possibilities. But as time wore on I noted a serious problem. The children on school trips or with groups were a little rowdy and you could see these caregivers struggle but there was a lot of effort involved and I applaud them for that. But there was a large portion of children running around the facility doing whatever they wanted. Pushing us out the way of exhibits we were exploring without an excuse me, without patience, without parents!! I found several parents on phones, tablets, etc on benches, along walls with absolutely no regard to their children's behavior or safety. I didn't just glance once or twice it was the entire time we were there throughout the entire facility and I literally sat on a bench when one became available and watched all of this unravel. Doesn't make me angry, makes me disappointed. But did I say anything? No. I should have found a manager and told them they had about fifteen to twenty kids without parents anywhere around them doing whatever they wanted, pushing people out of the way including other small children. I regret that I didn't but I know that after a couple of hours of it we were exhausted and frustrated enough to leave. I believe in teaching my children the kind of adults they need to be. Manners are a sign of respect to others around you. Not just strangers. They also show an intelligent nature and respect for themselves. Worth teaching and enforcing I promise you.
As you can see by the previous example I am still learning this balance. I try to be careful what I do and say around others but I'm trying to figure out how patient I should be. Where is that line I can't find where I don't feel so uncomfortable? How do I manage to magnify my inner strength and keep going when everything around me seems to be falling apart? Prayer helps. Faith helps. But I'm still human. Sometimes I need to see the example in front of me to feel more confident in moving forward. More confidence in myself. I'm no pushover and not easily convinced but I'm also open to ideas and suggestions. I've heard the whole live your life and let others live theirs but their choices affect my life.
Make no mistake that I will tolerate a lot from the world but that doesn't always mean I agree with you. Sometimes I'm watching carefully waiting until you push a button I cannot allow and am forced to push back as hard as I possibly can. Hopefully I will figure all this out and redeem the mistakes I can while I'm sure creating new ones lol.
For a while now I've had this weird thing going on with me that makes no sense at all and yet there it is. Every time I speak in public I feel stupid or I want to start over or retract entire sentences that I feel I might not have explained right or at all. It's a ridiculous problem. It's worse when I share things of great merit to myself that are personal or sacred things. Incidents, memories or ideas that mean a lot to me and are dear to my heart. I'm always afraid that someone will demean it with the way this society treats each other. Cheapen the experience and magnitude of knowledge I may have gained. Not that I have heard every rumor, or rude snicker, or unfounded judgement behind my back, but I know they happen. I guess I just don't understand the point. What good can come from that? What purpose does it serve? What wonderful and interesting gain can you even achieve from it?
I have been taught not to be so easily offended and on the other foot not to be afraid of offending others. Sounds confusing right? Sometimes it is! But over the years, through life experiences I've kind of learned a balance. Not that it's an easy one I assure you. I've learned that being offended by every stranger, so called friends, or even family member that knows little to nothing about me is worthless. They haven't been there for every light and dark hour in my life and unless they take a consistent period of time to get to know me by asking questions, listening to stories and memories or following any of my interests their opinion doesn't carry much weight. By the same token, when it's true, it's true no matter what I do about it and me saying it outloud ( hopefully in the appropriate places) won't change that. Being offended by fact is also worthless. Fact is something that is occurring or has occurred. No amount of side stepping, lying or looking the other way can change it. I find it better, for me, to simply face it and address it as I go.
Regardless of all these wonderful lessons and assuring experiences and words of encouragement from close family and friends I definitely struggle. Example of trying not to be offended but afraid to offend. Our family had the opportunity to visit the St Louis Science Center. It's a wonderful facility and once we entered it and took a look around it was like being a child in a land of wonder! I was excited, hopefully the kids were too, at all the possibilities. But as time wore on I noted a serious problem. The children on school trips or with groups were a little rowdy and you could see these caregivers struggle but there was a lot of effort involved and I applaud them for that. But there was a large portion of children running around the facility doing whatever they wanted. Pushing us out the way of exhibits we were exploring without an excuse me, without patience, without parents!! I found several parents on phones, tablets, etc on benches, along walls with absolutely no regard to their children's behavior or safety. I didn't just glance once or twice it was the entire time we were there throughout the entire facility and I literally sat on a bench when one became available and watched all of this unravel. Doesn't make me angry, makes me disappointed. But did I say anything? No. I should have found a manager and told them they had about fifteen to twenty kids without parents anywhere around them doing whatever they wanted, pushing people out of the way including other small children. I regret that I didn't but I know that after a couple of hours of it we were exhausted and frustrated enough to leave. I believe in teaching my children the kind of adults they need to be. Manners are a sign of respect to others around you. Not just strangers. They also show an intelligent nature and respect for themselves. Worth teaching and enforcing I promise you.
As you can see by the previous example I am still learning this balance. I try to be careful what I do and say around others but I'm trying to figure out how patient I should be. Where is that line I can't find where I don't feel so uncomfortable? How do I manage to magnify my inner strength and keep going when everything around me seems to be falling apart? Prayer helps. Faith helps. But I'm still human. Sometimes I need to see the example in front of me to feel more confident in moving forward. More confidence in myself. I'm no pushover and not easily convinced but I'm also open to ideas and suggestions. I've heard the whole live your life and let others live theirs but their choices affect my life.
Make no mistake that I will tolerate a lot from the world but that doesn't always mean I agree with you. Sometimes I'm watching carefully waiting until you push a button I cannot allow and am forced to push back as hard as I possibly can. Hopefully I will figure all this out and redeem the mistakes I can while I'm sure creating new ones lol.
Friday, June 13, 2014
Woman and Man
My whole life I have seen different types of women. Ones that loved be homemakers fullfilling their dreams as wives and mothers. Ones that loved being at home but it wasn't enough so they became creative and discovered their own businesses from home and it keeps them very busy but they still get to stay at home with their children. I have seen women who choose many different career paths and manage to balance these busy careers and have their families as well. I have seen women who have no interest in marriage or family and choose to put all they have into friends, pets, and their employment. Every woman feels her best in different ways. It would take years to describe them all.
I believe that woman are equal to men and just as we expect men to respect us we also in turn need to respect them. How do you think society is doing on that front? Do you think they respect us women as a whole? Do you think we have earned that respect or do we simply demand it because we were born female? Like we are entitled to anything we want without hard work.
I found an interesting 'writing' from Jill Jackson out of Beverly Hills that I want to share with all of you, the title is "Open Letter to Man."
"I am a woman.
"I am your wife, your sweetheart, your mother, your sister- your friend.
"I need your help!
"I was created to give the world Gentleness, Understanding, Serenity, Beauty, and Love.
"I am finding it increasingly difficult to fulfill my purpose.
"Many people in advertising, motion pictures, television, and radio have ignored my inward qualities and have
repeatedly used me only as a symbol of sex.
"This humiliates me, it destroys my dignity, it prevents me from being what you want me to be-an example of
Beauty, Inspiration, and Love: love for my children, love for my husband, love of my God and country.
"I need your help to restore me to my true position- and to allow me to fulfill the Purpose for which I was
Created.
"Oh, man, I know that you will find the way."
Very powerful words full of truth. I know for myself, the reason I'm afraid to trust a man or follow his lead when he takes my hand to guide us through this life together, is completely hindered because of men that abused me. Took advantage of my sweet nature as a young girl. Forced me into shame and anger because they saw women as something to dominate and control instead of love and nuture and protect.
To all the men out there who fight for their wives, daughters, sisters, mothers, grandmothers, aunts and friends to be loved and seen as beautiful angelic creations I salute you and praise you. To all the young men and men out there who open the door for women or carry her bags for her any time you get to chance and show your respect and admiration, to you , dears sirs, I express my love and gratitude. You are beacons of light in a dying world. Cherished and supported among women and other men of your great stature. You are amazing creatures who I know will pass on these attributes to your sons and them their sons in a continuous manner and it is you who will change the world.
On this Father's Day, I want to thank my husband for the great man that he is. He is strong, smart, caring, kind, respectful, inspirational and loving. I adore him. My protector, my sweetheart, father of my children, my love. Thankyou, for being such a wonderful husband and father. I am grateful to God everyday for you.
I believe that woman are equal to men and just as we expect men to respect us we also in turn need to respect them. How do you think society is doing on that front? Do you think they respect us women as a whole? Do you think we have earned that respect or do we simply demand it because we were born female? Like we are entitled to anything we want without hard work.
I found an interesting 'writing' from Jill Jackson out of Beverly Hills that I want to share with all of you, the title is "Open Letter to Man."
"I am a woman.
"I am your wife, your sweetheart, your mother, your sister- your friend.
"I need your help!
"I was created to give the world Gentleness, Understanding, Serenity, Beauty, and Love.
"I am finding it increasingly difficult to fulfill my purpose.
"Many people in advertising, motion pictures, television, and radio have ignored my inward qualities and have
repeatedly used me only as a symbol of sex.
"This humiliates me, it destroys my dignity, it prevents me from being what you want me to be-an example of
Beauty, Inspiration, and Love: love for my children, love for my husband, love of my God and country.
"I need your help to restore me to my true position- and to allow me to fulfill the Purpose for which I was
Created.
"Oh, man, I know that you will find the way."
Very powerful words full of truth. I know for myself, the reason I'm afraid to trust a man or follow his lead when he takes my hand to guide us through this life together, is completely hindered because of men that abused me. Took advantage of my sweet nature as a young girl. Forced me into shame and anger because they saw women as something to dominate and control instead of love and nuture and protect.
To all the men out there who fight for their wives, daughters, sisters, mothers, grandmothers, aunts and friends to be loved and seen as beautiful angelic creations I salute you and praise you. To all the young men and men out there who open the door for women or carry her bags for her any time you get to chance and show your respect and admiration, to you , dears sirs, I express my love and gratitude. You are beacons of light in a dying world. Cherished and supported among women and other men of your great stature. You are amazing creatures who I know will pass on these attributes to your sons and them their sons in a continuous manner and it is you who will change the world.
On this Father's Day, I want to thank my husband for the great man that he is. He is strong, smart, caring, kind, respectful, inspirational and loving. I adore him. My protector, my sweetheart, father of my children, my love. Thankyou, for being such a wonderful husband and father. I am grateful to God everyday for you.
Tuesday, June 10, 2014
Now That's Progress
I dread my endocrinologist appointments. I put them off rescheduling. I even go to the dentist more readily. My recent appointment despite my cringing had good news. My glucose was normal, my tsh was normal and my cholesterol all normal and healthy. I thought I was hallucinating. As most of you know I have been struggling with health issues since becoming hypothyroid and losing weight is almost impossible when you have no thyroid to rely on. Not to mention keeping it off but despite everything against me I am finally and extremely slowly moving in the right direction.
I am still incredibly frustrated on that front but the fact that I'm getting healthier is what I'm choosing to focus on. I have been struggling with pain and health for over 3 years now and it's nice to have it all under control and be able to handle every day things like a normal wife and mother can. It's been an extraordinary climb to get here and this is only the beginning. I have a lifetime of uphill to conquer with no plateau in sight ( except for my weight grrrrr).
I am so thankful. I know we don't always get the blessings we want when we want them. But He does listen to our prayers and He does give us what we need when we need it despite our grumbles and disagreements. I am learning to increase my faith, to have more trust in the Lord. Just when you think you got this, you realize there is so much more growing for you to do. He stretches us and challenges us to gain strength and knowledge through experiences. It all makes us stronger if we allow it to.
Having free agency is tough sometimes. The freedom to make a lot of mistakes and a lot of good choices mingled together throughout our lives. Hopefully we do what is best for ourselves and our families in the long run. Hopefully we aren't afraid to change course when the Lord makes it blatantly obvious that how we're doing things might not be in our best interest or in the interest of our children. That there is always a better way. His way. The trick is finding the path He has laid out for you knowing it's what's best for you and doing your best to stick to it no matter what.
It can be the slightest inch, the slightest comment, that will throw us off the path. We can choose to be easily offended by a comment from another that really shouldn't have been able to shake us in the first place. Sometimes we are offended because the comment is true and it's something about ourselves that we really struggle with inwardly and know we need to work on but brush aside.
We can fall off our path by our ill choices, becoming selfish with time wanting what we want when we want it without patience or care to how others might react or the consequences that will affect everyone around us. Granted you shouldn't always care what other people think but you do have to live in this world and get along with society best you can. I don't always agree with what societies views are, to be honest I see a slippery slope of do what makes you feel good instead of do the right thing, but I still have to be able to get along with them. When we make choice we don't get to choose the reaction or consequence but we do have to face them. If you make good and honest choices you will receive good consequences it's that simple.
If you have wandered because of offence or guilt or whatever the cause, please come back to Him who created you. He's waiting for you. He loves you. He desires to help you succeed in righteous desires. There's freedom in His way versus our own. If you haven't in a while, talk to Him. Tell the Lord how you feel about yourself, your life, and Him. Don't be shy but be honest and reverent. He'll listen. Be patient the answers always come. I know He listens. I know He lives. I know He loves us and wishes us well. If it is good, seek after it.
I am still incredibly frustrated on that front but the fact that I'm getting healthier is what I'm choosing to focus on. I have been struggling with pain and health for over 3 years now and it's nice to have it all under control and be able to handle every day things like a normal wife and mother can. It's been an extraordinary climb to get here and this is only the beginning. I have a lifetime of uphill to conquer with no plateau in sight ( except for my weight grrrrr).
I am so thankful. I know we don't always get the blessings we want when we want them. But He does listen to our prayers and He does give us what we need when we need it despite our grumbles and disagreements. I am learning to increase my faith, to have more trust in the Lord. Just when you think you got this, you realize there is so much more growing for you to do. He stretches us and challenges us to gain strength and knowledge through experiences. It all makes us stronger if we allow it to.
Having free agency is tough sometimes. The freedom to make a lot of mistakes and a lot of good choices mingled together throughout our lives. Hopefully we do what is best for ourselves and our families in the long run. Hopefully we aren't afraid to change course when the Lord makes it blatantly obvious that how we're doing things might not be in our best interest or in the interest of our children. That there is always a better way. His way. The trick is finding the path He has laid out for you knowing it's what's best for you and doing your best to stick to it no matter what.
It can be the slightest inch, the slightest comment, that will throw us off the path. We can choose to be easily offended by a comment from another that really shouldn't have been able to shake us in the first place. Sometimes we are offended because the comment is true and it's something about ourselves that we really struggle with inwardly and know we need to work on but brush aside.
We can fall off our path by our ill choices, becoming selfish with time wanting what we want when we want it without patience or care to how others might react or the consequences that will affect everyone around us. Granted you shouldn't always care what other people think but you do have to live in this world and get along with society best you can. I don't always agree with what societies views are, to be honest I see a slippery slope of do what makes you feel good instead of do the right thing, but I still have to be able to get along with them. When we make choice we don't get to choose the reaction or consequence but we do have to face them. If you make good and honest choices you will receive good consequences it's that simple.
If you have wandered because of offence or guilt or whatever the cause, please come back to Him who created you. He's waiting for you. He loves you. He desires to help you succeed in righteous desires. There's freedom in His way versus our own. If you haven't in a while, talk to Him. Tell the Lord how you feel about yourself, your life, and Him. Don't be shy but be honest and reverent. He'll listen. Be patient the answers always come. I know He listens. I know He lives. I know He loves us and wishes us well. If it is good, seek after it.
Tuesday, June 3, 2014
Plug your Ears
Remember when you were a kid and Mom would say no to that sleepover or fudge pop and you would put your hands over both ears and start singing la la la la la I can't hear you? I feel that way today. Sometimes when I'm looking for answers I get suggestions I've already heard and tried, ideas that are not up my alley and don't want them to be, or search the internet only to discover worldly points of view that never worked in the first place so why would I mess up my own life trying it. Frustrating.
I don't like hearing that my kids in order to be accepted and loved need to be a certain size, say certain things, be like everyone else. That's not life! That's not realistic. I have always encouraged them to be themselves no matter what. If people struggle to accept them the way the are that's just fine. Friends come and go in and out of your life so frequently and sometimes they stay but a moment because you share that one thing at the time in common. It happens.
I don't like the world telling me because I'm bigger than a 0 that I'm worthless. That if I don't share the main stream's point of view I'm stupid or selfish. I despise it when people can't get over it. I have to. Why don't you? It's like everyone's writing their own rules and saying well my way is better do this. But really, shouldn't you simply be doing what's best for you? Your family? Even as far as parenting I have an idea how I want to parent and how I raise my kids. The kind of people I would like them to become. Does that mean they have to be? One can hope right lol.
I have been trying desperately to lose weight and do as my doctors tell me. As a result no matter how hard I try, I am failing at it. Everyone keeps telling me to be patient but I can't just keep waiting can I? I'm getting older. Not younger. I am actually scared to go to my doctors office and have him check my thyroid and blood sugar levels and weigh me. He looks at me like I'm a liar when I say everything I've been doing and why isn't it working. Like it's my fault. When I try to ask for suggestions he gives me the same ones. The very definition of stupidity is doing the same things over and over and expecting new results.
I need to find my own path. My way. I eat on average 680-860 calories per day because I'm afraid to eat anymore. I exercise a minimum of 30 minutes a day no matter how tired or sick or anything I am. I feel like I'm in some kind of jail and there's no escape. It's so completely frustrating. I have support. I love them all so dearly for it. I try to add things I enjoy for cardio like dancing and tennis. But those eventually will feel like a chore if I'm always worried about what my doctor will say. I don't know what else to do. He's given me fantastic ideas that worked brilliantly the last three years but I can't see to lose another pound. I've been trying for 4 months to get off this plateau and managed maybe 2 lbs.
I feel disappointed in myself. Not because I didn't lose anything. Because I don't know what I'm doing wrong and I have tried to fix it forever. Why can't I just accept that this is me?
I don't like hearing that my kids in order to be accepted and loved need to be a certain size, say certain things, be like everyone else. That's not life! That's not realistic. I have always encouraged them to be themselves no matter what. If people struggle to accept them the way the are that's just fine. Friends come and go in and out of your life so frequently and sometimes they stay but a moment because you share that one thing at the time in common. It happens.
I don't like the world telling me because I'm bigger than a 0 that I'm worthless. That if I don't share the main stream's point of view I'm stupid or selfish. I despise it when people can't get over it. I have to. Why don't you? It's like everyone's writing their own rules and saying well my way is better do this. But really, shouldn't you simply be doing what's best for you? Your family? Even as far as parenting I have an idea how I want to parent and how I raise my kids. The kind of people I would like them to become. Does that mean they have to be? One can hope right lol.
I have been trying desperately to lose weight and do as my doctors tell me. As a result no matter how hard I try, I am failing at it. Everyone keeps telling me to be patient but I can't just keep waiting can I? I'm getting older. Not younger. I am actually scared to go to my doctors office and have him check my thyroid and blood sugar levels and weigh me. He looks at me like I'm a liar when I say everything I've been doing and why isn't it working. Like it's my fault. When I try to ask for suggestions he gives me the same ones. The very definition of stupidity is doing the same things over and over and expecting new results.
I need to find my own path. My way. I eat on average 680-860 calories per day because I'm afraid to eat anymore. I exercise a minimum of 30 minutes a day no matter how tired or sick or anything I am. I feel like I'm in some kind of jail and there's no escape. It's so completely frustrating. I have support. I love them all so dearly for it. I try to add things I enjoy for cardio like dancing and tennis. But those eventually will feel like a chore if I'm always worried about what my doctor will say. I don't know what else to do. He's given me fantastic ideas that worked brilliantly the last three years but I can't see to lose another pound. I've been trying for 4 months to get off this plateau and managed maybe 2 lbs.
I feel disappointed in myself. Not because I didn't lose anything. Because I don't know what I'm doing wrong and I have tried to fix it forever. Why can't I just accept that this is me?
Friday, May 30, 2014
Deep Breath...Let It Go...Moving On
It's coming on summer vacation now for all my kidlets! The pressure's on to keep them somewhat entertained, even the teenagers. They are always thrilled to sleep in, lay on the couch and watch tv, play video games but it is short lived as they get bored quickly. It's great to keep myself busy this way and them as well.
Sometimes, even when I'm honest, I am acutely aware that just because I take things with a grain of salt not all others do the same. My husband's favorite three words to me when he sees that something is upsetting me, "Let it go." For me, the best way of letting go is entertaining my mind with things to do. There is always something that needs doing when you're a full time wife and mother.
I already have things like swimming lessons and soccer camps on my radar. Would have loved to put our 4 year old Catie into T-Ball but by the time I thought of it the registration was closed....by one stinking day! Typical. Anywho to my teenagers , ah crap not that, regrets there are plenty of improvements I find to do every year on our home and yard. They don't always pan out the way I want them to but I set out a plan do my best to execute it within limits and also being flexible to what's out there that I didn't think of and do my best to accomplish these goals.
This year I have my sights set on my basement, yet again, and my kitchen. We have needed a new fridge for about 2 years now and have finally purchased a Kenmore side by side without the stupid water/ice thing. Sorry but I think it's tacky unless you are really going to hook it up and even then the water always tastes weird to me. Kenmore has a pretty high standard of durability which with children I can completely appreciate. I plan on paining all the cabinets and redoing all the cabinet fixtures including new brackets for some. My problem and the hold up for the last two years is deciding on a tile, backsplash, or wallpaper that I might use between my upper cabinets and my counters. I cannot find one that I like and I have looked absolutely everywhere. I look forward to meeting with a designer coming to our home this evening just to get some ideas! At this point anything will do as long as it wipes easy and is stain resistant.
I also have to rearrange my basement as we are putting our old fridge, still in working condition, downstairs for what I like to call 'overflow'. You know Thanksgiving that doesn't fit in the fridge there's no more room? Birthday Cakes you don't want your kids to get into because it's tomorrow. You know, that kind of stuff. I also promised I'd go through all of our clothes downstairs with the kids who despite my willing to admit it, are nearing their college meet spouses and have babies part of their lives. So they get first dibs and whatever they don't take and I don't save ( girls' clothing) for our youngest is either garage sale or free for all. Personally the way the economy is I think it shows a lot more faith and gratitude in God for everything he's blessed us with to give it away free and clear.
I'm enjoying my walks, my yoga and even dancing, yes that's right dancing! Whether or not my family is home I put on my headphones and disappear for a while. I sweat more with dancing for 30 minutes than I do an hour of walking! With all these projects and trying to find camps and lessons to keep my kids busy this summer it's looking great! Hopefully we get to plan a few long weekends in their with Dad while we're at it.
Sometimes, even when I'm honest, I am acutely aware that just because I take things with a grain of salt not all others do the same. My husband's favorite three words to me when he sees that something is upsetting me, "Let it go." For me, the best way of letting go is entertaining my mind with things to do. There is always something that needs doing when you're a full time wife and mother.
I already have things like swimming lessons and soccer camps on my radar. Would have loved to put our 4 year old Catie into T-Ball but by the time I thought of it the registration was closed....by one stinking day! Typical. Anywho to my teenagers , ah crap not that, regrets there are plenty of improvements I find to do every year on our home and yard. They don't always pan out the way I want them to but I set out a plan do my best to execute it within limits and also being flexible to what's out there that I didn't think of and do my best to accomplish these goals.
This year I have my sights set on my basement, yet again, and my kitchen. We have needed a new fridge for about 2 years now and have finally purchased a Kenmore side by side without the stupid water/ice thing. Sorry but I think it's tacky unless you are really going to hook it up and even then the water always tastes weird to me. Kenmore has a pretty high standard of durability which with children I can completely appreciate. I plan on paining all the cabinets and redoing all the cabinet fixtures including new brackets for some. My problem and the hold up for the last two years is deciding on a tile, backsplash, or wallpaper that I might use between my upper cabinets and my counters. I cannot find one that I like and I have looked absolutely everywhere. I look forward to meeting with a designer coming to our home this evening just to get some ideas! At this point anything will do as long as it wipes easy and is stain resistant.
I also have to rearrange my basement as we are putting our old fridge, still in working condition, downstairs for what I like to call 'overflow'. You know Thanksgiving that doesn't fit in the fridge there's no more room? Birthday Cakes you don't want your kids to get into because it's tomorrow. You know, that kind of stuff. I also promised I'd go through all of our clothes downstairs with the kids who despite my willing to admit it, are nearing their college meet spouses and have babies part of their lives. So they get first dibs and whatever they don't take and I don't save ( girls' clothing) for our youngest is either garage sale or free for all. Personally the way the economy is I think it shows a lot more faith and gratitude in God for everything he's blessed us with to give it away free and clear.
I'm enjoying my walks, my yoga and even dancing, yes that's right dancing! Whether or not my family is home I put on my headphones and disappear for a while. I sweat more with dancing for 30 minutes than I do an hour of walking! With all these projects and trying to find camps and lessons to keep my kids busy this summer it's looking great! Hopefully we get to plan a few long weekends in their with Dad while we're at it.
Thursday, May 15, 2014
The Worth of Souls
One simple comment months ago and everything became more up front, more noticeable, more obvious, more enlightened. Kneeling in prayer the words were, "It hurts me to hear you speak of yourself that way. You are my daugther." Took me aback. Wasn't expecting to hear anything but in that one second a soft sweet whisper. I could actually feel the dissapointment. Wasn't expecting that either.
I have been pondering it ever since. Everything is just more obvious to me everything. Every word, every thought, every action. I'm quicker to feel that was wrong and apologize and also I am not easily moved when it's the truth. I realize that sometimes hearing the truth can hurt our feelings, especially if we don't see it or agree with it right away. It's hard to stand up for the truth sometimes. It's even harder knowing it may sting someone you love and truly care for and hope the best for.
For years I have always felt that waging war within myself. The why bother and the don't give up working equally as hard to convince me. Lately there are so many more details than that. So much more I didn't see or recognize. For example, last week I was fed up I have been steadily losing weight and I am very guarded about that because slow and steady means it doesn't return. Occasionally I find myself in circumstances where the temptation is all around me and it's hard to resist it. Or I'm simple not able to eat what I should because it's not presented. I do my best. I was assured if I kept doing my best and concentrated on helping others that plateau of mine would cease. My response was I'm sure less than pleasing as it was yeah right. Such the wrong attitude right?
Mid week I thought well I'm sure nothing's happened, I'm still stuck and was thinking about stepping on the scale. As I was walking back. From a neighbor's home. Whom I had just helped out without hesitation or reward. Then I started noticing all the other little things, to me little but not always to the recipients, that I had done every single day of that week so far. What's funny to me is I had been having the most awful week too! I saw myself from a different set of eyes that I'm sure I've tried to see myself from before but could never bring myself to look passed my own.
"You're right Lord", I whispered, "I have been hard on myself saying terrible things that shouldn't be said and for that I'm so sorry." Such a beautiful and astounding feeling of peace and warmth came over me. I am completely sure that this is will be an uphill battle, in ten feet of snow, barefoot, and carrying a brick, but I am aware now of it. Now I can begin to walk forward again and keep trying.
You're right you're not perfect neither am I in any way. But we try. We set personal goals that are worth while and we keep going. Never look back, leave it behind, there's greatness in your future if you want it.
I have been pondering it ever since. Everything is just more obvious to me everything. Every word, every thought, every action. I'm quicker to feel that was wrong and apologize and also I am not easily moved when it's the truth. I realize that sometimes hearing the truth can hurt our feelings, especially if we don't see it or agree with it right away. It's hard to stand up for the truth sometimes. It's even harder knowing it may sting someone you love and truly care for and hope the best for.
For years I have always felt that waging war within myself. The why bother and the don't give up working equally as hard to convince me. Lately there are so many more details than that. So much more I didn't see or recognize. For example, last week I was fed up I have been steadily losing weight and I am very guarded about that because slow and steady means it doesn't return. Occasionally I find myself in circumstances where the temptation is all around me and it's hard to resist it. Or I'm simple not able to eat what I should because it's not presented. I do my best. I was assured if I kept doing my best and concentrated on helping others that plateau of mine would cease. My response was I'm sure less than pleasing as it was yeah right. Such the wrong attitude right?
Mid week I thought well I'm sure nothing's happened, I'm still stuck and was thinking about stepping on the scale. As I was walking back. From a neighbor's home. Whom I had just helped out without hesitation or reward. Then I started noticing all the other little things, to me little but not always to the recipients, that I had done every single day of that week so far. What's funny to me is I had been having the most awful week too! I saw myself from a different set of eyes that I'm sure I've tried to see myself from before but could never bring myself to look passed my own.
"You're right Lord", I whispered, "I have been hard on myself saying terrible things that shouldn't be said and for that I'm so sorry." Such a beautiful and astounding feeling of peace and warmth came over me. I am completely sure that this is will be an uphill battle, in ten feet of snow, barefoot, and carrying a brick, but I am aware now of it. Now I can begin to walk forward again and keep trying.
You're right you're not perfect neither am I in any way. But we try. We set personal goals that are worth while and we keep going. Never look back, leave it behind, there's greatness in your future if you want it.
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