Kindergartener

Since my youngest and I have ventured into homeschooling Kindergarten this summer she has made soooooo much progress.  Our opening exercises consist of a an opening prayer, reciting the pledge of allegiance, what the weather is like today, and the days of the week.  In the beginning just the opening exercises felt a bit overwhelming to her but I knew she could do it!

We have 5 subjects a day and three of them are what I guess I consider daily staples.  Reading, Writing, and Math.  We also on different days do Art, Geography, Science, and Spelling.  I always believed the expression children are sponges when it comes to absorbing knowledge but wow!  We began at the beginning of June and now she can read because she learned that sounding out the letters helps her figure out what the word says and is becoming very proficient in a hurry.  She can say the Pledge of Allegiance on her own.  She reads maps and understands how to use a compass.  She's learned about plants her five senses, the difference between reptiles and mammals in more detail than I thought a five year old can handle and currently grasping the concept of the difference between the human world and the natural world.  He math is acceptional she wants no help with addiction, needs limited help for subtraction and is already getting bored with single digits.  In a month!

I have to admit deciding to home school was the hardest decision I've ever made realizing the time commitment to prepare plans and the patience when she definitely acts like she's five.  Temper tantrums wear off eventually but it's like aftershocks of 3 years right? Hahaha  I as a Mom and just plain human being usually feel inadequate about, well, everything and so her be so successful gives me hope that I might be worth something to somebody.  So please with her progress and willingness to learn, she's eager for it.  We have so much fun together most days and adding her swimming lessons, playdates, playgroup and gymnastics she keeps me busy!

Middle of Summer and Just Getting Started

So far so good this month!  Catie is excelling in Kindergarten at home, some days we struggle and butt heads but that sounds familiar ( Brittany) we find a way and continue on our quest for knowledge and playful learning.  Catie just started her swimming lessons so far she's a very good listener and the class is only 35 minutes long.  They have two teachers and about 9 kids in their class.  The first day of swim class will be memorable.  The teachers were performing the alligator swimming poem to encourage the kids to jump to them in the water one child at a time as the water is higher than them.  As the saying goes boys will be boys and we had a scary incident with the whole two boys in the class.  The teachers were helping two of their little swimmers to the ladder to climb out of the pool and one of the boys was too anxious and jumped in on his own and struggled to gasp for air.  Of course like I said the teachers already had children they were helping swim to the side in their arms so his timing couldn't have been worse.  He went under a lot but came out alright in the end.  A beautiful example of what not to do in swim class, which of course was lost on the second boy as we he too shortly after was overanxious as well and jumped in when their backs were turned helping others a second time.  I'm just glad that Catie has the right idea of wait for my teachers to catch me then jump in the water.  Phew!

Catie is also steadily participating in her gymnastics class over the summer.  She absolutely loves her new teacher over at Olympiad Gymnastics!  She has a good sized class of 7 children and is always excited to listen and participate in the new things she's learning there.  It's great to see her so happy.  Lately St Louis has been plagued with storms and rain the past week with another week to go so all of our family waterpark outings have been put on hold until we see a nice big break in the weather.  Need sunshine to warm up the water now don't we.  But that's ok because all of the kids are involved in a lot this summer.  Still have volleyball camp and Young Women's Camp coming up excited to see my teenagers explore and have fun!

This past week Brittany and Dyllan had the opportunity to attend Youth Conference with the St Louis North Stake.  They started with registration, receiving matching t-shirts, 'family' and bus assignments and a dance.  Although our son Dyllan isn't always fond of dancing in public he has discovered that since he's outnumbered 4 girls to 1 boy that he has quite the advantage when asking girls to dance lol.
Brittany had asked a friend to join them on this free event paid for by the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints that at first had resistant parents who she wore down ( the friend not Britt) and convinced them to let her go leaving my living room with three teenage girls over night.  My son was just so thankful he got to keep his bed, we usually offer it to company when company comes to town.  Luckily for me one of the teenager girls had parents that were 'parents' aka chaperones during this Conference that volunteered to pick up the four teens at 4:30am to meet the buses to Kansas City by 5.  Still got up with them to ask them if they had everything and to eat breakfast but then I got to go back to bed ahhhhhhh.

They toured many sites in Kansas City had a dinner and dance outside that night in the parking lot of the LDS Independence Visitor's Center.  They said they loved touring this site and enjoyed the dance and dinner I believe Jimmy John's served dinner very good for teens.  They stayed overnight at the Hilton by the KC airport which according to one kid was posh and the other not as posh lol.  The next morning they served in a worn down part of the city they now lovingly refer to as 'The Neighborhood'.  It was very filthy and run down and just under 200 LDS youth put on their work gloves, grabbed a trash bag and started cleaning it.  What impresses me the most is that regardless of how gross and stinky it was they carried on smiling, goofing off with friends, and in a generally upbeat mood thankful for the opportunity to help restore hope to this community.  In fact there was one older gentleman who said just that to our son, "Thank-you for what you're doing for all of us today.  You bring us hope."  What a wonderful opportunity to serve and to be more thankful for what you have in your own lives.

They then traveled to Far West and Adam-Ondi-Ahman.  At Adam-Ondi-Ahman they along with their 'families' ( their groups of kids and chaperones) had family home evening.  They learned about what Adam-Ondi-Ahman was and enjoyed visiting in their smaller groups.  I am sure that this was a great spiritual moment for most, but what really impressed me was that this entire group was covered in butterflies that showed up flying around them but landed comfortably on all of them without hesitation.  How peaceful.  How special.  How still.  Of course after that was dinner aka pizza aka number one hit with teens.  They climbed on the buses and got home late but happy with lots of good and fun experiences to remember and cherish.

I am thankful that my children include me as much as they do as teenagers and want me to be a part of their everyday lives.  It's such a rewarding feeling to see them learn and discover that they are an important part of this world and that they will have no trouble finding their place in it.  How important it is to be a productive part of society and your community and school.  Our children are just the world to us, challenge us and uplift us every day.  Looking forward to the rest of our summer and the experiences we have yet to have.

What a Day I'm Having!!

If I would have known what kind of day was coming I think I would have begged for the miracle of time travel to a time where I could get that confidence boost from previous triumph or good day to help carry me through this one. I feel like Alexander and have joined him in a terrible horrible no good very bad day.

I woke up way too early this morning for a summer vacation ( 5:30) and finally rolled out of bed around 6.  Aunt Rose is visiting and she brings with her the tightening and cramping of what feels to be all my innards in a boxing match.  Have to take my  hypothyroid med before I can take any pain killers.  So annoyed.  I do my hair, brush my teeth, get dressed, and discover when I walk into the front room that the fallen paint water cup stain, an event that was wonderful in and of itself ( she says sarcastically) fell all over my white carpet and to my chagrin is still prominently black, well maybe a dark grey.  Resolve has failed me.

I have a family member this morning that woke up with a full emotional plate and seemed a bit down.  I hugged and asked if there was anything I can do with a no response. ( frustrating)  I smile and listen as they speak somewhat about what's bothering them and then ask again if there's anything I can do to help.  This time the answer is, "No I'm fine." ( stare here )

I go to do some banking and due to a viral event last week with our computer have changed all of our passwords.  Makes banking interesting.  I wrote everything down so I wouldn't mess anything up or forget to discover that apparently some of the financial institutions I work with don't like my new passwords and I have been locked out of at least 3 of them this morning.  That's awesome.

Have already dropped off and picked up our oldest daughter from basketball practice.  She pushed herself too hard and became extremely dizzy and nauseated.  Having our background with seizures I of course try not to panic and pray that there will be no event before or after picking her up as she and our son are headed to a youth dance tonight and then out of town on a youth trip.  My calm attitude about this event is now riddled with worry which hopefully subsides when I realize that she'll be with lots of adult leaders and friends, they both will, and if anything happens I'm not that far away.  Haven't quite realized it yet even though she seems fine and says she's fine.

I have yet to start our day of kindergarten because I'm struggling to keep the older kids motivated enough to prepare for their departure this weekend as well as inform our little one of all the reasons that she can't go with them.  Fun fun.  I would have looked at it as good the older kids are gone Mom and Dad are mine!  But she feels a bit left out.  When she starts getting all the attention this weekend and then her brother and sister return I assure you they will become an inconvenience for her.

I still have plenty of driving kids to and fro this afternoon and evening as well as tomorrow early morning ( I'll be up at 4am) and we will still be having Kindergarten today even though my kindergartner will be pouting the entire time 'cause she can't go.  Hmph!  At this point having finally had the chance to eat breakfast ( only took me 5 hours ) and taken my diabetic medication I can now soothe Aunt Rose's vice grip on my uterus long enough to make it to and fro with my kids.  Ahh life is great isn't it?

The Titleless Post

Throughout my entire life when things are murky but trudging along still at a steady pace I find contentment.  At least for a while anyways.  You don't really notice anything creeping up on you when you're in a blissful state.  In my case it's a bunch of little things that add up quickly.  Youth Conference, cubscout camp ( I'm a den leader), Young Women's Camp, Volleyball Camp, Summer Gymnastics, Basketball Camp, you get the idea.  All the forms and registration and fees and coordination.  I don't mind it really just always nervous I'm gonna miss that one thing that could ruin our summer.  Like discovering that I need to renew my passport like now if I want to visit Alberta.  Fun discovery.  Good times.  No need to panic.

I've tried so hard to be a friend, to be a good Mom, a supportive wife, to be helpful.  Sometimes it can overwhelm me but I'd rather take on a lot and feel useful than nothing and feel bored.  Lately I feel very uneasy around people.  Like they're in on it , whatever IT is and I have no idea what's going on.  We all feel that way at some point right?  But service sure makes you feel better.

I worry a lot lately about my health too.  Last night I got this... report I guess you would call it.  Laid out my medical history over the past 2 years.  All the medications I've had to take and when.  When certain blood and urine tests were done.  I had to bite my lower lip to keep from crying.  I was always relatively healthy my whole life.  I've always loved sports and try to stay active despite hardly ever losing a pound.  This of course frustrates me especially since all society will see is some overweight woman wow she must just sit there and do nothing.  Too many pieces of chocolate cake and fried chicken.  If they only knew how often and far I walk every week or how I avoid carbs almost a little bit to the extreme just avoid gaining weight.

 I love fruits and vegetables far more than junk food, fast food always makes me feel sick.  In the summer when all these fruits and vegetables are in season I can't resist binging on them a little bit.  Sometimes too much fiber lol but overall makes me feel lighter.  The heat brings a desire to drink more water.  My family will laugh at that because I drink water all day long as it is, they'll think I'm trying to drown myself if I add more.  But we're supposed to do it because it's healthy and it makes you feel good.  I'm looking forward to swimming since I love to swim but I'm sure the public will disagree when they see me in a bathing suit.

Every time I feel icky, which diabetics no matter how hard we work at it just will from time to time, I feel like all these people around me get to go out there and live their lives as healthy individuals and sometimes it hurts me.  Not because I'm not happy for them, but because I can't keep up.  The Spirit is willing but the body......tries so hard and I expect so much out of it because it's what I've always been used to.

I am so truly thankful for my family and friends that love and support me.  Not only in words but in their actions of compassion and encouragement.  That it's okay.  I'm working still, and probably always will be, on being okay with it.  That we have to roll with the punches and do the best we got with what we have.

Almost There!

It's almost the end of the school year.  The end of 5am's, taxi service, sports activities this way and that, spreading myself too thin and being so busy I can't think straight.  I am so looking forward to sleeping in ( 7am probably) and a less scheduled life including reading books from the library, swimming, camping, and vacation time.  Ahhhh it's almost summer!

With two teenagers in high school and a daughter repeating an extra year of preschool ( she started a year early at 3 years old) it has been exceptionally busy this year.   To top that off my husband, dr physicist laser boy (his official name in his mind), has been extraordinarily busy with marine systems and I became a cub scout leader in February.  Not to mention all the teen dances including prom, all the awards nights end of school banquets and graduating from preschool.  Albeit fun and adventurous it will be much deserved to play in the pool with my five year old and suntan with a book.  I look forward to having time to do projects around the house, working on our yard ( when it's not 100% humidity), and taking the kids to the mall or a movie or whatever.  Whatever we want.

I am truly thankful for this past year.  Our family has accomplished a lot looking back and hope to have more time to accomplish more personal goals and spending more time together.  I feel like I'm counting down the hours, not just the days, to the first day I get to sleep past 5 and have a day with nothing scheduled on the calendar.  More ups than downs, and it's always awesome to watch your kids grow up and discover who they are and want they want to be in life.  I know for our eldest daughter Brittany that has been a struggle this year.  She established she wants to go to college but had a really hard time determining for what!  It made her excited, scared, frustrated ( there were tears) but I think she has a handle on it now.  So far..........hmmm.......I think she said nurse?  At any rate I'm happy for her to be able to finish her senior year (2016) and take on life with a new found freedom.  ( Please don't use your freedom to do something stupid it'll freak me out)

Our son really enjoyed his Freshman year at East High despite a rough start.  He's ending on a high note ( so far finals are next week) playing his final volleyball tournament this past Saturday.  He has discovered he really loves it and wants to keep playing over the summer to improve his skills so he can come back better and stronger for next year.  I remember loving volleyball, now I just sit and cheer.  I personally made it a goal to be at every single one of his games this season, encouraging my daughters to come and join in ( I think they missed only once or twice), it was really important to me that he have that support.  Even Dad got in a few games, mostly varsity but still.

We are definitely counting down our vacation still, we desperately miss the Alberta Rocky Mountains and can't wait to get back to them ( mostly cause they smell good).  It's becoming a bit of a challenge, having pets, to find people available to help us look after them but we're working on it hopefully no kitty hotels for us ( honestly Psycho will pitch an absolute fit).  Since it'll be so hot by the time we leave we decided camping that time of year probably a bad thing ( I will melt like the wicked witch of the west it won't be pretty) although we really do love to camp so we're still debating bringing camping gear just in case.  We can't wait!  So excited!

Aiming High

It's so great to take a break from the world! ( and your kids and house)  It took us an extra 2 weeks to be able to enjoy our Anniversary but we finally got the chance and even though it was going to be short ( one overnighter), knowing that going into it made us more committed than ever to spend time together.  Talk things out that might be bothering us about family or friends or kids or even each other.  To be able to show kindnesses and affection without interruption.  It made us look at just how busy life can get and how vital our relationship is to our family.

We were all smiles and giggles the entire time.  Not always the case but seeing that we are fully capable of these happy feelings we are going to work really hard on keeping it in our daily lives.  Hand holding, kissing, hugging are already in our daily 'routine', it annoys the kids but oh well lol.  But how often do we shut and lock the door just to have a conversation without interruption?  Like never!  When we try to discuss things we are constantly distracted by our kids suddenly having questions or concerns right when we're in the middle of it and it almost always turns into a bit of an argument because in turn we will mishear each other or be annoyed with the interruptions.  So when we have important things we need to discuss and usually find a quiet corner of the house we've discovered they'll find the corner.  We need a locked bedroom door or even a drive away from the house where we can speak.  Totally worth it to be able to hear each other and keep the flow of the conversation, it goes super smoothly and we seem more considerate of each other's opinions when we can actually hear it thoroughly.  Which in turn makes us better parents because we can't get caught in a dispute in front of them making them nervous or uncomfortable.

We have learned that the distance we have felt from each other, that lonely marriage feeling, was due to our busy schedules and by the time we got home we just wanted a hot meal, maybe a little tv and sleep.  Finding time for each other was always on the back burner.  We were lucky to find that our loving relationship was easily rekindled by taking a short break from the world around us and focusing just on our relationship first. That means phones off people!  Kids can't be happy without happy parents and parents can't counsel dramatic kids if they're struggling themselves.  All it will take is committing to a date every week but we've decided at a movie you can't speak, and at a restaurant you are constantly interrupted by the waitress so we have to figure something else out.  Maybe takeout and a quiet park? In the winter we're reaaalllyyy going to have to find something!  Other than hiding in a parking lot with the heater on I can't think of anything but we have all summer to figure it out!

Just because we're happy doesn't mean our kids will always be happy but working on our happiness in our marriage creates a foundation that is stable and makes life's challenges much easier to face.  It also boosts our self confidence.  We feel better about ourselves and our capabilities as husband and wife and as parents.   We do better on our own knowing that we are working together towards common goals than we do worrying about the little things that can easily consume us.

The questions we ask ourselves can be brutal ladies!  Am I too fat/too thin?  Am I smart enough/stupid?  Does my spouse still love me?  Am I being a good parent?  Am I doing enough for the community/neighbors?  Maybe I'm not worth liking/spending time with.  Then you start answering the questions with answers like, no one really likes me I'm not worth it.  Everyone's staring at me judging me because I don't look like them.  My spouse should find someone better than me they deserve it.  My kids deserve better than I can offer.  Believe me when I say this: You are just fine!  Everyone has flaws that everyone needs to work on and it's a personal thing.  It's extremely hard to overcome those flaws if you don't first find a way to love you.  Your relationship with yourself if it's a good one will branch out to others and create good solid ground to build new relationships.

I am so grateful that I got the chance to spend that 'quality' time with my husband this weekend.  It was nice to feel joy and peace and not be bombarded by such a demanding schedule.  With this confidence boost I look forward to my exercise and feel a wonderful determination to keep going.  I know we'll still have ups and downs life is like a crazy roller coaster you never know where the twists and turns will be but I have to say at the moment it's a lot easier to take.

Profound Spiritual Realizations

It's one thing to know the scriptures, to be able to recite them at a moments notice relevant to the conversation or to have a basic understanding of their truths and meanings.  Through the power of the Holy Ghost we can receive personal witness and revelation pertaining to these truths and when He manifests a true understanding of these things they become burned in our hearts and souls never to be separated from us unless we excuse them.  I have had two seemingly simple ideas, theories, principles take on a much deeper meaning.  For some reason I feel compelled to share them.

Bear with me as explaining something that you comprehend in such a profound way is very hard to describe in words but I'll try.  The story of the prodigal son where his son wants his inheritance now and takes off despite his father asking him to stay but as a good father would accepting his son has made his choice and giving it to him.  The son then basically wastes it on parties and such when he has absolutely nothing left to his name sheepishly returns to his father's house expecting to be put in his place and hear I told you so.  But that's not what he received.  He received hugs and kisses and a feast and a party for his return home.  His father rejoiced in his return with such joy and thankfulness.  Similar to Christ speaking of the 100 sheep and one that was lost.  How much He rejoices in the return when the one is found.  The 99 sheep He didn't have to worry about quite as much they already had a testimony of Him, His existence and His teachings and they chose to follow Him.  But that one that wanders off do to unbelief, was deceived and seduced by the glamour and riches of the world or maybe endured some experience or trauma that made them think that God can't exist if there is struggle is the one He worries about the most.

As a parent and after much pondering and certain experiences recently in my own life I have such a profound understanding of just how sacred and joyous this event of the one sheep found or the son returning home is to our Father in Heaven.  He desires all of His children to be happy and to find true joy that will last eternity.  He has established families to help us be strengthened and nurtured on earth and to gain experiences that help us grow and become more like Him.  Of course having free agency we can choose for ourselves to take our inheritance and leave or to stay and labor in the fields learning what we need to, to be truly happy.  How do you describe a feeling that encompasses pure joy and love mixed with a peaceful state of happiness?  I keep struggling to find the words to explain it.  His love for his children exceeds any other emotion in this world.  It's so powerful and so real.  So sacred and beautiful.  That hope for your children to succeed and find their way home knowing that some may never return.  We are His happiness.

The second was a much better understanding of what Christ's ministry was on the earth.  I know He was here to set a perfect example to follow, to share Heavenly Father's teachings and to establish His Church here on the earth with a Presidency and twelve apostles, with Bishops and missionary work.  To establish the gospel and Priesthood authority and to introduce the sacrament and it's meaning and to change the law of Sacrifice.  To atone for the sins of the world in the Garden of Gethsemane and to overcome death to give us eternal life by becoming resurrected.  This might seem so much simpler now having pointed out a lot of big things that He did but it's a very important principle that  I understand really well now.

When watching a movie I noticed this man that they honored, respected and loved who was willing to save them from certain end and gave them hope to endure.  They would wait to get a glimpse of him when he left his house bearing gifts of whatever they had to spare and would follow him with delight and happy energy telling him they believed in him.  Then I thought that sounds like something people who followed the Savior might have done.  He didn't need the stuff, but He accepted it because He knew how much it meant to them to give it.  He didn't need the bowing or worship but accepted it as a sign of the people's love and affection for Him and for most of His followers that was all they had to offer.  He loved them so much.  So much.  What He wanted them and us to understand is that He wanted us to hear His teachings and sermons.  To ponder them, pray to better understand them.  He wants us to go forth and share them.  He desires everyone to have the opportunity to hear His teachings, His miracles, feel His love for us, believe in His name, accept His Atoning Sacrifice for us and to gain eternal life.  He set the perfect example of what He needs us to do.  To love others, to be charitable and kind.  To let people accept or reject His message according to their own free will and choice.  To partake of the Atonement and repent so that we can return to our Father in Heaven.  What He needs us to do is share these things with the world and let the world one individual at a time decide for themselves what to believe and respect their decisions to accept or reject it as He did.  All He's asking us to do who believe in His name and on Him is to try.

He never said it would be easy, He only said it would be worth it.  Go forward with faith and endure to the end with courage and patience and love.  I hope that the magnitude of what I've learned is conveyed even at all.  Like I said it's hard to describe the feelings and understandings of my heart and I'll keep trying.  I hope and pray that you will find your true happiness and return home.