Finally and for the first time in three years my husband gets up the nerve to ask his parents to take our kids so we can have a weekend break. This wasn't without nudging, hinting, crying, pulling hair out, reminding, asking, nagging to get to this point. My jaw dropped when while he was on the phone with his Mom he finally said the words. It's pathetic and understandable to be this excited. Pathetic because it took so long, I found out that hubby was actually scared to ask his parents for help which still has me baffled and wondering if he knows them. Weekend with grandkids? All the cool personalities and funny things they say? Golden!
Understandable because it's been three years since we've had time to ourselves longer than a couple of hours twice a month to go on a date. Even then my phone's burned up with calls from the kids. Makes it hard to relax.
Finally and for the first time in our marriage we bought new furniture. We have been very blessed to have barely used furniture hand me downs from great friends and family. But it was just time. Needed a new bed for a couple years so it was just time to do both. We went to Weekends Only with the intent of just looking and maybe buying. My hubby tends to be on the cheap side of things, not practical side, cheap aka even if it's something we really need it has to be generic or cheaper. I am of the opinion that yes it must be affordable but also I like good quality too. Not everything cheap is worth getting because you'll find yourself right back where you started in no time making another purchase for the same thing. Have to be a smart shopper not just cheap.
He finally decided on a reclining sofa, which is something we were looking for, that has a heated massage feature. If you're female and reading this you understand that he was already sold on the price tag and the massage forget about the size, will it fit in our room, or the color, sage green which is not my cup of tea but it's tolerable at least it wasn't bright orange. You also can't lay down on it at all because it has a console to hide your snacks and remotes and beverage holders. Female readers are as of now sympathizing and totally understand how this happened. I could have fought it and said no. I suggested several others. I didn't mind the way it felt it was comfortable and that's all that mattered to me in the end is that I would enjoy it too. So he bought it. They warned him then and there non refundable lol. Hope it was a good choice. He'll learn if it wasn't.
On the upside I also got a new mattress and boxspring. I love Weekends Only staff. They are very particular when you are picking a bed they want you not to just use your hand to push on it or to sit on it and flop a little bit. They want you to lay down in your most common sleep position for a period of time and do that with several before making a decision. To their credit, and this is weird to me but, not all businesses allow you to do that in fact there are some stores that tell you no shoes and don't lay on it. How do you buy a mattress you've never laid on I ask you? We chose one a little on the firm side, very comfortable, hardly notice when the other party moves on it and it was a good price. Sold! So yesterday we got 'our' reclining sofa and 'our' new bed. Slept like a baby on that thing did not want to get up and drive our teenage daughter to Seminary. I fought it all the way to mins before we had to be there and then discovered, d'oh!, we're outta gas lol.
Three year old mostly potty trained, check. She still asks for a diaper for number two and when I find her niche I'll be able to continue wait no convincing that the potty is better for both. We used Reese's Peanut Butter cups to start the whole thing off. She started trying to pee on the potty as often as possible at first thinking about how she got one every time she was successful and even tried to get some when she wasn't lol. I have chocolate coins or 'chocolate money' as she puts it. I might even have to add really money in there. She keeps asking for $40 every time we go shopping ( keep in mind she's three and no concept of money yet lol) maybe I should tell her she can have it if she'll never use another diaper again ( except at bedtime I'm sparing the sheets). Then she can buy panties with it.
Very excited to have new furniture, new bed, potty training kid, and weekend off. It's a great day!
Wednesday, March 27, 2013
Tuesday, March 26, 2013
Detoxing my mind and body
I have been doing a cleansing day most months of the year every year since I was about 13/14 years old. I would always abstain from any processed foods, beef, pork, and even dairy. Wasn't easy. I drank a ton of water and fruits and vegetables. Was easy my parents always had a garden. I usually did this on a Saturday and it was much easier to do in the summer months because sweat really helps you get rid of any toxins. I would call it my 'tanning' day. I started adding lemon juice to my water in my later teen years because I discovered it had great health properties to help jump start detox and now of course it's a fad and everyone puts a lemon slice, wedge, or juice in their water. Used to just be a fancy restaurant thing when I was younger lol. I would do that all day long and be careful and dinner and then by bedtime I was done.
Since I've grown up, stress is much more prominent it comes with the responsibility of having a family and home to look after. We 'cleanse' our homes every year with spring cleaning. Tossing out or donating old toys, clothes, and furniture. Opening all the windows to clean warm fresh air, washing and dusting everything to get the 'stink out'. Our bodies need that too. Not just once a year but I try to do it a min of once a month if not more than that. Being a member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints we fast once a month, usually the first Sunday, to show our obedience and gratitude to our Father in Heaven for everything He gives us. It also acts as a mini detox to our bodies if we do a full fast ( miss two consecutive meals in a 24 hour period as well as abstaining from drinking any water or beverages) and I always find myself automatically aiming for the water first and foremost.
When I was in my late teen years I learned how to meditate. I remember this small town of ours linking meditation to burning incense or chanting which is fine for some but was never my intention. I just wanted the quiet peaceful state when my mind could offer me solutions to things that were bothering me and help me 'clear the air' of stress around me. I still meditate about two times a week to this day. It's a wonderful calming escape to me where I get to sit still and clear my mind or unwanted thoughts or anger or arguments. I've gotten pretty good at it over the years. It only takes me minutes to sink into meditation and 'empty out the trash'. I always open my eyes feeling lighter and happier so it works really well for me. I know it might not work for everyone.
When I originally started meditating I would use the bathtub to do it. Covering my ears with the water so it would muffle out anyone speaking outside the bathroom and all I could hear was myself breathing. My family can attest to my falling asleep quite often as a result so I stopped doing it that way and wouldn't recommend it unless there is someone that can check on you frequently. I tried doing it in a quiet part of the world, I would jog down to a quiet place and sit on a log or tree stump but I was always interrupted by cyclists or dog walkers so I stopped doing it that way too.
Now I have a song. This song I associate only with meditation and nothing else. The first time I heard it was on the radio and I remember looking up the mp3 online and finding a remix which I bought and downloaded. Now when I hear it play it puts me automatic relax cut everyone off mode so I have to be careful to keep it separate from my other music. The song is only about 4-5 mins long. If I need more time I replay. But quite frankly that 4-5 minutes can keep me going all day. Puts me in the right frame of mind to solve arguments and stressful situations. I am more mindful of what's going on around me and don't feel overwhelmed by it.
With the state of the world as it is and the speed it demands we pace ourselves at I truly cherish the opportunities I have to stop and appreciate life. Whether it's snowed in or a week at the cabin by the lake I am grateful for that time we have to stop and breathe and learn more about each other and the time to adore the beauty in this world.
Since I've grown up, stress is much more prominent it comes with the responsibility of having a family and home to look after. We 'cleanse' our homes every year with spring cleaning. Tossing out or donating old toys, clothes, and furniture. Opening all the windows to clean warm fresh air, washing and dusting everything to get the 'stink out'. Our bodies need that too. Not just once a year but I try to do it a min of once a month if not more than that. Being a member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints we fast once a month, usually the first Sunday, to show our obedience and gratitude to our Father in Heaven for everything He gives us. It also acts as a mini detox to our bodies if we do a full fast ( miss two consecutive meals in a 24 hour period as well as abstaining from drinking any water or beverages) and I always find myself automatically aiming for the water first and foremost.
When I was in my late teen years I learned how to meditate. I remember this small town of ours linking meditation to burning incense or chanting which is fine for some but was never my intention. I just wanted the quiet peaceful state when my mind could offer me solutions to things that were bothering me and help me 'clear the air' of stress around me. I still meditate about two times a week to this day. It's a wonderful calming escape to me where I get to sit still and clear my mind or unwanted thoughts or anger or arguments. I've gotten pretty good at it over the years. It only takes me minutes to sink into meditation and 'empty out the trash'. I always open my eyes feeling lighter and happier so it works really well for me. I know it might not work for everyone.
When I originally started meditating I would use the bathtub to do it. Covering my ears with the water so it would muffle out anyone speaking outside the bathroom and all I could hear was myself breathing. My family can attest to my falling asleep quite often as a result so I stopped doing it that way and wouldn't recommend it unless there is someone that can check on you frequently. I tried doing it in a quiet part of the world, I would jog down to a quiet place and sit on a log or tree stump but I was always interrupted by cyclists or dog walkers so I stopped doing it that way too.
Now I have a song. This song I associate only with meditation and nothing else. The first time I heard it was on the radio and I remember looking up the mp3 online and finding a remix which I bought and downloaded. Now when I hear it play it puts me automatic relax cut everyone off mode so I have to be careful to keep it separate from my other music. The song is only about 4-5 mins long. If I need more time I replay. But quite frankly that 4-5 minutes can keep me going all day. Puts me in the right frame of mind to solve arguments and stressful situations. I am more mindful of what's going on around me and don't feel overwhelmed by it.
With the state of the world as it is and the speed it demands we pace ourselves at I truly cherish the opportunities I have to stop and appreciate life. Whether it's snowed in or a week at the cabin by the lake I am grateful for that time we have to stop and breathe and learn more about each other and the time to adore the beauty in this world.
Friday, March 22, 2013
The Right to Fight
We grow up thinking we have the right to everything. Even the right to be better than everyone else. We do that whole my dad's better than your dad on the playground. I'm the king of the castle and you're the dirty rascal. First place in track n field. I have a tv in my room and you can barely afford the one in your living room. Arrogant right?
What happens when it's against yourself? Only you can know your best no one else and as a result you will always find yourself competing with you. In effect always putting yourself down when you are not at your best as well. I find myself doing that with humor lately but I know in the end it can only sting. The venom just goes a little bit slower when I use humor with it.
I finally got fantastic news that my thyroid levels are excellent. Woohoo! That's great news! Immediately followed by so if you are going to get pregnant now is the time to do it. You're 38 years old and everything looks good I wouldn't wait if you are going to have more kids. Okkaaayyy. Surprised that he said that but ok. That lead to 'the discussion'. Are we ready for more or are we content? Let me throw in a curveball. How many children chose to be born to us and are we cutting any of them off when we arrogantly say we're done? Do we think we have more rights than them?
It is a privilege to have children and a God given right for women to bare them. It is also a partnership. Being that they are God's children in the Spirit when we bare and birth these children we instantly partake in a partnership directly with God to provide for them in various ways, raising them to be good and self reliant human beings on this earth. Do I, when I say no to more children, compromise that relationship with God? Is there any iron clad way to know whether or not there are more souls meant to be members of this family through me?
Decision made. All three of my children thus far have been conceived whilst using contraceptives. They came when they were meant to come and I never got a chance to plan any of them. We decided this time we'll put the contraceptives on the shelf for a couple of years and if they come they come and if they don't they don't. Leaving it in God's hands and willing to accept His will. However, my husband has added a condition. He doesn't want to finally reach retirement and we still have kids at home. Understandable. That means we have a cut off age. I don't feel wrong about kneeling in prayer and saying that my husband doesn't wish to have children beyond this age so anyone who needs to come let them come now. I don't feel arrogant or selfish. I feel that this decision is respected and understood by both sides of the fence as long as we are humble about it. As long as we accept the answer no. Haven't received a no as of yet but if I do I will have another decision to make.
As a result of all of this I am being much harder on myself. Being very conscious of how I'm living. How much time I spend with my 3 year old now. My teenagers are in full fledged teenage mode where they don't really desire to be around me as much, just some of the time. They are content with friends and hobbies and homework and after school activities. So unfortunately I do factor that in. Will they be willing to help me with future babies in the house?
I am also being very picky about my water and food intake. My level of exercise. I seem to always want to do more than I have time for or my body is willing to cope with. I am still working my way back up the scale having been going through all this medical drama for the last 2 years. I find myself worn out a tad more quickly than before this all started and the only way I know to get it back up to par is to keep trying. Another issue that I will eventually have to deal with is what if I will never get back there? What if this is just how it is for me from now on? Am I willing to accept that? I have energy gallore so it makes me restless at times but getting rid of the energy so far is on house work and chasing the toddler around lol. I'm like one of those cartoon characters that you see with the robe and slippers and messed up hair and bags under her eyes stepping on the cats tail while fighting with the crying baby and grabbing the collar of the teenager in trouble with their latest antics. Totally me!
Here's the biggest thing I have to give myself credit for. I'm still here. After all of the horrible things I have had to endure and all the time stealing frustrating hurdles I have had to jump over, I'm still here. I'm still standing on my own two feet ready to face more challenges. I try not to be bitter about them just simply take them for what they are and move forward. I refuse to wallow, I don't appreciate people who do. There's this whole big world out there to enjoy and I've made a decision to enjoy what I can as often as possible. I may be worn out and stressed and frustrated with myself on a regular basis but I am a fighter and I keep going regardless of the outcome which sometimes I know isn't what I wanted.
I have to believe that there is always something greater around the corner even if it's attached to millions of nasty challenges I have to face to get to it. I have to believe that I have the tools and knowledge to get me there and what I lack in God finds a way to help make up for whether through helping me or putting others in my way that can help me. It is the same.
I'm both scared and thrilled at the concept of more children in our home. I'm both scared and thrilled at the possibilities of what I can achieve now that I have a better bill of health. I am grateful for life either way.
What happens when it's against yourself? Only you can know your best no one else and as a result you will always find yourself competing with you. In effect always putting yourself down when you are not at your best as well. I find myself doing that with humor lately but I know in the end it can only sting. The venom just goes a little bit slower when I use humor with it.
I finally got fantastic news that my thyroid levels are excellent. Woohoo! That's great news! Immediately followed by so if you are going to get pregnant now is the time to do it. You're 38 years old and everything looks good I wouldn't wait if you are going to have more kids. Okkaaayyy. Surprised that he said that but ok. That lead to 'the discussion'. Are we ready for more or are we content? Let me throw in a curveball. How many children chose to be born to us and are we cutting any of them off when we arrogantly say we're done? Do we think we have more rights than them?
It is a privilege to have children and a God given right for women to bare them. It is also a partnership. Being that they are God's children in the Spirit when we bare and birth these children we instantly partake in a partnership directly with God to provide for them in various ways, raising them to be good and self reliant human beings on this earth. Do I, when I say no to more children, compromise that relationship with God? Is there any iron clad way to know whether or not there are more souls meant to be members of this family through me?
Decision made. All three of my children thus far have been conceived whilst using contraceptives. They came when they were meant to come and I never got a chance to plan any of them. We decided this time we'll put the contraceptives on the shelf for a couple of years and if they come they come and if they don't they don't. Leaving it in God's hands and willing to accept His will. However, my husband has added a condition. He doesn't want to finally reach retirement and we still have kids at home. Understandable. That means we have a cut off age. I don't feel wrong about kneeling in prayer and saying that my husband doesn't wish to have children beyond this age so anyone who needs to come let them come now. I don't feel arrogant or selfish. I feel that this decision is respected and understood by both sides of the fence as long as we are humble about it. As long as we accept the answer no. Haven't received a no as of yet but if I do I will have another decision to make.
As a result of all of this I am being much harder on myself. Being very conscious of how I'm living. How much time I spend with my 3 year old now. My teenagers are in full fledged teenage mode where they don't really desire to be around me as much, just some of the time. They are content with friends and hobbies and homework and after school activities. So unfortunately I do factor that in. Will they be willing to help me with future babies in the house?
I am also being very picky about my water and food intake. My level of exercise. I seem to always want to do more than I have time for or my body is willing to cope with. I am still working my way back up the scale having been going through all this medical drama for the last 2 years. I find myself worn out a tad more quickly than before this all started and the only way I know to get it back up to par is to keep trying. Another issue that I will eventually have to deal with is what if I will never get back there? What if this is just how it is for me from now on? Am I willing to accept that? I have energy gallore so it makes me restless at times but getting rid of the energy so far is on house work and chasing the toddler around lol. I'm like one of those cartoon characters that you see with the robe and slippers and messed up hair and bags under her eyes stepping on the cats tail while fighting with the crying baby and grabbing the collar of the teenager in trouble with their latest antics. Totally me!
Here's the biggest thing I have to give myself credit for. I'm still here. After all of the horrible things I have had to endure and all the time stealing frustrating hurdles I have had to jump over, I'm still here. I'm still standing on my own two feet ready to face more challenges. I try not to be bitter about them just simply take them for what they are and move forward. I refuse to wallow, I don't appreciate people who do. There's this whole big world out there to enjoy and I've made a decision to enjoy what I can as often as possible. I may be worn out and stressed and frustrated with myself on a regular basis but I am a fighter and I keep going regardless of the outcome which sometimes I know isn't what I wanted.
I have to believe that there is always something greater around the corner even if it's attached to millions of nasty challenges I have to face to get to it. I have to believe that I have the tools and knowledge to get me there and what I lack in God finds a way to help make up for whether through helping me or putting others in my way that can help me. It is the same.
I'm both scared and thrilled at the concept of more children in our home. I'm both scared and thrilled at the possibilities of what I can achieve now that I have a better bill of health. I am grateful for life either way.
Tuesday, March 12, 2013
Am I Doing the Right Thing?
Children are such a blessing and a special gift. They make us laugh, they make us cry, they challenge us to our very cores most often than not. We try to encourage, direct, enforce, discourage, and challenge them back as much as we can. It's an honor to be a part of their lives, watch a human being grow into an adult with ambition and passion about life all their own.
But I am sooooo tired. I find myself sacrificing everything for my children all the time. Sounds great that I do that right? But at what cost? What good am I to my kids if I over do it? We are going through, still, that part of toddlerdom where they keep changing their sleep habits and keep trying to go back the one they liked . You know the one I mean. The one where they are up til the wee hours of the morning and sleep in. It's like teenager practice. Due to our eldest daughter's schedule this is just impossible! We are up around 5am every morning so to stay up with our toddler or allow her to stay up past even 9pm we really struggle to keep going. Expecially me.
I see my husband get to the end of his rope after trying to help her relax and calm down. We have literally done everything. Her nighttime routine is awesome and she does really well with it until all of the sudden the last few nights it doesn't phase her. So we thought about and decided maybe if we begin a half hour earlier doing her routine it will help. It's worse! I feel like a walking Zombie that turns into pumpkin guts after 8:30pm.
Her routine is as follows, 7:30 bathtime, we have noticed if we miss this it's a longer struggle and I'm hoping adding lavender baby bath will help. At 8pm we walk around the house with her turning off all the lights so she can see we are shutting the house down for the night. We figured making her a part of that would help her eventually understand this means everyone needs to be thinking about bedtime. It worked for a while but she could care less now. The slightest interruption of her bedtime routine and she thinks we've cancelled bedtime lol but we continue on. Then we put on one lamp, the same lamp every night, and we read to her in quiet and calm voices to help soothe and relax her. I have always read to my children at night since our first was born so this habit is easy. Of course the oldest two read on their own before bed now. Then if rock and quietly sing to her until she's asleep which usually took maybe 3 mins but just to be safe we do it about 10 even if she's fallen asleep. The whole thing takes maybe an hour and a half at the most so we are usually at 'free time' at 9pm at the latest.
I am having a hard time putting my foot down when she refuses to calm down or sleep and handing her off to hubby while I go to bed. I'm the one up at 5am dealing with the oldest kids, making sure they are eating breakfast, helping them with lunches, driving daughter to seminary and then high school. When I get back I am making sure hubby is up and help him with his lunch and breakfast and send him off to work and our son off to junior high school. I try to make sure our baby girl is up shortly after that so that she naps earlier and shorter so that when we hit 7:30pm she'll be ready for bed again. I am finding that so hard lately though having stayed up late with her and getting up early with the others. I try not to but I'm always falling asleep on the couch or in the chair or wherever I am after everyone has left for the day which means she sleeps in.
Is it worth me staying up late to help hubby out if she's not asleep by 9? Am I spreading myself too thin? I could be grouchy during the days but I choose not to be. I just endure the best I can until she falls asleep, aching to nap with her lol. Doesn't always work though, some days I get a second wind just when she conks out. Then by the time she wakes up I've been thinking about napping quickly before she does. I'm getting to the point where this is going to affect my health. If I don't get the sleep I need my body can't rest and heal like it's meant to. I keep thinking this is just temporary though, she's growing every day and the longer we stick to her routine the more likely it will be that it will be her habit. Her body will just catch on oh it's time to sleep now.
She's not even overstimulated before bed she plays quietly to herself after dinner. During the day she runs around a lot and plays with everything. We tickle, we chase, we challenge her knowledge of things. I feel stuck. I don't want to abandon hubby at night but I need to be there in full capacity from 5am on the next day. Am I doing the right thing sacrificing my sleep for my kids?
But I am sooooo tired. I find myself sacrificing everything for my children all the time. Sounds great that I do that right? But at what cost? What good am I to my kids if I over do it? We are going through, still, that part of toddlerdom where they keep changing their sleep habits and keep trying to go back the one they liked . You know the one I mean. The one where they are up til the wee hours of the morning and sleep in. It's like teenager practice. Due to our eldest daughter's schedule this is just impossible! We are up around 5am every morning so to stay up with our toddler or allow her to stay up past even 9pm we really struggle to keep going. Expecially me.
I see my husband get to the end of his rope after trying to help her relax and calm down. We have literally done everything. Her nighttime routine is awesome and she does really well with it until all of the sudden the last few nights it doesn't phase her. So we thought about and decided maybe if we begin a half hour earlier doing her routine it will help. It's worse! I feel like a walking Zombie that turns into pumpkin guts after 8:30pm.
Her routine is as follows, 7:30 bathtime, we have noticed if we miss this it's a longer struggle and I'm hoping adding lavender baby bath will help. At 8pm we walk around the house with her turning off all the lights so she can see we are shutting the house down for the night. We figured making her a part of that would help her eventually understand this means everyone needs to be thinking about bedtime. It worked for a while but she could care less now. The slightest interruption of her bedtime routine and she thinks we've cancelled bedtime lol but we continue on. Then we put on one lamp, the same lamp every night, and we read to her in quiet and calm voices to help soothe and relax her. I have always read to my children at night since our first was born so this habit is easy. Of course the oldest two read on their own before bed now. Then if rock and quietly sing to her until she's asleep which usually took maybe 3 mins but just to be safe we do it about 10 even if she's fallen asleep. The whole thing takes maybe an hour and a half at the most so we are usually at 'free time' at 9pm at the latest.
I am having a hard time putting my foot down when she refuses to calm down or sleep and handing her off to hubby while I go to bed. I'm the one up at 5am dealing with the oldest kids, making sure they are eating breakfast, helping them with lunches, driving daughter to seminary and then high school. When I get back I am making sure hubby is up and help him with his lunch and breakfast and send him off to work and our son off to junior high school. I try to make sure our baby girl is up shortly after that so that she naps earlier and shorter so that when we hit 7:30pm she'll be ready for bed again. I am finding that so hard lately though having stayed up late with her and getting up early with the others. I try not to but I'm always falling asleep on the couch or in the chair or wherever I am after everyone has left for the day which means she sleeps in.
Is it worth me staying up late to help hubby out if she's not asleep by 9? Am I spreading myself too thin? I could be grouchy during the days but I choose not to be. I just endure the best I can until she falls asleep, aching to nap with her lol. Doesn't always work though, some days I get a second wind just when she conks out. Then by the time she wakes up I've been thinking about napping quickly before she does. I'm getting to the point where this is going to affect my health. If I don't get the sleep I need my body can't rest and heal like it's meant to. I keep thinking this is just temporary though, she's growing every day and the longer we stick to her routine the more likely it will be that it will be her habit. Her body will just catch on oh it's time to sleep now.
She's not even overstimulated before bed she plays quietly to herself after dinner. During the day she runs around a lot and plays with everything. We tickle, we chase, we challenge her knowledge of things. I feel stuck. I don't want to abandon hubby at night but I need to be there in full capacity from 5am on the next day. Am I doing the right thing sacrificing my sleep for my kids?
Monday, March 11, 2013
Reconnection
How on earth do we allow ourselves to get so busy? I get having kids and everyone has their schedule and that's cool I don't mind. Last night my husband and I thought man we are so stressed out! We need to find 30 mins a night to just talk to each other uninterrupted. You know what? We could not find a time to do it on any day of the week! We spent 30 minutes trying to find a time of day we could talk for 30 minutes. So unbelievably sad. So I spoke up after we kept going around in circles about the whole thing and said you know what we need to MAKE the time. Other peoples schedules and lives will just have to wait.
We are totally committed to doing this! It really bothered us that we struggled to even find 30 minutes a day for each other we have so much going on. But we finally have set aside a time each day to at least sit down and talk to each other, not silly small talk, really speak with each other about stuff going on with us. It's nice to have time to find out what's really going on with each other, even if there is no advice to give or any way to really fix the problem, it's nice to get that love and support from one another. It actually makes me feel like I can breathe a little easier just knowing I get that time with him and it's ours and ours alone. Great way to help relieve stress and problem solve, together.
When we got married we decided that we wanted to take at least one-two vacations a year, time and money willing, alone together and it's been about 4 years since we've had that time and money to do it. No excuse really. We should have done the same in the past few years with vacation time as we did with our 30 mins a day. MADE time for each other no matter what. Sometimes we get distracted from the things that are really
important to us and keep pushing those more important things to the wayside constantly repeating to ourselves we'll get there another time. I'll fix my daughter's bike later, I'll paint that room another time, I'll get my food storage organized another weekend, I'll go with my spouse away for a weekend when I'm not so busy. The list can go on for years, as we've discovered, and definitely not to our benefit.
Now we have 'a plan' and we recognize that plans change but we are very stubborn about our time together being that it feels like we haven't really seen each other in years lol. We will find time to speak to each other every day uninterrupted, we'll hide if we have to!(don't look for us kids you can handle 30 mins) We'll find time to date a couple of times a month to do those things that we enjoy. ( other couples welcome leave your kids at home) And we will always make time, from now on anyways lol, to have a couple of weekends at the very least alone together. ( Grandparents are awesome aren't they?) We are both anxious and excited to make this time for each other.
When you find the one you love and value and can't live without, please, MAKE the time for each other. The world will just have to learn to hear the word NO and be forgotten now and then. Families are above all other priorities and if I don't have that connection with them, if I don't try to keep building those relationships then this world isn't worth it in the end.
We are totally committed to doing this! It really bothered us that we struggled to even find 30 minutes a day for each other we have so much going on. But we finally have set aside a time each day to at least sit down and talk to each other, not silly small talk, really speak with each other about stuff going on with us. It's nice to have time to find out what's really going on with each other, even if there is no advice to give or any way to really fix the problem, it's nice to get that love and support from one another. It actually makes me feel like I can breathe a little easier just knowing I get that time with him and it's ours and ours alone. Great way to help relieve stress and problem solve, together.
When we got married we decided that we wanted to take at least one-two vacations a year, time and money willing, alone together and it's been about 4 years since we've had that time and money to do it. No excuse really. We should have done the same in the past few years with vacation time as we did with our 30 mins a day. MADE time for each other no matter what. Sometimes we get distracted from the things that are really
important to us and keep pushing those more important things to the wayside constantly repeating to ourselves we'll get there another time. I'll fix my daughter's bike later, I'll paint that room another time, I'll get my food storage organized another weekend, I'll go with my spouse away for a weekend when I'm not so busy. The list can go on for years, as we've discovered, and definitely not to our benefit.
Now we have 'a plan' and we recognize that plans change but we are very stubborn about our time together being that it feels like we haven't really seen each other in years lol. We will find time to speak to each other every day uninterrupted, we'll hide if we have to!(don't look for us kids you can handle 30 mins) We'll find time to date a couple of times a month to do those things that we enjoy. ( other couples welcome leave your kids at home) And we will always make time, from now on anyways lol, to have a couple of weekends at the very least alone together. ( Grandparents are awesome aren't they?) We are both anxious and excited to make this time for each other.
When you find the one you love and value and can't live without, please, MAKE the time for each other. The world will just have to learn to hear the word NO and be forgotten now and then. Families are above all other priorities and if I don't have that connection with them, if I don't try to keep building those relationships then this world isn't worth it in the end.
Tuesday, March 5, 2013
Wow I dated that guy?
If you offend easily and think you know me don't read this lol.
I recently been on a kick with a couple of friends of mine, mostly me, looking up old boyfriends and people that we've dated over the years. The first thing I noticed was my reaction to everyone I found. By the way google rocks! Nothing sacred, you can't hide from it!
Anywho, my reaction was always a puzzled expression, a little nausea, and a what was I thinking? Granted some have done very well for themselves and these some I still consider friends of mine so being happy for them and their beautiful wives, their gorgeous children and their amazing careers is easy. The other some, however, I'm confused as to what I was thinking about. I keep thinking someone was very convincing back then as to what kind of a person I was looking for. High school wasn't so bad there were very few I really liked and I realize thinking back some of these considered 'catches' were pretty cruel to me so I'm not sure what the point was of dating them in the first place other than I had been convinced I was something I wasn't.
To those of you I dated in high school, don't be so offended, I'm sure if you really thought about a lot of the girls you dated you'd be having the same thoughts going through your own mind.
I was never truly comfortable with anyone I dated except maybe one or two and I never dated them long enough to find out if I really liked them for some dumb fear that others would judge. How ridiculous is that?!
I did notice, that in my young adulthood, dating was a lot quicker for me. That's probably not a good thing. I really was one of those girls you like, you finally have the courage to ask out, and then that was it. I was very standoffish as a young adult. I just wanted to have fun! When things would get serious or anyone would speak of the M word I would back out slowly and do my best to convince whomever I was with that I wasn't worth it and to dump me so I didn't have to hurt their feelings. I'm sorry if it does now but who are we kidding I wasn't right for you!
I thrived on spontaneity back then. Doing things spur of the moment for shock value was fantastic fun to me. I liked keeping people on their toes. The only problem was, I bounced around a lot because I got bored so fast. I'm sure I had plenty of girls and guys labeling me behind my back but I never really cared about it. I was too busy trying to have fun. Then I was forced into growing up by my own hand. While I was having all this fun I had to change. I remember being terrified and angry.
I knew when I was young I was not the marrying kind. I had no interest in it. I watched friend after friend go away to college or marry right out of high school. Almost made me ill at the thought. Just wasn't for me. Oh sure I was happy for them, ecstatic! But it just wasn't for me. Even after my divorce I really enjoyed spending time with friends and dating whomever I pleased again. Thriving on responsible spontaneity if that's possible with two kids. It was great! I found a group of friends that were perfect for me. We could talk about anything, fight and still laugh at the end of it all, and we loved and still love each other very much. I miss them terribly and yes things had to change. But things are never weird between us we literally pick up where we left off and continue on even after years of separation and I love that!
Then I met my husband. Looking back now at all the boys and men I've dated or wanted to date or dated for extended periods of time, makes me soooooo incredibly grateful for my husband. He's cute, extremely smart, has a great career as a physicist which so far he enjoys, is thoughtful and kind and protective and I love him more than anything. Sure he doesn't play any musical instruments or dance very well, and those of you that remember I can dance yo, but he's perfect for me. He allows me to run free like that be me, he loves me the way I am not the way I pretend to be. Letting my guard down with him was amazingly easy for me and he's the only one in this world that can calm the storm in me with his soothing voice and sweet nature.
So unbelievably grateful that I found him after all this time and how the M word with him was like second nature to me.
I recently been on a kick with a couple of friends of mine, mostly me, looking up old boyfriends and people that we've dated over the years. The first thing I noticed was my reaction to everyone I found. By the way google rocks! Nothing sacred, you can't hide from it!
Anywho, my reaction was always a puzzled expression, a little nausea, and a what was I thinking? Granted some have done very well for themselves and these some I still consider friends of mine so being happy for them and their beautiful wives, their gorgeous children and their amazing careers is easy. The other some, however, I'm confused as to what I was thinking about. I keep thinking someone was very convincing back then as to what kind of a person I was looking for. High school wasn't so bad there were very few I really liked and I realize thinking back some of these considered 'catches' were pretty cruel to me so I'm not sure what the point was of dating them in the first place other than I had been convinced I was something I wasn't.
To those of you I dated in high school, don't be so offended, I'm sure if you really thought about a lot of the girls you dated you'd be having the same thoughts going through your own mind.
I was never truly comfortable with anyone I dated except maybe one or two and I never dated them long enough to find out if I really liked them for some dumb fear that others would judge. How ridiculous is that?!
I did notice, that in my young adulthood, dating was a lot quicker for me. That's probably not a good thing. I really was one of those girls you like, you finally have the courage to ask out, and then that was it. I was very standoffish as a young adult. I just wanted to have fun! When things would get serious or anyone would speak of the M word I would back out slowly and do my best to convince whomever I was with that I wasn't worth it and to dump me so I didn't have to hurt their feelings. I'm sorry if it does now but who are we kidding I wasn't right for you!
I thrived on spontaneity back then. Doing things spur of the moment for shock value was fantastic fun to me. I liked keeping people on their toes. The only problem was, I bounced around a lot because I got bored so fast. I'm sure I had plenty of girls and guys labeling me behind my back but I never really cared about it. I was too busy trying to have fun. Then I was forced into growing up by my own hand. While I was having all this fun I had to change. I remember being terrified and angry.
I knew when I was young I was not the marrying kind. I had no interest in it. I watched friend after friend go away to college or marry right out of high school. Almost made me ill at the thought. Just wasn't for me. Oh sure I was happy for them, ecstatic! But it just wasn't for me. Even after my divorce I really enjoyed spending time with friends and dating whomever I pleased again. Thriving on responsible spontaneity if that's possible with two kids. It was great! I found a group of friends that were perfect for me. We could talk about anything, fight and still laugh at the end of it all, and we loved and still love each other very much. I miss them terribly and yes things had to change. But things are never weird between us we literally pick up where we left off and continue on even after years of separation and I love that!
Then I met my husband. Looking back now at all the boys and men I've dated or wanted to date or dated for extended periods of time, makes me soooooo incredibly grateful for my husband. He's cute, extremely smart, has a great career as a physicist which so far he enjoys, is thoughtful and kind and protective and I love him more than anything. Sure he doesn't play any musical instruments or dance very well, and those of you that remember I can dance yo, but he's perfect for me. He allows me to run free like that be me, he loves me the way I am not the way I pretend to be. Letting my guard down with him was amazingly easy for me and he's the only one in this world that can calm the storm in me with his soothing voice and sweet nature.
So unbelievably grateful that I found him after all this time and how the M word with him was like second nature to me.
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