If you offend easily and think you know me don't read this lol.
I recently been on a kick with a couple of friends of mine, mostly me, looking up old boyfriends and people that we've dated over the years. The first thing I noticed was my reaction to everyone I found. By the way google rocks! Nothing sacred, you can't hide from it!
Anywho, my reaction was always a puzzled expression, a little nausea, and a what was I thinking? Granted some have done very well for themselves and these some I still consider friends of mine so being happy for them and their beautiful wives, their gorgeous children and their amazing careers is easy. The other some, however, I'm confused as to what I was thinking about. I keep thinking someone was very convincing back then as to what kind of a person I was looking for. High school wasn't so bad there were very few I really liked and I realize thinking back some of these considered 'catches' were pretty cruel to me so I'm not sure what the point was of dating them in the first place other than I had been convinced I was something I wasn't.
To those of you I dated in high school, don't be so offended, I'm sure if you really thought about a lot of the girls you dated you'd be having the same thoughts going through your own mind.
I was never truly comfortable with anyone I dated except maybe one or two and I never dated them long enough to find out if I really liked them for some dumb fear that others would judge. How ridiculous is that?!
I did notice, that in my young adulthood, dating was a lot quicker for me. That's probably not a good thing. I really was one of those girls you like, you finally have the courage to ask out, and then that was it. I was very standoffish as a young adult. I just wanted to have fun! When things would get serious or anyone would speak of the M word I would back out slowly and do my best to convince whomever I was with that I wasn't worth it and to dump me so I didn't have to hurt their feelings. I'm sorry if it does now but who are we kidding I wasn't right for you!
I thrived on spontaneity back then. Doing things spur of the moment for shock value was fantastic fun to me. I liked keeping people on their toes. The only problem was, I bounced around a lot because I got bored so fast. I'm sure I had plenty of girls and guys labeling me behind my back but I never really cared about it. I was too busy trying to have fun. Then I was forced into growing up by my own hand. While I was having all this fun I had to change. I remember being terrified and angry.
I knew when I was young I was not the marrying kind. I had no interest in it. I watched friend after friend go away to college or marry right out of high school. Almost made me ill at the thought. Just wasn't for me. Oh sure I was happy for them, ecstatic! But it just wasn't for me. Even after my divorce I really enjoyed spending time with friends and dating whomever I pleased again. Thriving on responsible spontaneity if that's possible with two kids. It was great! I found a group of friends that were perfect for me. We could talk about anything, fight and still laugh at the end of it all, and we loved and still love each other very much. I miss them terribly and yes things had to change. But things are never weird between us we literally pick up where we left off and continue on even after years of separation and I love that!
Then I met my husband. Looking back now at all the boys and men I've dated or wanted to date or dated for extended periods of time, makes me soooooo incredibly grateful for my husband. He's cute, extremely smart, has a great career as a physicist which so far he enjoys, is thoughtful and kind and protective and I love him more than anything. Sure he doesn't play any musical instruments or dance very well, and those of you that remember I can dance yo, but he's perfect for me. He allows me to run free like that be me, he loves me the way I am not the way I pretend to be. Letting my guard down with him was amazingly easy for me and he's the only one in this world that can calm the storm in me with his soothing voice and sweet nature.
So unbelievably grateful that I found him after all this time and how the M word with him was like second nature to me.
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