Now of course all of this in my opinion nothing more. It's an interesting thought when having current conversations with your friends, children, or family members that are seeking advice or help when to "spill the beans". Is it at all relevant to bring up your own mistakes in your past experiences to anyone once the matter has already been settled? Do you leave your past in the past? Or do you allow them to hear from your "closeted memories" in hopes that they will somehow learn a better and more insightful lesson than you did? Big dilemma.
I've had several friends and family members over the years ask me millions of questions about pretty much everything. How did you know when to get your divorce? Now that was a fun one. I simply said it was just time to move on. I didn't have the heart to say well I had this huge gut instinct that my ex was cheating on me and when I finally got him to admit to it the divorce thing was already on the table because not only could I see he didn't really care about me or our children but as a result I stopped caring about him. Plus he had an extremely violent temper that part I usually try not to bring up, too painful.
I've had individuals deeply in love with their spouses, who are great with their children and sweet and considerate to them ask me what to do to avoid divorce or even the thought of ultimatums. Ultimatums are hard. There are a lot of men out there, for example, that cringe and get angry when they hear or even think that word. But how do you know when to do it? I hated that conversation but by the same token, and in this instance yes she was a she lol, I simply told her to discuss all of these things with him. It doesn't do any good laying everything out on the table in front of someone that can easily see what they would do with it. How does that help her at all? Suggestions maybe but even then sometimes I feel like I'm crossing the line. How could I have told her well, it sounds to me like you need to tell him how you feel, be honest, knowing in my head that if that happened to me, the same situation, based on past experience instead of being patient with him and waiting and pleading I would have laid out the facts and said choose.
I've had people come to me and ask why can't I find someone? In this instance, a man. Is there something fundamentally wrong with me is the most common question I think he asked. I myself have been through many "dry spells" with the absence of dating and sometimes even the absence of interest in dating. But all of these things are so personal and sometimes I really messed up. I don't blame myself for every relationship ending but I do blame myself for my part in it. I think how we react to things is just as important as initiating it. Do I say things like, oh yeah that's happened to me, everyone kept saying to me is this too shall pass and it did I just had to be patient. And although that's true there was a part of me that was always thinking you know what man? It sucks. It bites big time and I have had the same rant and rave you're having right now wanting God and every person alive to answer me with a solid answer why can't it be me so you go on ahead and rant baby. I'm behind ya.
What do I do when my kids ask me personal questions about if I've ever done....? Am I supposed to tell them the truth? Avoid the question? Answer obscurely what? My parents were never really honest with those questions when I really needed the answers and I don't know that it helped me that they would get angry and change the subject and say its none of your business, which it wasn't. I would just go off and find out cause that's how I am. "No one's gonna tell me fine! I'll find out for myself." That's what terrifies me. These are my kids, my DNA is in there somewhere. So far I've been truthful and told only what I needed to to get the point across. I hate lying. I'd rather be a mean old crone than lie lol. Granted I can't control how it's received only what I share but should I have shared or should I have found a book for them to read instead?
When is it ok to use your past experiences? Do I let sleeping dogs lie or bite the bullet and open the closet?
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