Lately I look around me and think...you are better than I am. I see my husband he's perfect! It's irritating and comforting all at the same time. Yes he has faults but when I compare them to my own he's better than I am. I look at friends around me going through tough times, rising to the occasion and finally coming into their own in amazing ways and I think, you're better than I am.
I look at me these days and see effort that comes just short of success. Despite extra effort at times or life changing knowledge or any amount of hard work, still stuck in this hole. I talked about that hole a few blogs ago that might help you understand a bit better what I'm talking about. I have grown leaps and bounds in my lifetime though so I can't complain about that. I am struggling with the absence of success in any aspect of my life albeit I feel incredibly blessed at the same time.
My plan of what I think I should do is apparently not the same as what He thinks I should do and I have been searching, hoping, pondering but still, stuck. But I see all of those around me who put effort in and get wonderful things out of it makes me so happy for them! Can't help but smile, even now just typing it. Joy fills my heart about it. So many amazing people around me. Some not so cool too but there's a balance in all things right? lol Even you. You are better than I am. I have a lot to live up to and running out of time to do it.
Despite any lack of success, I'll keep going. Even if it's pointless, or futile, or a waste of time. I made a promise to try. Try I do and try I must. Would be nice to get a reward or two now and then though wouldn't it?
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