Finding a balance. We hear it often through media, books, magazines, talk shows, church callings and friends. I live for my kids. I admit that out loud. I live for my kids they are my top priority. So much so that occasionally they act as though I am a nuisance lol and tell me to back off. Sometimes I feel like the mother in that movie New Year's Eve that kept following all of the teenage kids around 'discreetly' hiding behind magazines in plain sight and lurking around every corner as her daughter and her friends were gathering at Time Square to watch the ball drop. Then there are times where I feel neglectful only to find my teenagers like it that way.
This is a shift in life. A hard one too because although I have two children who want more independence I believe it has to be earned not just simply handed over without any guidance along the way. I also have a toddler who is growing into little girl phase and leaving her baby phase so there's a lot going on there! Hard to keep track sometimes and I hate that feeling that I might be leaving someone out more than another but I don't see how since I speak with each of them on a daily basis. I love that they come home and I'm the one they want to tell everything to. That part I must have done right because from what I hear it's rare. My kids don't walk in the door say hi mom and then disappear behind a door when they get home they talk to me right from the get go. Of course Mom makes it a point to ask on a daily basis as well to let them know I'm interested in them and what's going on in their lives.
Granted I don't need every single detail of everything that goes on. Our son tends to be very detailed in a simple day at school so much so that it might take just as long to listen to it as it was to live it so we have been trying to teach that summaries are an awesome way to tell us everything going on with him and we also try to steer the conversation and keep the focus on him so we don't get all of the 'gossip' of who did what to whom. We are working on it in a positive way, I think, and he's an amazingly brilliant kid with a fantastic memory. He stole it from me I just know it!
Our oldest daughter tends to be a bit more like her Dad in the respect of trying to keep it to herself. Sometimes a little too bottled up but for the most part I think she has the right idea. Deal with it herself and show that she can handle it on her own. I truly admire and love watching her take on life's challenges this way without feeling compelled to tattle on any friends or teachers. She deals with it on her own as long as she thinks she can and when she breaks we help her pick it up from there. It shows growth and maturity and it's great to watch! She still communicates with us on a daily basis though if something is truly bothering her and we follow up frequently to let her know we haven't forgotten and see if she's made any progress. She's finally old enough to have a good understanding that some people just aren't meant to get along but if you gave it honest effort then you have nothing to be ashamed of. We can still be polite to people we aren't necessarily fond of. Or we can secretly tell them what we really think of them in our minds at least right?
I think that family dinner is one of the most important things in the world these days. I've put emphasis on it so long that I have never had to remind them not to bother bringing a tablet or a phone to the table. They know already that this is the time we sit down together as a family and talk about anything. It helps us reinforce 'ground rules' for our home. It allows us the opportunity to learn something about each other we might never have known. Lately my kids keep asking me to tell them more about myself. The more stories they hear about my life the more they seem to want, embarrassing for me but if it inspires them I'm all for it! We share the good, the bad, and the ugly at this table and for that one hour the world can wait. We are just us, together in harmony, trying to strengthen and uplift each other as well as keep each other on the straight and narrow. Well that and goof off uncontrollably. Thankyou Mom and Dad for instilling such an important and simple way to spend time with family.
I, lately, see myself a lot differently as a result of my children. A reflection I didn't expect to see mirrored at me. Confidence, endurance, faith, humility, love, silly humor, genuine affection and compassion for others, and strength. Pillars of righteousness. I had no idea that I would ever see that reflection mirrored in my children. It far exceeds my expectations. Yesterday just sitting there, rare for me, I had time to think and reflect on how much I love my family. Seeing me through their eyes was a great experience and I realized I'm a lot more important to those around me than I ever even considered. That and I laugh at myself a great deal for the stupid stuff I do that no one sees. ( heeheehee)
I think I always thought I was on the back burner because I liked it there not because others saw me that way. It's hard seeing yourself through another's eyes. I always think those eyes are lying to me. It sure made me feel like I could come up for air if nothing else and that was a great feeling! Sometimes life helps you out in the most unexpected ways. It's been keeping me alive and laughing for years. Always curious, what happens next?
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