Invisible

I hope that I remembered to thank every friend and family member when they helped me out in some large or even tiny way.  I hope that I appreciated it and tried to return the favor in some way if I could.  To be honest sometimes we do things for each other that could never be returned.  Especially when it's done anonymously, my personal favorite.  Nothing could thrill me more than to offer service or donations without anyone knowing that it's me.  Brings such a smile to my heart.  Sometimes the only thing I can offer is to pray for them and wish them the best life has to offer.

I hope that I have tried to become friends with most people I've met in my life.  That I have offered to be someone they can rely on and speak to about, well, anything.  I really enjoy spoiling those people in my life that I feel have taken a genuine interest in my own.  The ones who call me to check up on me all the time or invite me out of the house without my husband and kids to have some girl time.  These friends make me so happy and inspire me to do the same not only back to them but to others as well.  Granted even the biggest or most consistent of efforts can fall by the wayside and I'm hoping I have always been grateful and shown that gratitude in abundance.  But sometimes, I forget and am forgotten.

I hope that I remember to hold my children as often as I can and tell them how much I love them.  I say I love you when I feel it and do the best I can with everyone's agendas and needs from me.  Feel like a taxi driver most often.  I hope that I will always make the time to be a support to them in their lives with all of their expanding interests.  Mom's are supposed to be the biggest cheering section no matter what and I'm glad I get to have a chance to do that.  Thankyou goes a long way.  I hope that they will always remember that I am here for them.

I hope that my husband knows how important he is to me.  I hope he knows that I see all the wonderful things he does for me and I hope that I have also done the same for him.  It's such a excellent feeling to surprise your spouse with their favorite dinner, or movie, or even a night out that they weren't expecting but desperately needed.  Alone time even just for a simple 5 minute conversation can be excruciatingly hard to find.  I try to hug and kiss him as often as I have time to.  Even just curling up on the couch once in a while    ( rare for us) is awesome.  It scares me to think that he might be thinking he is inadequate for me.  I try not to be "lazy" about our relationship.  Take it for granted.  I never want that to happen.  He says he could happily become a hermit but I don't think I could.

All I can control in my life, is me.  I have tried for years to be the kind of person that even I would want to be around.  Look at all the time I have to spend with me right?  I keep thinking maybe I'm not doing enough though.  I always think that, it's like a mantra.  Every day I wake up and think how I can improve something, especially me.  It's hard sometimes when you fall short of your own expectations of yourself.  That word, failure, I hate that word and yet I never seem to find another to describe how I feel.  I've tried my whole life to be what everyone wants me to be and could never seem to please them.  But I never stopped trying.  I don't know how to stop trying.  Now that would really be letting myself down!