The Awkward Moments of a Cold

Last week on and off again I kept getting dizzy.  More like vertigo.  I've had it before, pretty severely, when my iron gets too low and my hemoglobin and oxygen intake pretty much suck.  So naturally that's my first reaction but after fixing that or helping it along I didn't feel much better.  The number two culprit in the past for me having vertigo is sinusitis which I am prone to whenever there are allergies or too much dry air or even a virus of some kind that I've come into contact with.  Triggers it right up and I get dizzy and when I get dizzy I get nauseated.  But with a few days of a humidifier running it seemed to go away.  A couple of days ago I woke up with an extremely dry throat so naturally I'm assuming, oh I must have been snoring and thinking I sure have felt tired the past couple of days.  Hope I'm not coming down with something.  FAMOUS LAST WORDS!

While all of this is going on I am acting as though I'm just fine.  All day long playing with baby girl and tidying the house.  Preparing dinners, keeping up with kids schedules.  Coaching girls basketball, fulfilling church assignments, trying to find ways to improve my home, making sure everyone is healthy and happy and trying to help various friends with various tasks or ailments of their own.  Even if that means a short phone call just to see how they are.  I actually put that on my calendar when I know someone isn't feeling well just to cheer them up, I hope.  But yesterday morning was my body's final straw with me I'm afraid.

I stood up tripping over my own feet all the way to the bathroom which is a whole whopping 7 steps away, that was fun.  I must have grabbed the wall at least 3 times with my nails digging in to keep me upright.  Then I swallowed.  Justin Bieber that hurts!  It burns!  It aches!  It wants to choke me and kill me so I never swallow again and to be honest I'm agreeing with it.  And my head!  All of the sudden my forehead is crying foul and starts to throb and if that wasn't enough it got my temples to pitch in and gang up on me.  For the record, no I hadn't been drinking this was just plain ole cold virus wishing me a good morning and then pointing and squealing with laughter at me.  Stupid cold virus.

So what do I do?  I think to myself, holy crap I'm dying it's finally happening my body has decided to reject me permanently once and for all.  Every inch of me is aching and yelling at me like I had something to do with it.  Then I remember, I have a meeting, and then another meeting, and then another meeting.  All important.  I keep having this feeling I neeeeeeeed to be there so I look myself in the mirror and have a little conversation with myself, in my head of course cause that would just be weird, and I say, "You're too busy to be sick, you still have a couple of things you need to go over in preparation, you look pale and your eyes are have black circles and if you swallow again with that kind of pain I will kill you myself but we're gonna gargle and take an aspirin and pretend none of this is even happening!"  My body's reply, "Screw you lady I'm going back to bed!" of course I got dizzy.  Never fainted but point taken.

I got dressed, did all the things in preparation that I needed to finish and then I get the most wonderful phone call in the world.  All you mom's out there who are always so busy that getting sick just isn't an option you understand how wonderful it is to get a phone to tell you that everything has been cancelled and you can stay home today.  Cue Hallelujah Chorus.

Me and my coughing, phlemy, headaching, throat trying to strangle me into submission self take off all my dress up clothes and put on a robe immediately followed by grabbing a bottle of water, some tissue, a trash can, a pillow and the remote and plant myself on my couch warning everyone in my family, nobody touch me or I'll lick your donuts and your cereal spoons.  The most blissful words to my ears when I'm sick is take some time to rest.

My throat is still at war with me and my eyelids feel like they are permanently drooping and when I sneeze I could drown an anthill.  My body still aches everywhere(who put muscles there!) and when I talk on the phone I sound like I have large man's low scratchy voice.  I cancelled my doctor's appointment BECAUSE I was too sick.  I feel like an old dirty sock.  My sweet baby girl keeps trying to 'take care of me' bring me soda pop, tissues when I sneeze saying bless you Mom, giving me lots of hugs but no kisses cause she doesn't want to get sick.  She's two and literally put her hand up to my lips, "I no sick Mom".  How adorable is that?  Is it wrong to think this is worth the cold?

Common Cold

Go hang yourself, you old M.D.!
You shall not sneer at me.
Pick up your hat and stethoscope,
Go wash your mouth with laundry soap;
I contemplate a joy exquisite
I'm not paying you for your visit.
I did not call you to be told
My malady is a common cold.

By pounding brow and swollen lip;
By fever's hot and scaly grip;
By those two red redundant eyes
That weep like woeful April skies;
By racking snuffle, snort, and sniff;
By handkerchief after handkerchief;
This cold you wave away as naught
Is the damnedest cold man ever caught!

Give ear, you scientific fossil!
Here is the genuine Cold Colossal;
The Cold of which researchers dream,
The Perfect Cold, the Cold Supreme.
This honored system humbly holds
The Super-cold to end all colds;
The Cold Crusading for Democracy;
The Führer of the Streptococcracy.

Bacilli swarm within my portals
Such as were ne'er conceived by mortals,
But bred by scientists wise and hoary
In some Olympic laboratory;
Bacteria as large as mice,
With feet of fire and heads of ice
Who never interrupt for slumber
Their stamping elephantine rumba.

A common cold, gadzooks, forsooth!
Ah, yes. And Lincoln was jostled by Booth;
Don Juan was a budding gallant,
And Shakespeare's plays show signs of talent;
The Arctic winter is fairly coolish,
And your diagnosis is fairly foolish.
Oh what a derision history holds
For the man who belittled the Cold of Colds! 

Ogden Nash