I love this time of year, would be better with snow but I'll take it! We finally got our tree the smell throughout our home is incredible. Every year when we get a Christmas tree my mind can't help but wander to my own childhood experiences with it. The smell really takes me back. It used to be covered in those big bulb colored lights you had to clip on the branches. Lots of threaded ornaments that would shimmer in the light and not break ( big plus with kids ), and tinseled carefully by my mom who most Christmases would not allow us to help because we might clump the tinsel and then she'd just have to fix it anyways.
Funnily enough this year hubby and I decided that we would string up the lights together and then I would decorate the tree so he didn't have to hear "your other left" when the kids were putting on ornaments and it seems no matter what you say to them they only decorate one branch lol. Sound familiar Mom? So everyone has their own special ornaments for the Christmas Tree and we though this year Mom would do the 'background decorating' and altogether as a family we would put on our own special ornaments together and then dress the tree with garlands. Our tree is a beautiful Spruce just plush and green and full. Once again it's the smell that's really awesome. Love it!
Now I have all these gifts to wrap and help the kids wrap this week, not that I mind. I really love the pretty paper, yes I said pretty. I'm tough but I'm still a girl you know ( sticks tongue out ). I already helped our 2 year old wrap her presents to her brother and sister. She was thrilled and delighted to put on the tape for Mom. Of course being that she's 2 there are extra pieces of tape here and there but it just adds to the charm don't you think? She put on the green bows by herself which was a very big deal to her. They are beautifully wrapped gifts even for a 2 yr old.
What I'm really enjoying this year is the sparkle in her eyes. She's finally old enough to get that feeling of excitement about the magic of Christmas. She talks about Santa and Jesus coming to visit her and bring her presents and play with toys with her. It's so adorable. I'm really excited to take her out to look at all the lights around the neighborhood this week. We have spotted a huge Santa a few blocks away that will thrill her toes and I can hear the happy squeals now.
The baking for the season is nearly done, unfortunately I didn't get as much help in that department as I had hoped due to a lack of confidence. Not laziness. My kids lack confidence in helping me thinking that they will mess it all up. I have assured them that with me standing there that's pretty hard to do and I think this is based on them both entering the kitchen last week to bake for themselves. Our son baked an apple spice cake for the first time and it turned out beautifully. He was very attentive to everything I said but I not once stepped foot into the kitchen I wanted him to do this on his own. He asked several questions checking the whole time and worried over nothing. Our daughter was very confident in her baking abilities having taken homeec classes and she was baking mint chocolate chip cookies. One problem. She put all of the ingredients into a small mixing bowl instead of a large one, I helped her fix that, but she didn't add the right amount of flour to the batter and they all came out more like candy than cookies. Overconfidence had caused her to lose her caution when she was following the recipe and it didn't turn out how she'd planned.
Sounds more like a life lesson to me. Funny how the simple things in life can teach you the biggest things you need to learn. Patience and tender care give us the opportunity to see little mistakes and correct them quickly, whereas rushing and overconfidence have the opposite effect and we can end up in a miserable situation that is hard to correct or something that cannot be fixed at all.
I'm very grateful for this season and for the Savior's birth. I am grateful that our family has survived yet another crazy year and I'm grateful that I've had the opportunity to share my own personal growth out of hardships with all of you this past year. Thankyou for your comments and your support it really means so much to me. Merry Christmas!
Monday, December 17, 2012
Wednesday, December 12, 2012
Fighter
I have been dealing with so many health issues this past year it makes me nauseous to think about it. After completely harming my thyroid with radioactive iodine to slow it down I have gained almost 40 lbs. That's a lot, more than I gained when I was pregnant. It hasn't been easy to adjust to, I don't like having it, I hate that I'm hypothyroid and that it's next to impossible to get rid of. My biggest challenge is how to get rid of it without harmful side effects.
Because of the level of stress and busy daily life I have I started jogging again. There were only ever a few things that ever made me truly happy and jogging is one of them. Very freeing. I have to make the time which I have been and enjoying every minute, I almost get upset if I have to miss a day that endorphin rush is addictive. But being a homemaker means my kids take my priority over anything else, and since we've all been sick at one time or another over the course of the last few weeks my house has taken a back burner and we are only now getting back to the routine of things. Funnily enough, just before Christmas Break. Typical timing for us I assure you.
In the last year, along with health issues adding up with hypothyroid at the helm and taking me for a ride I'd like to get off of ( next stop please ),I have had two anxiety attacks. All sweaty, couldn't breathe, and sheer panic. The first one I didn't recognize what it was. It was over a conversation that left me scared and I saw my happy stable life get nudged and almost derail. It was something I was surprised to hear, having some idea but it's almost like someone showing you a piece of the black hole behind a door and suddenly the doors are swung open so you can see the true vastness of what's really going on. I couldn't breathe. I couldn't even cry, I just sat there gasping for air for a about 10 minutes until my lips went numb and all I kept trying to do was long steady breaths.
My second one was much worse and over something completely different. No one told me that the radiation from the iodine would cause me to lose as much hair as I did. I went from breaking elastics thick and curly to wrapping the elastics 6 or 7 times in one ponytail. I could even feel in the back where it was thinning the most and felt like Mr Clean's wife. My heart raced, I couldn't breath, and I was sweating. I just kept............freaking out. I couldn't stop it took forever to calm myself down. Know what it was that calmed me? My husband knelt down and gave me a hug, and everything came flooding out. Tears and snot all over his poor shoulder. But it was nice to get the emotion of what has been going on with me out, all of it. I can't begin to explain how angry and hurt I was at losing so much of my hair. It's my best feature, long curly hair. And it was breaking off, thinning out, and all that was left was the noticeable 40 lbs I've gained. I was scared to leave the house and never took my hair out of a ponytail for months.
I finally went to a local hairdresser and I was scared that she would judge me or tell me all the things I'm doing wrong. I think they're trained to do that in part because they need to sell product. But I was very sensitive and it was my 14 year old daughter that held my hand. She took me to Great Clips nearby and told me they were very kind and they would never do that to me. I trusted her. Not only was this hairdresser patient and kind with me, but she put notes on the computer about my health condition so that anyone else who might get me would know what's been going on so I don't have to explain it again and they won't be rude about it. I'm grateful for such a simple kindness. There's no way she knew my reaction just 2 weeks beforehand.
I feel like I'm fighting for my right to live my life, my way all the time now. It's a constant battle of emotional ups and downs, physical pain ( almost every single day ), and daily stress to still be the kind of Mother and Wife I need to be not only for my family, but for me. I don't pray as often as I should lately because I think deep down I'm afraid to ask once again for help on the same subject that I've been begging for help all along. I mean how much can He really stand of me asking the same things. I know I should think of another question to ask but I was always taught that what's important to me is important to Him also. I just need to accept his timing on the matter. Patience with Him and with myself.
I can't just sit here and stop trying though. I can't. Even when I pull a muscle or can barely stand because I've only had 12 hours of sleep in 4 days I can't bring myself to stop. I don't want to. I want to fight. I want to endure to keep going. I want to improve and to learn and to grow. Is that too much to ask?
Because of the level of stress and busy daily life I have I started jogging again. There were only ever a few things that ever made me truly happy and jogging is one of them. Very freeing. I have to make the time which I have been and enjoying every minute, I almost get upset if I have to miss a day that endorphin rush is addictive. But being a homemaker means my kids take my priority over anything else, and since we've all been sick at one time or another over the course of the last few weeks my house has taken a back burner and we are only now getting back to the routine of things. Funnily enough, just before Christmas Break. Typical timing for us I assure you.
In the last year, along with health issues adding up with hypothyroid at the helm and taking me for a ride I'd like to get off of ( next stop please ),I have had two anxiety attacks. All sweaty, couldn't breathe, and sheer panic. The first one I didn't recognize what it was. It was over a conversation that left me scared and I saw my happy stable life get nudged and almost derail. It was something I was surprised to hear, having some idea but it's almost like someone showing you a piece of the black hole behind a door and suddenly the doors are swung open so you can see the true vastness of what's really going on. I couldn't breathe. I couldn't even cry, I just sat there gasping for air for a about 10 minutes until my lips went numb and all I kept trying to do was long steady breaths.
My second one was much worse and over something completely different. No one told me that the radiation from the iodine would cause me to lose as much hair as I did. I went from breaking elastics thick and curly to wrapping the elastics 6 or 7 times in one ponytail. I could even feel in the back where it was thinning the most and felt like Mr Clean's wife. My heart raced, I couldn't breath, and I was sweating. I just kept............freaking out. I couldn't stop it took forever to calm myself down. Know what it was that calmed me? My husband knelt down and gave me a hug, and everything came flooding out. Tears and snot all over his poor shoulder. But it was nice to get the emotion of what has been going on with me out, all of it. I can't begin to explain how angry and hurt I was at losing so much of my hair. It's my best feature, long curly hair. And it was breaking off, thinning out, and all that was left was the noticeable 40 lbs I've gained. I was scared to leave the house and never took my hair out of a ponytail for months.
I finally went to a local hairdresser and I was scared that she would judge me or tell me all the things I'm doing wrong. I think they're trained to do that in part because they need to sell product. But I was very sensitive and it was my 14 year old daughter that held my hand. She took me to Great Clips nearby and told me they were very kind and they would never do that to me. I trusted her. Not only was this hairdresser patient and kind with me, but she put notes on the computer about my health condition so that anyone else who might get me would know what's been going on so I don't have to explain it again and they won't be rude about it. I'm grateful for such a simple kindness. There's no way she knew my reaction just 2 weeks beforehand.
I feel like I'm fighting for my right to live my life, my way all the time now. It's a constant battle of emotional ups and downs, physical pain ( almost every single day ), and daily stress to still be the kind of Mother and Wife I need to be not only for my family, but for me. I don't pray as often as I should lately because I think deep down I'm afraid to ask once again for help on the same subject that I've been begging for help all along. I mean how much can He really stand of me asking the same things. I know I should think of another question to ask but I was always taught that what's important to me is important to Him also. I just need to accept his timing on the matter. Patience with Him and with myself.
I can't just sit here and stop trying though. I can't. Even when I pull a muscle or can barely stand because I've only had 12 hours of sleep in 4 days I can't bring myself to stop. I don't want to. I want to fight. I want to endure to keep going. I want to improve and to learn and to grow. Is that too much to ask?
Tuesday, December 4, 2012
How to deal with a liar?
We've all been there. You are listening intently to someone speaking to you about something that happened whether it was to them or to someone they know and I understand the embellishing thing I ignore that, but how uncomfortable is it when you know for a fact it's a lie! Sooooo awkward! I have had plenty of experiences with people telling me tall tales and there's always that point in the story where something strikes you and you're like waaaait a minute. Sometimes you just want to yell out are you kidding me right now with this? Seriously? Or at the very least put a large sock on their head and move onto another conversation.
It gets worse. What do you do when the lie is on a very important issue that could affect millions of lives? I actually tried to say well that's just not true but they continued on and on with the issue and started spewing out about 10 different places I could check it. If you know me, you know I do so if you're lying it's just plain faster to say so I'll laugh and we can move on. I went to these so called 10 different places and found not one thing similar on the matter. In fact, I myself was incorrect albeit more accurate about the matter when I was discussing it with them. I will have no trouble saying I was wrong or correcting it, it's too important. But if it isn't important to them why should they care what harm it causes. That actually makes me feel like a roller coaster going off the tracks in my stomach.
The question still remains. How do you deal with a liar? Especially when you love them, respect them. In some cases, pfft, in most cases I just let it go. But this particular subject it could cause a panic in a lot of the country over nothing. Heated arguments that are based on inaccuracy and, you got it, embellishments. C'mon media get a grip will ya? You are only supposed to report the reality and facts not let us know what you think. We don't really care what you think, we care what we think. As the old saying goes when we want your opinion we'll give it to you. And keep Hollywood out of it! They represent less than 1% of the world's population so let's put that into perspective.
We live in a society that is seriously lacking in honesty and trust. When did that become okay? Why is it so scary to tell the truth? Who are you trying to impress and if it's someone you want around you long term are you prepared to have them refuse to trust you based on your beginning? What's the point? I will never forget the one lie I told my husband almost 3 years ago. It lasted about 3 hours. That's it. It felt completely horrible and awful to do that to him, to myself. No good could come of it and I decided it was better to suffer the consequences now than drag it out and suffer what could very well be a completely different and more severe set of consequences. I'm so glad that I came clean with him so swiftly, he was kind and caring about it with me and forgave me right away. Can we say phew glad that's over? Good thing the lights were dim I'm sure my face was purple!
In my own experiences in recent years I've learned that gossip is never worth your breath, lying is just a way to cheat yourself our of happiness, and betraying someone's trust is permanent. But that's me. That's what makes it so hard for me to understand why other people bother to be dishonest. Even the smallest of lies can cost you big time. Pull up your big girl or guy panties and be real for a change. You might even discover, as I have, that the truth is far too interesting to want to mess it up.
I need to find a one sentence deal that I can say to everyone that I know is lying to me that will stun them into thinking about why they bothered? That would be awesome! I prefer a stunned tongue to a lying one any day.
It gets worse. What do you do when the lie is on a very important issue that could affect millions of lives? I actually tried to say well that's just not true but they continued on and on with the issue and started spewing out about 10 different places I could check it. If you know me, you know I do so if you're lying it's just plain faster to say so I'll laugh and we can move on. I went to these so called 10 different places and found not one thing similar on the matter. In fact, I myself was incorrect albeit more accurate about the matter when I was discussing it with them. I will have no trouble saying I was wrong or correcting it, it's too important. But if it isn't important to them why should they care what harm it causes. That actually makes me feel like a roller coaster going off the tracks in my stomach.
The question still remains. How do you deal with a liar? Especially when you love them, respect them. In some cases, pfft, in most cases I just let it go. But this particular subject it could cause a panic in a lot of the country over nothing. Heated arguments that are based on inaccuracy and, you got it, embellishments. C'mon media get a grip will ya? You are only supposed to report the reality and facts not let us know what you think. We don't really care what you think, we care what we think. As the old saying goes when we want your opinion we'll give it to you. And keep Hollywood out of it! They represent less than 1% of the world's population so let's put that into perspective.
We live in a society that is seriously lacking in honesty and trust. When did that become okay? Why is it so scary to tell the truth? Who are you trying to impress and if it's someone you want around you long term are you prepared to have them refuse to trust you based on your beginning? What's the point? I will never forget the one lie I told my husband almost 3 years ago. It lasted about 3 hours. That's it. It felt completely horrible and awful to do that to him, to myself. No good could come of it and I decided it was better to suffer the consequences now than drag it out and suffer what could very well be a completely different and more severe set of consequences. I'm so glad that I came clean with him so swiftly, he was kind and caring about it with me and forgave me right away. Can we say phew glad that's over? Good thing the lights were dim I'm sure my face was purple!
In my own experiences in recent years I've learned that gossip is never worth your breath, lying is just a way to cheat yourself our of happiness, and betraying someone's trust is permanent. But that's me. That's what makes it so hard for me to understand why other people bother to be dishonest. Even the smallest of lies can cost you big time. Pull up your big girl or guy panties and be real for a change. You might even discover, as I have, that the truth is far too interesting to want to mess it up.
I need to find a one sentence deal that I can say to everyone that I know is lying to me that will stun them into thinking about why they bothered? That would be awesome! I prefer a stunned tongue to a lying one any day.
Monday, December 3, 2012
Jogging....sort of
So I jog/walked a couple of times on my treadmill before Thanksgiving until one of my shoes went missing. Just like Daddy's keys and Big Sister's mp3 player. I swear our 2 year old has a hoard somewhere we just have to figure out where. We found a chocolate hoard that she had of her Halloween candy and other chocolate in the fold up mattress in the hall closet upstairs. Oh yeah she opens doors with ease now and that closet door doesn't shut all the way it's broken, thus the easy access.
On Black Friday I found a good deal on some New Balance shoes that I really liked and feel oh so comfortable so since then I have taken up jog/walking again. Now you'd think I'd be sore, or even complain saying, 'How'd I get so old?!' but I'm not. I actually feel invigorated and more motivated to continue. I loved to run in High School, I love doing it now, maybe even more so. I just needed to find that window of opportunity to have time to do it! Took forever to find the time!
About a month ago I started paying attention to two things. One, when I had the most energy or was the most bored. Two, when there might be a window where baby girl is napping and the kids are here to help me out. Last week I found my window. About 3pm I get this boost and from what I hear that's the opposite of most people who crash around then. Because I'm up so early in the morning my crash is more around noon-1pm. My son gets home from school before 4pm and most days that's when baby is down for her nap.
It's totally paying off for me. I just love jogging even though I want to take it slow, thinking oh this is going to hurt, but it doesn't. Still really enjoying it and making sure I listen to my body when it says 'ok out of breath walk for a bit please I cannot believe you're making me do this all over again'. I have such a specific goal in mind and if it takes the rest of my life to get there, that's ok with me.
In the meantime, GET OFF THE COUCH!
On Black Friday I found a good deal on some New Balance shoes that I really liked and feel oh so comfortable so since then I have taken up jog/walking again. Now you'd think I'd be sore, or even complain saying, 'How'd I get so old?!' but I'm not. I actually feel invigorated and more motivated to continue. I loved to run in High School, I love doing it now, maybe even more so. I just needed to find that window of opportunity to have time to do it! Took forever to find the time!
About a month ago I started paying attention to two things. One, when I had the most energy or was the most bored. Two, when there might be a window where baby girl is napping and the kids are here to help me out. Last week I found my window. About 3pm I get this boost and from what I hear that's the opposite of most people who crash around then. Because I'm up so early in the morning my crash is more around noon-1pm. My son gets home from school before 4pm and most days that's when baby is down for her nap.
It's totally paying off for me. I just love jogging even though I want to take it slow, thinking oh this is going to hurt, but it doesn't. Still really enjoying it and making sure I listen to my body when it says 'ok out of breath walk for a bit please I cannot believe you're making me do this all over again'. I have such a specific goal in mind and if it takes the rest of my life to get there, that's ok with me.
In the meantime, GET OFF THE COUCH!
Thursday, November 29, 2012
Thanksgiving Dinner
I had a wonderful Thanksgiving this year. After Halloween and son's birthday and all of the sudden it was Thanksgiving I pulled up my big girl granny panties and said ok that's enough! Felt good ta say. I planned out my Thanksgiving menu on Tuesday and went shopping when we came home I wrote down all the things we forgot because we do that alllll the time. In some cases we will keep forgetting for days on end and finally just say ahhh forget it! On Wednesday I decided it was a good day to make Pumpkin Pie, Caramel Apple Pie, Corn Pudding, Broccoli Casserole and groove to some classic rock all nice n loud while I danced around in my kitchen. Put me in the BEST mood. I even warned my kids I'm in a really good mood right now you wreck it and you will get alllllllllllllll the frustration aimed at YOU. They didn't even complain about my music. Ahhhh. Popped pizza in the oven for company, who I found out later on Thursday when they came back over for pie that they had been to 4 houses eating all day long. I'd die.
Thursday morning was great I had already baked Banana Muffins for breakfast. Helped with cleaning the house. Hubby not working so everyone was home. Turned on some modern tunes this time and started cooking again. Made skillet cornbread, bread stuffing, and readied a chicken. You heard me right, a chicken. I save Turkey for Christmas I refuse to change my own traditions because some people call it turkey day and that's the way it is lol. I made mashed potatoes with sour cream, dijjon mustard and crumbled bacon and then made some spicy cranberries ( you HAVE to try the cranberry recipe it was sooooo good). The chicken was juicy and tender, all the sides complimented each other and none of us got through our plates. Partially because we had some homemade artichoke and spinach dip with some tortilla chips beforehand while we were playing a game and waiting for everything to cook up nice. It was sooooo good. Probably why we couldn't fit more Thanksgiving dinner in but who cares I live here the leftovers go in the fridge and heat up nice when you want them again.
The roasted chicken, spicy cranberries, and corn pudding were by far my favorites! I don't really think I had much more than that on my plate the next day. My stomach hurt the whole weekend! In part because I had just got over the flu. ( not a good time to stuff yourself I assure you) The Caramel Apple pie with homemade caramel sauce was divine. I found an easy and fantastic pie recipe last year that I would die if I lost it's so amazing.
What impressed me most, was what everyone said they were thankful for, and what they were least thankful for. No one said they were thankful for my mp3 player or cable or even video games. They said family and good friends that support them, employment that they enjoy, and I was thankful for the two days of calm and truly happy enjoyment I had had creating the Thanksgiving meal and dancing around to my tunes. Our least thankful was for contention in the home, forgetfulness, and not enough time to spend with each other.
I'm aiming for that same happy dancy self feeling all December long. Where I was in a really good don't pop my bubble or I'll smack you mood. I don't want to spend a lot of money, because we have everything we need, except a new car we're saving up for that one. I don't want to plan a thing except Christmas Eve treats and Christmas Day dinner WITH turkey. I plan on baking every day in December to share with family and friends throughout the month so I don't feel like I have to do everything all at once. Yes I said every day so easy to just double a recipe and hand em out. And I don't just bake cookies at Christmas we're talking simple as Rice Krispie squares or complicated as Turtle Pie. Mmmmm Turtle Pie.(sorry Homer Simpson moment) I truly want to feel the calm sweet peaceful feeling that Christmas is meant to have. Considering the reason for the season, whom I love deeply and honor and respect with all of my heart, Jesus Christ being the peaceful example that He was and is I look forward to every minute of celebrating His life with loved ones. I hope you can do the same and enjoy your Holidays with friends and family and take a break from the rush of this world.
Thursday morning was great I had already baked Banana Muffins for breakfast. Helped with cleaning the house. Hubby not working so everyone was home. Turned on some modern tunes this time and started cooking again. Made skillet cornbread, bread stuffing, and readied a chicken. You heard me right, a chicken. I save Turkey for Christmas I refuse to change my own traditions because some people call it turkey day and that's the way it is lol. I made mashed potatoes with sour cream, dijjon mustard and crumbled bacon and then made some spicy cranberries ( you HAVE to try the cranberry recipe it was sooooo good). The chicken was juicy and tender, all the sides complimented each other and none of us got through our plates. Partially because we had some homemade artichoke and spinach dip with some tortilla chips beforehand while we were playing a game and waiting for everything to cook up nice. It was sooooo good. Probably why we couldn't fit more Thanksgiving dinner in but who cares I live here the leftovers go in the fridge and heat up nice when you want them again.
The roasted chicken, spicy cranberries, and corn pudding were by far my favorites! I don't really think I had much more than that on my plate the next day. My stomach hurt the whole weekend! In part because I had just got over the flu. ( not a good time to stuff yourself I assure you) The Caramel Apple pie with homemade caramel sauce was divine. I found an easy and fantastic pie recipe last year that I would die if I lost it's so amazing.
What impressed me most, was what everyone said they were thankful for, and what they were least thankful for. No one said they were thankful for my mp3 player or cable or even video games. They said family and good friends that support them, employment that they enjoy, and I was thankful for the two days of calm and truly happy enjoyment I had had creating the Thanksgiving meal and dancing around to my tunes. Our least thankful was for contention in the home, forgetfulness, and not enough time to spend with each other.
I'm aiming for that same happy dancy self feeling all December long. Where I was in a really good don't pop my bubble or I'll smack you mood. I don't want to spend a lot of money, because we have everything we need, except a new car we're saving up for that one. I don't want to plan a thing except Christmas Eve treats and Christmas Day dinner WITH turkey. I plan on baking every day in December to share with family and friends throughout the month so I don't feel like I have to do everything all at once. Yes I said every day so easy to just double a recipe and hand em out. And I don't just bake cookies at Christmas we're talking simple as Rice Krispie squares or complicated as Turtle Pie. Mmmmm Turtle Pie.(sorry Homer Simpson moment) I truly want to feel the calm sweet peaceful feeling that Christmas is meant to have. Considering the reason for the season, whom I love deeply and honor and respect with all of my heart, Jesus Christ being the peaceful example that He was and is I look forward to every minute of celebrating His life with loved ones. I hope you can do the same and enjoy your Holidays with friends and family and take a break from the rush of this world.
Monday, November 19, 2012
Where does the time go?
What do you mean it's almost Thanksgiving??!! I just barely got back from summer vacation and sent my kids off to school. It was weird how Halloween came so early. I don't remember it being in September. Wait, what? It's November??? How is that possible? That means Christmas will be here in a couple of weeks and before I can blink it will be 2013! Seriously?
No really. That's exactly how I feel. Forget fall. The department stores around here were gearing up for Christmas before the leaves started to fall off the trees. I'm sure that had so many people confused. I hear there was a drug store in Canada that was playing Christmas music in their stores before Halloween and were asked to please turn it off. Got that right! Commercialism at it's um finest? I'm not so sure that was the way to go. Although I understand why.
Because the economy has been hit so hard and doesn't seem to be making much of a recovery many large stores geared up early for a reason. It's a simple and logical reason actually. Layaway. They caught on that maybe just maybe all of us North Americans might be struggling with our finances and in order to increase sales, not just on holidays, more stores than ever are offering layaway. Some with a percentage to store partially purchased items on a shelf in the back like a "save for later" button. Some stores offer it absolutely free. The idea that you really can afford that new washer and dryer for your wife just set it aside in July and take your time making monthly payments until Christmas. Genius really. It's a great way for stores to boost their own economies with a concept that doesn't detour shoppers. It invites them.
One big humungo problem though. It's also causing them to 'put things out' early so you know what you want to layaway. I admit, bugs me to no end. I feel like one of the workers on Black Friday that get told they have to work on Thanksgiving to get a 'head start'. Thanksgiving is Thanksgiving people Friday is the NEXT DAY! Calling it Black Friday shopping on a Thursday night is just plain wrong I disagree with these stores and think they are going to end up with no employees at all. Kind of like shopping for Christmas. I feel the same way can I just enjoy Thanksgiving first and theeeennn worry about Christmas? Sheesh.
There is a flipside though for all those workers who so willingly cry out strike. Hostess is no more. No more Twinkies. The company got so fed up with workers constantly striking for more money that the company didn't have that Hostess finally said you know what? We're done. 18,000 greedy workers are now unemployed and add to the already huge strain on the economy. You know who has to pay for them to live now? Tax payers. The government. Losing full time jobs like that with benefits in a stable company isn't exactly a smart move on the part of the workers. Beware unions who unite out of gimme this and I want that instead of I'm okay right now or can I please just have a little more of this. Other companies will soon follow suit and choose to keep their money and retire comfortably while you end up on the street looking for work. The world doesn't owe you anything. You work for a boss and live by their rules like everybody else. It won't kill you. Unemployment will.
See, I don't think it's just a country divided. I believe it is a world divided. Patience and honesty has flown the coop. We are now in a society that says you have to say everything a certain way, you aren't allowed to be religious in a claiming religious freedom world, and greed and dishonesty are the only way to get ahead. If you have it keep it and steal some more right? I guess I'm used to that world now I've been in it so long and I hope for the future leaders of the world to be better and kinder and more responsible. I hope our children are never afraid to have a voice and stand up for right no matter what. World can't change unless we do. I for one will never give up. I fought so hard to be born to this world what on earth would I give it up for now?
All I ask is that the world stop turning quite so quickly. Even running full speed I feel like I'm falling behind. It's almost comical really. Can you just picture my chubby legs running full speed while I laugh my head off at the stupidity at the state of this world?
No really. That's exactly how I feel. Forget fall. The department stores around here were gearing up for Christmas before the leaves started to fall off the trees. I'm sure that had so many people confused. I hear there was a drug store in Canada that was playing Christmas music in their stores before Halloween and were asked to please turn it off. Got that right! Commercialism at it's um finest? I'm not so sure that was the way to go. Although I understand why.
Because the economy has been hit so hard and doesn't seem to be making much of a recovery many large stores geared up early for a reason. It's a simple and logical reason actually. Layaway. They caught on that maybe just maybe all of us North Americans might be struggling with our finances and in order to increase sales, not just on holidays, more stores than ever are offering layaway. Some with a percentage to store partially purchased items on a shelf in the back like a "save for later" button. Some stores offer it absolutely free. The idea that you really can afford that new washer and dryer for your wife just set it aside in July and take your time making monthly payments until Christmas. Genius really. It's a great way for stores to boost their own economies with a concept that doesn't detour shoppers. It invites them.
One big humungo problem though. It's also causing them to 'put things out' early so you know what you want to layaway. I admit, bugs me to no end. I feel like one of the workers on Black Friday that get told they have to work on Thanksgiving to get a 'head start'. Thanksgiving is Thanksgiving people Friday is the NEXT DAY! Calling it Black Friday shopping on a Thursday night is just plain wrong I disagree with these stores and think they are going to end up with no employees at all. Kind of like shopping for Christmas. I feel the same way can I just enjoy Thanksgiving first and theeeennn worry about Christmas? Sheesh.
There is a flipside though for all those workers who so willingly cry out strike. Hostess is no more. No more Twinkies. The company got so fed up with workers constantly striking for more money that the company didn't have that Hostess finally said you know what? We're done. 18,000 greedy workers are now unemployed and add to the already huge strain on the economy. You know who has to pay for them to live now? Tax payers. The government. Losing full time jobs like that with benefits in a stable company isn't exactly a smart move on the part of the workers. Beware unions who unite out of gimme this and I want that instead of I'm okay right now or can I please just have a little more of this. Other companies will soon follow suit and choose to keep their money and retire comfortably while you end up on the street looking for work. The world doesn't owe you anything. You work for a boss and live by their rules like everybody else. It won't kill you. Unemployment will.
See, I don't think it's just a country divided. I believe it is a world divided. Patience and honesty has flown the coop. We are now in a society that says you have to say everything a certain way, you aren't allowed to be religious in a claiming religious freedom world, and greed and dishonesty are the only way to get ahead. If you have it keep it and steal some more right? I guess I'm used to that world now I've been in it so long and I hope for the future leaders of the world to be better and kinder and more responsible. I hope our children are never afraid to have a voice and stand up for right no matter what. World can't change unless we do. I for one will never give up. I fought so hard to be born to this world what on earth would I give it up for now?
All I ask is that the world stop turning quite so quickly. Even running full speed I feel like I'm falling behind. It's almost comical really. Can you just picture my chubby legs running full speed while I laugh my head off at the stupidity at the state of this world?
Monday, November 12, 2012
Are you happy?
Are you happy? Seems like such a silly and yet a loaded question at the same time. Someone will respond of course I am why wouldn't I be? Some others will say wow, am I happy? I was asked this question a while ago and before then never really gave it much thought. I mean I smile most of the time, I love my family and friends. I feel like I can breathe most of the time and when I stress out I have jogging, a punching bag, yoga, etc to help me out with that. But the older I get the harder it is to answer that question.
I usually take the approach that I have a roof over my head, food in the fridge, kids are doing well in school, business is busy for hubby, baby is happy and healthy. So therefore I'm happy. Over the course of the past few weeks I keep contemplating it. How important is that question when I ask it to my family? Would I want my children to do whatever makes them happiest in life regardless of my opinion on the matter? Would I be okay saying it's their life let them do what they want or would I needlessly worry that it isn't turning out like I had dreamed and hoped for them? Would I be offended at all if they didn't live a life that I have spent my life teaching to them is the best approach? See what I mean? Loaded question.
My heart has a very simple answer to all of the questions above concerning my children. Yes. Yes I would want them to be the happiest they can be, enjoying their lives. Even if it goes against my grain, when they are adults I will worry less if they are truly happy. Do my parents do that? Is that the same answer they would give? I wonder.
I love reading a good book in a bubble bath with no kids beating on the door or wrecking the house while I'm in there. I love to sing. I love to dance. I love playing silly board and card games. I love to laugh. I love walking in the autumn colors and I love to run. I love playing in the snow and freezing my fingers and toes. (No, not because I'm Canadian as if) I love the rush I feel skiing almost out of control. Sometimes I get all caught up in the not knowing of things and enjoy the anticipation like Christmas and Birthdays etc. I love to give. Giving and helping are my biggest rewards. Not picked on all the time use me like a doormat but you have a project you need help finishing or you need a night out with the girls or you need a date with your hubby, although now I send them my daughter to babysit lol. I love feeling like I've made a difference or inspired someone's life in some way. I love crafts like quilting and cross stitching I wish I had more time for those. I love spending one on one time with my husband where we can get into deep conversation or even just goof off together just to be alone with each other is wonderful. (especially when you have kids) I love hearing kids laughing and playing. A cleaner more organized house would make me happy but with small kids I will learn to be patient lol. There are a lot of things that make me happy in this world and in this life.
What makes you happy?
I usually take the approach that I have a roof over my head, food in the fridge, kids are doing well in school, business is busy for hubby, baby is happy and healthy. So therefore I'm happy. Over the course of the past few weeks I keep contemplating it. How important is that question when I ask it to my family? Would I want my children to do whatever makes them happiest in life regardless of my opinion on the matter? Would I be okay saying it's their life let them do what they want or would I needlessly worry that it isn't turning out like I had dreamed and hoped for them? Would I be offended at all if they didn't live a life that I have spent my life teaching to them is the best approach? See what I mean? Loaded question.
My heart has a very simple answer to all of the questions above concerning my children. Yes. Yes I would want them to be the happiest they can be, enjoying their lives. Even if it goes against my grain, when they are adults I will worry less if they are truly happy. Do my parents do that? Is that the same answer they would give? I wonder.
I love reading a good book in a bubble bath with no kids beating on the door or wrecking the house while I'm in there. I love to sing. I love to dance. I love playing silly board and card games. I love to laugh. I love walking in the autumn colors and I love to run. I love playing in the snow and freezing my fingers and toes. (No, not because I'm Canadian as if) I love the rush I feel skiing almost out of control. Sometimes I get all caught up in the not knowing of things and enjoy the anticipation like Christmas and Birthdays etc. I love to give. Giving and helping are my biggest rewards. Not picked on all the time use me like a doormat but you have a project you need help finishing or you need a night out with the girls or you need a date with your hubby, although now I send them my daughter to babysit lol. I love feeling like I've made a difference or inspired someone's life in some way. I love crafts like quilting and cross stitching I wish I had more time for those. I love spending one on one time with my husband where we can get into deep conversation or even just goof off together just to be alone with each other is wonderful. (especially when you have kids) I love hearing kids laughing and playing. A cleaner more organized house would make me happy but with small kids I will learn to be patient lol. There are a lot of things that make me happy in this world and in this life.
What makes you happy?
Wednesday, November 7, 2012
Post Election
All that anticipation and stress leading up to a federal election can really take it's toll on a gal. Phew! So many weird comments, vicious remarks, fact checking ( which I did myself also ), and commercials ( the horror!! ), I'm so glad that it's over. However, a new stress begins. Now that "Obamacare" is going to be put into effect, along with middle class tax hikes and gun control ( I'm not a Nazi Mr President ), we have as a result lost a lot of our financial freedoms. My husband is a physicist, a laser scientist. Not many people in the country could do that and yet as a result of obamacare and the penalty fees for anyone working over 30 hours without the company manditorily ( I know it's not a word but it is now lol )it does effect our own healthcare. We have had wonderful healthcare through Northrup Grumman but this new law is making it more unaffordable for them, not less, and as a result we aren't even sure what health care we can keep or even if they will keep everyone on full time salaries. That deeply affects our livelihood.
For some of you that don't understand I'll take a crack at it. There are thousands of companies here in the US that as a result of obamacare have been scrambling to hire as many part time employees as they can so they don't have pay a fine or offer healthcare to their employees for having more than 50 workers, it's far too costly to be forced to do that for most companies and the fine is $2,000 per employee. On top of that breadwinners who may work full time for some of these companies are in effect taking hour cuts aka pay cuts and it adds up to about 20% in salary loss for them. That's huge! Any single parent home or single income family will either need a really good education to be competitive and receive that, now honored, spot for a full time position or and this is more likely over the next coming years, they will need to work two jobs to make ends meet. So yes, in effect, Obama did create more jobs, just by forcing the same ones to take more than one and I won't even get into the DREAM ACT being a legal immigrant myself. Appalling!
The re-election of the President has made me take up jogging again because I am so stressed out with trying to go back to school and my husbands work being subject to all of these new issues and laws. Sounds like a good thing doesn't it. Was gonna take up jogging anyway but to relax. Now it's going to be just to remain on a livable level so I don't have a heart attack or worry too much about how to afford my new roof now or that new car we were saving up for. Not too excited about our future here in the US. We're not even sure at this point if either of us will ever be able to retire. Obama already spent our Social Security and that or our children, our children's children and our children's children's children and with his record Social Security will be nothing more than a way to keep tabs on you and your money will go straight into the Federal Government's pocket.
If, on the other hand, President Obama actually lives up to anything he said he'd do without casually leaving important facts out of his statements to the public, he did that a lot during his campaigns, then I won't have to worry now will I?
http://townhall.com/columnists/johnhawkins/2012/08/14/7_things_to_expect_if_obama_is_elected_to_a_second_term/page/full/
For some of you that don't understand I'll take a crack at it. There are thousands of companies here in the US that as a result of obamacare have been scrambling to hire as many part time employees as they can so they don't have pay a fine or offer healthcare to their employees for having more than 50 workers, it's far too costly to be forced to do that for most companies and the fine is $2,000 per employee. On top of that breadwinners who may work full time for some of these companies are in effect taking hour cuts aka pay cuts and it adds up to about 20% in salary loss for them. That's huge! Any single parent home or single income family will either need a really good education to be competitive and receive that, now honored, spot for a full time position or and this is more likely over the next coming years, they will need to work two jobs to make ends meet. So yes, in effect, Obama did create more jobs, just by forcing the same ones to take more than one and I won't even get into the DREAM ACT being a legal immigrant myself. Appalling!
The re-election of the President has made me take up jogging again because I am so stressed out with trying to go back to school and my husbands work being subject to all of these new issues and laws. Sounds like a good thing doesn't it. Was gonna take up jogging anyway but to relax. Now it's going to be just to remain on a livable level so I don't have a heart attack or worry too much about how to afford my new roof now or that new car we were saving up for. Not too excited about our future here in the US. We're not even sure at this point if either of us will ever be able to retire. Obama already spent our Social Security and that or our children, our children's children and our children's children's children and with his record Social Security will be nothing more than a way to keep tabs on you and your money will go straight into the Federal Government's pocket.
If, on the other hand, President Obama actually lives up to anything he said he'd do without casually leaving important facts out of his statements to the public, he did that a lot during his campaigns, then I won't have to worry now will I?
http://townhall.com/columnists/johnhawkins/2012/08/14/7_things_to_expect_if_obama_is_elected_to_a_second_term/page/full/
Thursday, November 1, 2012
Halloween
Usually at this time of year our family is well prepared with candy, treats and costumes. Decorations are put out at least a week ahead, pumpkins carved a couple of days beforehand and all the of costumes have been sorted out well in advance so that we don't feel rushed. This year however was very different.
For the first time, well ever, in the history of our family Halloween lost quite a bit of luster. We didn't have time to watch a scary movie or two or see any cute Halloween Disney cartoons to get us excited about it. We didn't really worry too much about costumes because no one really seemed to be in the mood. Our eldest son was the only one who didn't have a full plate and out of boredom put out the Halloween decorations for us and we used his birthday to carve pumpkins. This is the first year I haven't carved a pumpkin since I was a young age.
We finally convinced our 2 yr old to put on a costume and go trick or treating with us after quite a few kids had come to our door saying trick or treat wearing their own bright costumes and something hit me. When we, the adults, were children Halloween was exciting! You would create your own costume, not run out to a store to buy some light piece of material resembling what you wanted for way more money than you have ever spent in your life for a costume. Who can afford some of this overpriced crap when we have more important things to pay for! There's something about that. Creating your own. It allowed your imagination to run wild and when it all came together after weeks of working on it, usually because Mom was sewing most of it, you felt proud to wear it and show it off. To show off your own creation. No wonder our family is getting bored with the whole thing! There are no creative juices flowing everything is made for you and it isn't fun anymore as a result.
I remember loving to hand out candy as well. Creating my own costume and props and carving pumpkins to decorate the porch. One year we even made fake vomit in the kitchen. Was so awesome! We used apple cider vinegar so it frothed a little bit with a smell and people thought it was real. When you're a teenager there's nothing like freaking people out to see their reactions. I have always loved finding the pumpkin that came with a 'face ready to be carved' on it. Where just one look at it and you can see a creation just waiting to shine! Roasting the pumpkin seeds for a treat afterwards.
Even last year, our family was happy and excited for Halloween. We had dad on the roof with a giant spider attached to the fishing line scaring the older people and older kids giving them a laughing fright. We had a snake in the bushes that we attached to fishing line through the front door and would move it when people were approaching or leaving the house. We would get all dressed up in costumes we put together and take pictures in front of the house with our decorations and pumpkins lit up.
This year? Just too plain busy. Society has convinced everyone around them that if they don't rush and hurry they'll be left out. We used to be immune to that missing school and church things whenever we needed a break without a second thought. What's new? Guilt trips. There are more leaders in school and other places in our lives putting more pressure on us to be present for everything thinking it's only one night. Do you think that any of them ever stop and think that there is more to family life than one place to worry about or one night to worry about at a time? Do you think they take into account that we have others things to tend to as well including spending more time with our family to make sure everyone is doing ok? I wonder.
I care very much for my family's well being. I can take on a lot myself I actually love being busy.. But when everyone is busy in 7 different directions and there's only 4 of us that really have anything outside the house to worry about it's too much. How do you tell the world to breathe? Take it down a notch? Relax? Enjoy it a little? When you figure that out let me know.
For the first time, well ever, in the history of our family Halloween lost quite a bit of luster. We didn't have time to watch a scary movie or two or see any cute Halloween Disney cartoons to get us excited about it. We didn't really worry too much about costumes because no one really seemed to be in the mood. Our eldest son was the only one who didn't have a full plate and out of boredom put out the Halloween decorations for us and we used his birthday to carve pumpkins. This is the first year I haven't carved a pumpkin since I was a young age.
We finally convinced our 2 yr old to put on a costume and go trick or treating with us after quite a few kids had come to our door saying trick or treat wearing their own bright costumes and something hit me. When we, the adults, were children Halloween was exciting! You would create your own costume, not run out to a store to buy some light piece of material resembling what you wanted for way more money than you have ever spent in your life for a costume. Who can afford some of this overpriced crap when we have more important things to pay for! There's something about that. Creating your own. It allowed your imagination to run wild and when it all came together after weeks of working on it, usually because Mom was sewing most of it, you felt proud to wear it and show it off. To show off your own creation. No wonder our family is getting bored with the whole thing! There are no creative juices flowing everything is made for you and it isn't fun anymore as a result.
I remember loving to hand out candy as well. Creating my own costume and props and carving pumpkins to decorate the porch. One year we even made fake vomit in the kitchen. Was so awesome! We used apple cider vinegar so it frothed a little bit with a smell and people thought it was real. When you're a teenager there's nothing like freaking people out to see their reactions. I have always loved finding the pumpkin that came with a 'face ready to be carved' on it. Where just one look at it and you can see a creation just waiting to shine! Roasting the pumpkin seeds for a treat afterwards.
Even last year, our family was happy and excited for Halloween. We had dad on the roof with a giant spider attached to the fishing line scaring the older people and older kids giving them a laughing fright. We had a snake in the bushes that we attached to fishing line through the front door and would move it when people were approaching or leaving the house. We would get all dressed up in costumes we put together and take pictures in front of the house with our decorations and pumpkins lit up.
This year? Just too plain busy. Society has convinced everyone around them that if they don't rush and hurry they'll be left out. We used to be immune to that missing school and church things whenever we needed a break without a second thought. What's new? Guilt trips. There are more leaders in school and other places in our lives putting more pressure on us to be present for everything thinking it's only one night. Do you think that any of them ever stop and think that there is more to family life than one place to worry about or one night to worry about at a time? Do you think they take into account that we have others things to tend to as well including spending more time with our family to make sure everyone is doing ok? I wonder.
I care very much for my family's well being. I can take on a lot myself I actually love being busy.. But when everyone is busy in 7 different directions and there's only 4 of us that really have anything outside the house to worry about it's too much. How do you tell the world to breathe? Take it down a notch? Relax? Enjoy it a little? When you figure that out let me know.
Monday, October 29, 2012
'Control Freak'
I can totally admit to being a reformed control freak! When I was a single mother of two small children I was always on the offensive. Attack problems immediately and with great force so as to not have to 'deal with it later' or feel as though I'm being controlled in a world I am powerless in. Big mistaaaaaake. As a result I found myself not trusting anyone else's judgement in regards to my child's safety or well being at all. I hardly left a babysitter in charge because they were just going to ignore my kids and talk on the phone the whole time, unfortunately that did happen once broken glass all over my children's room from breaking Christmas lights they got into and they were starving so not cool. As for relationships, I would never walk in whole heartedly even if I knew them well. Always keeping one foot in the door to escape. Like I said, big mistake!
Here's where some of you having read the first paragraph wonder what's wrong with that I'm just protecting myself and my kids. Are you? Or are you simply projecting all of your fears from previous experiences onto your children? Are you really saying I'm just protecting my kids from what happened to me happening to them? Hard letting go. Very hard. However hard, it's also vital. You must let go of it, work through it out loud with those you trust who will listen without criticism, judgement, or even advice. You need a backboard to get this out of you so you can see what others around you who love you see. However big or small the problem is at the time.
It's a scary thought to take all the things that may have happened to you and project them onto your children. Those things may never come close to happening to them. When things do happen to them do you have a tendency to immediately draw from your own bad memories assuming it's the same for them? Please don't do that. They aren't you and see the world differently, as an individual. Depending on the age shouldn't we allow our children to solve their issues for themselves? We should be there to guide it and it's completely okay to have expectations on the table so they are aware of what you know about the situation and how you would prefer they handle it. Nothing wrong with spitting ideas in an approach of well maybe you could try this. Thin line between spitting ideas with expectations on the table and doing it for them.
Over the years, having remarried to an oh so patient husband, it's been easy to let it go. Took work though lots of issues from my own past I had to work through. I took one step at a time and did what I could and when I caught myself being a control freak or overbearing about a situation I would pull back and bite my tongue. I had such a sore swollen tongue! Felt like I would never be able to breathe again I held on so tightly. Really tightly, it's a wonder they didn't suffocate lol. But I am capable of change so I did.
The most impressive thought that ever pops into my head when I relive old haunts is very simple. You turned out okay. I'm still alive, I had hardships, I learned how to get a better read on people and I'm definitely not afraid to walk away. Makes me sad sometimes but occasionally it's simply the best option for all involved. I have learned to allow my brain to mull over it a few times decide if anything could have been done differently, make a note to be careful of anything I noticed that I would and then I let it go, I walk away from it, I move forward and keep my eyes in front of me. Good heavens can you imagine what would happen to you if you didn't? You'd always be angry. You'd always be offended. You would always be hurt and feel stuck and resentful. That's not life, that's a slow way to torture yourself before you die.
I believe that love and patience are beautiful gifts, abilities and tools. Not every situation will turn out like you had hoped but don't underestimate the power of example. Your example to your families is important to their daily lives and they need to see that when you fall you are not afraid to get back up again and carry on with dignity. They need to know that you trust them to make decisions and that you are in control of yours. Not in an abrasive way, in a loving, kind and peaceful nature. When they see you take on life's challenges in a smart way, so will they. Then as they get older confrontations will be easier for them. Easy for them to forgive and move on to the next thing in life. Easy for them to see their burdens in life as a simple challenge or puzzle that they have to figure out and learn from so that they can become strong.
Life cannot be controlled but it can be guided. You can master your own life but not the lives of others. The world is getting tougher on us all. Strengthen your families the best you can and prepare them through education and positive influence. Take a deep breath when you feel overwhelmed and start again tomorrow. You can do this. You got this.
Here's where some of you having read the first paragraph wonder what's wrong with that I'm just protecting myself and my kids. Are you? Or are you simply projecting all of your fears from previous experiences onto your children? Are you really saying I'm just protecting my kids from what happened to me happening to them? Hard letting go. Very hard. However hard, it's also vital. You must let go of it, work through it out loud with those you trust who will listen without criticism, judgement, or even advice. You need a backboard to get this out of you so you can see what others around you who love you see. However big or small the problem is at the time.
It's a scary thought to take all the things that may have happened to you and project them onto your children. Those things may never come close to happening to them. When things do happen to them do you have a tendency to immediately draw from your own bad memories assuming it's the same for them? Please don't do that. They aren't you and see the world differently, as an individual. Depending on the age shouldn't we allow our children to solve their issues for themselves? We should be there to guide it and it's completely okay to have expectations on the table so they are aware of what you know about the situation and how you would prefer they handle it. Nothing wrong with spitting ideas in an approach of well maybe you could try this. Thin line between spitting ideas with expectations on the table and doing it for them.
Over the years, having remarried to an oh so patient husband, it's been easy to let it go. Took work though lots of issues from my own past I had to work through. I took one step at a time and did what I could and when I caught myself being a control freak or overbearing about a situation I would pull back and bite my tongue. I had such a sore swollen tongue! Felt like I would never be able to breathe again I held on so tightly. Really tightly, it's a wonder they didn't suffocate lol. But I am capable of change so I did.
The most impressive thought that ever pops into my head when I relive old haunts is very simple. You turned out okay. I'm still alive, I had hardships, I learned how to get a better read on people and I'm definitely not afraid to walk away. Makes me sad sometimes but occasionally it's simply the best option for all involved. I have learned to allow my brain to mull over it a few times decide if anything could have been done differently, make a note to be careful of anything I noticed that I would and then I let it go, I walk away from it, I move forward and keep my eyes in front of me. Good heavens can you imagine what would happen to you if you didn't? You'd always be angry. You'd always be offended. You would always be hurt and feel stuck and resentful. That's not life, that's a slow way to torture yourself before you die.
I believe that love and patience are beautiful gifts, abilities and tools. Not every situation will turn out like you had hoped but don't underestimate the power of example. Your example to your families is important to their daily lives and they need to see that when you fall you are not afraid to get back up again and carry on with dignity. They need to know that you trust them to make decisions and that you are in control of yours. Not in an abrasive way, in a loving, kind and peaceful nature. When they see you take on life's challenges in a smart way, so will they. Then as they get older confrontations will be easier for them. Easy for them to forgive and move on to the next thing in life. Easy for them to see their burdens in life as a simple challenge or puzzle that they have to figure out and learn from so that they can become strong.
Life cannot be controlled but it can be guided. You can master your own life but not the lives of others. The world is getting tougher on us all. Strengthen your families the best you can and prepare them through education and positive influence. Take a deep breath when you feel overwhelmed and start again tomorrow. You can do this. You got this.
Wednesday, October 24, 2012
Family
Isn't family the greatest? Well and sometimes the worst? I really love my family. We aren't perfect by any means but we try hard. Sometimes we fall short in every category but there's love there. To me that's the best start and foundation a family could ever have. I feel so lucky and blessed to have this opportunity in my life to have children and see them develop and grow, wondering all the while what it must have been like for my own parents. I find true joy in watching them learn and grow, changing week to week sometimes even day to day.
It's so hard raising children in today's society. There are so many choices and so many distractions. Lots of paths to choose from on their journey of life and lots of pitfalls to confuse, taunt and knock them on their backsides. Is it weird that I enjoy watching my children work through their own problems? Yup I said the word enjoy. It's so amazing to me how smart they are. You can see them think carefully about things and when they are talking to me about it you can actually hear them working it out you're just the backboard they needed to rebound off of. Sometimes I think that they are living beyond their years, not necessarily by choice but almost forced into it by the world. The world thinks that speed is the most important thing, but to it's own detriment.
I tell my children all the time, you are a child and I will fight for that. You have plenty of time to grow up so take your time doing it. Whenever my children rush on a test, skim reading I call it, they always get a lesser grade than if they had taken just a little more time to carefully think about it. Doesn't mean they have to be slow just careful. I think growing up should be addressed with the same approach. Take a little bit more time to think carefully about everything that you're doing. Take a little more time to think about where you want to end up and all the ways that you might be able to get there. Make educated decisions about your future not rash dreams that I hate to say can become quite unrealistic. Encourage others around you to do the same and be a good example living your own life in a way that you can be proud of and that others can benefit from.
I want my kids to savor the moment. Enjoy what's in front of them and let go of what they might have messed up on. Too many times when we are adults we carry our mistakes with us and hinder our own futures. What purpose does that serve? If we rush through life we are more likely not only make mistakes once but the same mistakes over and over again. Yes, taking our time to stop and think is never a bad thing. You only get one life to live. So live it. Live it to the best of your abilities and enjoy the ride. What's the point of taking it if you don't find joy in it.
I love watching our youngest who is 2 1/2 explore the world around her. No worries, fearless, everything is exciting, although the attention span needs more work but that will come with time. Patience is definitely not in a toddler's vocabulary. Her expressions when she discovers something new, as if she lights up, it's amazing to me to watch. We have started reasoning with her a little more when we see her understanding of why. I love hearing her conversations grow. The older she gets and more she interacts with others the more she makes sense. It's not jibber jabber as much anymore. She's an amazingly intelligent little girl quick and eager to learn and grow. I feel honored to be a part of it. She takes her time and to look and listen carefully to everything around her. As a result she learns it faster and has a deeper understanding of it.
I really, from the bottom of my soul, deeply love my husband. He's the perfect balance for me. Where he falls short he looks to me and me the same with him. I've never had such balance before and it's funny when I am stressed about life he isn't and when he is I'm not. We alternate this great calm feeling between us taking turns to worry like a see saw. I love talking with him about anything, we can talk about everything no tippy toes. We are both the kind of people that are eager to learn new things and challenge everything around us to form our own opinions and it's so great to be able to disagree and have that respect for what each other has said. I love his kindness towards me. It exceeds expectations. He's my rock. I love him more and more everyday. Sickening lol.
Families are awesome. What a blessing. Even in family fights and embarrassing stories that your kids tell to perfect strangers that make you blush, I love it all. It's wonderful. No wonder it's the one thing that's hardest to maintain and worth fighting the most for. Best thing on earth.
What's your family like?
It's so hard raising children in today's society. There are so many choices and so many distractions. Lots of paths to choose from on their journey of life and lots of pitfalls to confuse, taunt and knock them on their backsides. Is it weird that I enjoy watching my children work through their own problems? Yup I said the word enjoy. It's so amazing to me how smart they are. You can see them think carefully about things and when they are talking to me about it you can actually hear them working it out you're just the backboard they needed to rebound off of. Sometimes I think that they are living beyond their years, not necessarily by choice but almost forced into it by the world. The world thinks that speed is the most important thing, but to it's own detriment.
I tell my children all the time, you are a child and I will fight for that. You have plenty of time to grow up so take your time doing it. Whenever my children rush on a test, skim reading I call it, they always get a lesser grade than if they had taken just a little more time to carefully think about it. Doesn't mean they have to be slow just careful. I think growing up should be addressed with the same approach. Take a little bit more time to think carefully about everything that you're doing. Take a little more time to think about where you want to end up and all the ways that you might be able to get there. Make educated decisions about your future not rash dreams that I hate to say can become quite unrealistic. Encourage others around you to do the same and be a good example living your own life in a way that you can be proud of and that others can benefit from.
I want my kids to savor the moment. Enjoy what's in front of them and let go of what they might have messed up on. Too many times when we are adults we carry our mistakes with us and hinder our own futures. What purpose does that serve? If we rush through life we are more likely not only make mistakes once but the same mistakes over and over again. Yes, taking our time to stop and think is never a bad thing. You only get one life to live. So live it. Live it to the best of your abilities and enjoy the ride. What's the point of taking it if you don't find joy in it.
I love watching our youngest who is 2 1/2 explore the world around her. No worries, fearless, everything is exciting, although the attention span needs more work but that will come with time. Patience is definitely not in a toddler's vocabulary. Her expressions when she discovers something new, as if she lights up, it's amazing to me to watch. We have started reasoning with her a little more when we see her understanding of why. I love hearing her conversations grow. The older she gets and more she interacts with others the more she makes sense. It's not jibber jabber as much anymore. She's an amazingly intelligent little girl quick and eager to learn and grow. I feel honored to be a part of it. She takes her time and to look and listen carefully to everything around her. As a result she learns it faster and has a deeper understanding of it.
I really, from the bottom of my soul, deeply love my husband. He's the perfect balance for me. Where he falls short he looks to me and me the same with him. I've never had such balance before and it's funny when I am stressed about life he isn't and when he is I'm not. We alternate this great calm feeling between us taking turns to worry like a see saw. I love talking with him about anything, we can talk about everything no tippy toes. We are both the kind of people that are eager to learn new things and challenge everything around us to form our own opinions and it's so great to be able to disagree and have that respect for what each other has said. I love his kindness towards me. It exceeds expectations. He's my rock. I love him more and more everyday. Sickening lol.
Families are awesome. What a blessing. Even in family fights and embarrassing stories that your kids tell to perfect strangers that make you blush, I love it all. It's wonderful. No wonder it's the one thing that's hardest to maintain and worth fighting the most for. Best thing on earth.
What's your family like?
Tuesday, October 23, 2012
What Can I do For You?
I really and truly detest when someone I love is going through, well, anything unpleasant. That feeling of helplessness when you honestly cannot help though you wish with all your heart you could. What really bugs me though, is when I have tons to offer you that can benefit you and make life a little happier and a little easier for you or simply offer to do whatever you need from me and you say, "Oh I'll think about it" and NEVER get back to me.*dirty look here* Is it that you're afraid I'll judge you or tell everyone,'Wow you should SEE their house it's a complete disaster area so filthy' or think to myself something like, 'This person is completely crazy what am I doing here?'.
First of all, I cannot help but laugh my head off if you really do think I would do that lol, secondly I'm not like that. The best way for us to forget our own emotional and spiritual struggles in life is to serve others. If you are physically struggling all the more reason to accept the help. Don't sit there one minute telling me how hard your life is and then refuse any help to better it in any way. Don't be a martyr. ( definition #3: victim : a constant sufferer) I absolutely love that expression pull up your big girl panties and let's go. Nothing like a little humor to help us in day to day, sometimes a little overly mundane life. Humor in the worst of circumstances isn't necessarily rude, it's human. We are fragile, we need laughter to keep going.
I have several people in my life who I love deeply. One in particular that I am very close to has been struggling for quite some time now and especially in the last couple of months. I ache to help, to do anything, sometimes even just the offer lightens a load. A good joke can go a long way, as long as it's tactfully done. Even a smile or a quick I love you, by the way please don't be afraid to say I love you to your friends they need you to, can make a huge difference from one day to the next. I on my own only have my heart, my hands, my shoulder, a kleenex box somewhere in my room, a phone ( call me ), my instincts and experience, and my knees as my best tools. When I have exhausted the hands and shoulder and experience, my phone is broken and the tissue box is empty my knees never fail me. Never.
Trust me, I pray for you all the time. All of you. Everyone. I don't have to meet you, know you that well, or even like you that much or agree with you. But I will always pray for you. Most powerful tool I know because you see, God knows you well, He's met you and He loves you completely and when you refuse my help, or your neighbor's, or your family's, He can and will find a way to take care of it.
That said there is always a flip side of the coin isn't there? YOU have to do everything in your power to change or repair what isn't working for you. You have to show an effort that you value your life and your blessings. You have to respect what you have vs the have nots and truly appreciate who you are. All your quarks are there to lighten the mood, put a smile on someone's face, and test you. Fixing and strengthening weaknesses is awesome and takes time so give yourself some. In the meantime can you please accept help? Accept those all around you who offer to do whatever they can for you. Stop telling yourself you have to do everything or can do everything on your own. That's not our creation. We were always meant to lean on each other for help to lift each other up and carry on together.
To those who know how much I love them and all of you who don't, what can I do to help you?
First of all, I cannot help but laugh my head off if you really do think I would do that lol, secondly I'm not like that. The best way for us to forget our own emotional and spiritual struggles in life is to serve others. If you are physically struggling all the more reason to accept the help. Don't sit there one minute telling me how hard your life is and then refuse any help to better it in any way. Don't be a martyr. ( definition #3: victim : a constant sufferer) I absolutely love that expression pull up your big girl panties and let's go. Nothing like a little humor to help us in day to day, sometimes a little overly mundane life. Humor in the worst of circumstances isn't necessarily rude, it's human. We are fragile, we need laughter to keep going.
I have several people in my life who I love deeply. One in particular that I am very close to has been struggling for quite some time now and especially in the last couple of months. I ache to help, to do anything, sometimes even just the offer lightens a load. A good joke can go a long way, as long as it's tactfully done. Even a smile or a quick I love you, by the way please don't be afraid to say I love you to your friends they need you to, can make a huge difference from one day to the next. I on my own only have my heart, my hands, my shoulder, a kleenex box somewhere in my room, a phone ( call me ), my instincts and experience, and my knees as my best tools. When I have exhausted the hands and shoulder and experience, my phone is broken and the tissue box is empty my knees never fail me. Never.
Trust me, I pray for you all the time. All of you. Everyone. I don't have to meet you, know you that well, or even like you that much or agree with you. But I will always pray for you. Most powerful tool I know because you see, God knows you well, He's met you and He loves you completely and when you refuse my help, or your neighbor's, or your family's, He can and will find a way to take care of it.
That said there is always a flip side of the coin isn't there? YOU have to do everything in your power to change or repair what isn't working for you. You have to show an effort that you value your life and your blessings. You have to respect what you have vs the have nots and truly appreciate who you are. All your quarks are there to lighten the mood, put a smile on someone's face, and test you. Fixing and strengthening weaknesses is awesome and takes time so give yourself some. In the meantime can you please accept help? Accept those all around you who offer to do whatever they can for you. Stop telling yourself you have to do everything or can do everything on your own. That's not our creation. We were always meant to lean on each other for help to lift each other up and carry on together.
To those who know how much I love them and all of you who don't, what can I do to help you?
Tuesday, October 9, 2012
The idea of "Social Acceptance"
Clearly everyone wants to fit in. But what is "fitting in" exactly? For some it's to be one of the 'cool kids' and I'm sorry to say this but there are adults out there decades out of high school that are still trying to 'fit in' with the 'cool kids'. Usually people who are socially accepted are there because they have created their own reality of what's right and wrong, hot or not and have found others who accepted their ideas and opinions as reality and in agreement make them the cat's meow.
For example, in light of the forthcoming election the candidates you see are no exception. They have their own ideas and opinions and present them to the country as their versions of reality. But who's is better? The media nudges that and of course truly helps keep the 'popular kid' up front and center feeding them to the nation saying this is socially acceptable you can trust this person. I'm not saying that either candidate is a liar or telling the perfect truth but I am saying that there are many ways to answer a question directed at you head on without letting on the whole truth leaving key things out that could offend or detour you from their primary objective. They want your vote. To get your vote they need to be the most accepted (popular) and share the majority of opinions in the nation. They need to be the rock star.
Throughout my own high school experience I was often puzzled at what the 'cool kids' thought was cool to begin with. Almost like a popular fairy tale and they were the characters. In reality no one person was more or less interesting than the next. You just believed in this fairy tale that certain individuals were not even worth the time, a waste of effort. I myself unfortunately looking back did the same to several individuals and for that I'm completely sorry. Even in college there were the acceptable kids that would look at me in shock and horror if I spoke with whomever I pleased and 'hung out' with certain individuals they would consider lowly. Never cared.
For some reason as an adult I find that the plight and horrors of high school drama have not completely left the minds of the adults they've raised. Too often even now and at this age, when I have experienced plenty of life to know better so I assume they should too, I see cliques formed. The 'elite' based on their own individual criteria of what's cool and what's acceptable. How to look, how to act, what to wear, how to do your makeup, what your house looks like, who has the better job, who has the most important calling at church. Pathetic really. It's childish games that prove no winner in the end. "...almost all men, as soon as they get a little authority, as they suppose,... will immediately begin to exercise unrighteous dominion."(D&C 129:31). Very worry some. I call it hiding from the reality.
The real world is hard it tosses you like the sea in a storm up against any jagged rock it can find, shredding your confidence and determination to continue on and filling you with fear. Ignore it. It's nothing more than a tool and if you learn how to use it, well then I guess, you learn. You grow. You create new ways to conquer it. You discover it's weaknesses and study it more heartily. You know the rules, they've been around for centuries. Using them to your advantage takes courage and sure footing. A solid foundation filled with trust and truths that cannot be displaced under any circumstances. Reality.
It is better for you to march to your own drum, do your own thing, find your own way, have the courage to be who you are. You don't have to break rules to be happy. Boundaries are not a trick or a burden but a necessity to your happiness continuing on. Fearing what others may say or do is no way to live. Having no opinion at all is far worse than sharing yours with others regardless of their labeling.
"The only way to escape the illusion of social acceptance is to make sure you're not a part of it. A person who is concerned only with the truth of reality, is the teenager at school who dress in any clothes he/she likes and forms his/her own opinion regardless what other people think. That person will promote leadership instead of decisions founded upon trends. That person will be a major threat to all people who follow social acceptance, because it takes a lot of courage today to be yourself, but once you reach that goal, a whole new world will open up before you. No more social pressure will keep you down. Instead, you will focus on what's important to your life and let the truth of reality guide you into a better, truly liberated tomorrow."
Read more: http://wiki.answers.com/Q/How_do_you_be_socially_accepted#ixzz28pjZTlqS
As an adult I have a responsibility to be a better example to my kids. To encourage them to find their own way in life but within reason. Presenting boundaries to them that they will understand completely once they have left our home to be out in the world on their own. Ones of protection, truth, and happiness. To teach them tolerance and patience with others around them who many have been misinformed by these socially accepted ideas that are causing harm to our society already and will continue to do so. I hope and pray that they can become strong, righteous participants of this world. One nation does not a world make but a tiny fraction of real existence. Hopefully I will have the opportunity to help them further educate themselves and be who they need to become. Hopefully I will make the same journey.
For example, in light of the forthcoming election the candidates you see are no exception. They have their own ideas and opinions and present them to the country as their versions of reality. But who's is better? The media nudges that and of course truly helps keep the 'popular kid' up front and center feeding them to the nation saying this is socially acceptable you can trust this person. I'm not saying that either candidate is a liar or telling the perfect truth but I am saying that there are many ways to answer a question directed at you head on without letting on the whole truth leaving key things out that could offend or detour you from their primary objective. They want your vote. To get your vote they need to be the most accepted (popular) and share the majority of opinions in the nation. They need to be the rock star.
Throughout my own high school experience I was often puzzled at what the 'cool kids' thought was cool to begin with. Almost like a popular fairy tale and they were the characters. In reality no one person was more or less interesting than the next. You just believed in this fairy tale that certain individuals were not even worth the time, a waste of effort. I myself unfortunately looking back did the same to several individuals and for that I'm completely sorry. Even in college there were the acceptable kids that would look at me in shock and horror if I spoke with whomever I pleased and 'hung out' with certain individuals they would consider lowly. Never cared.
For some reason as an adult I find that the plight and horrors of high school drama have not completely left the minds of the adults they've raised. Too often even now and at this age, when I have experienced plenty of life to know better so I assume they should too, I see cliques formed. The 'elite' based on their own individual criteria of what's cool and what's acceptable. How to look, how to act, what to wear, how to do your makeup, what your house looks like, who has the better job, who has the most important calling at church. Pathetic really. It's childish games that prove no winner in the end. "...almost all men, as soon as they get a little authority, as they suppose,... will immediately begin to exercise unrighteous dominion."(D&C 129:31). Very worry some. I call it hiding from the reality.
The real world is hard it tosses you like the sea in a storm up against any jagged rock it can find, shredding your confidence and determination to continue on and filling you with fear. Ignore it. It's nothing more than a tool and if you learn how to use it, well then I guess, you learn. You grow. You create new ways to conquer it. You discover it's weaknesses and study it more heartily. You know the rules, they've been around for centuries. Using them to your advantage takes courage and sure footing. A solid foundation filled with trust and truths that cannot be displaced under any circumstances. Reality.
It is better for you to march to your own drum, do your own thing, find your own way, have the courage to be who you are. You don't have to break rules to be happy. Boundaries are not a trick or a burden but a necessity to your happiness continuing on. Fearing what others may say or do is no way to live. Having no opinion at all is far worse than sharing yours with others regardless of their labeling.
"The only way to escape the illusion of social acceptance is to make sure you're not a part of it. A person who is concerned only with the truth of reality, is the teenager at school who dress in any clothes he/she likes and forms his/her own opinion regardless what other people think. That person will promote leadership instead of decisions founded upon trends. That person will be a major threat to all people who follow social acceptance, because it takes a lot of courage today to be yourself, but once you reach that goal, a whole new world will open up before you. No more social pressure will keep you down. Instead, you will focus on what's important to your life and let the truth of reality guide you into a better, truly liberated tomorrow."
Read more: http://wiki.answers.com/Q/How_do_you_be_socially_accepted#ixzz28pjZTlqS
As an adult I have a responsibility to be a better example to my kids. To encourage them to find their own way in life but within reason. Presenting boundaries to them that they will understand completely once they have left our home to be out in the world on their own. Ones of protection, truth, and happiness. To teach them tolerance and patience with others around them who many have been misinformed by these socially accepted ideas that are causing harm to our society already and will continue to do so. I hope and pray that they can become strong, righteous participants of this world. One nation does not a world make but a tiny fraction of real existence. Hopefully I will have the opportunity to help them further educate themselves and be who they need to become. Hopefully I will make the same journey.
Stuck
I feel...stuck. I hate when that happens 'cause ya see, I am a always keep moving forward kind of person. I feel although I try really hard to commit to things, there are so many distractions in life making it impossible to concentrate on what's really important. I really appreciate the glimpses I get of making progress they fill my heart with joy. I like that expression, try again tomorrow. I can let go of what didn't get done and didn't go right today and leave it behind me so that I'm free to keep going. Easier said than done though, I FEEL stuck.
Yesterday I had a wonderful glimpse. My husband and I went out for a walk in the fall air, fall is my favorite season. It made me realize that I love spending time alone with him and this might be a most valuable asset us walking in the evening once in a while. I still want to have opportunities to walk with others as well. Change the conversation a bit. But I really enjoyed that. I'm walking for both exercise yes, but lately and mostly stress relief. Being at home or carting around a 2 year old is wearing and to have that chance to allow the stress to melt off my shoulders is heavenly. Easier to think clearly and say what you mean instead of fumbling for the words. I needed that.
Sometimes it's a guilt thing that I can't be everything to everyone. My physical body just doesn't allow it. Despite what my spirit wishes. But I try. That is one of the most comforting things I've discovered in life, trying your best and knowing that you are doing everything you can without driving yourself to an early grave is enough. Hopefully those old pangs of you can do better than this and comparing myself to my younger self with subside with time. I know it will lol. As we grow older we do in fact get wiser and realize we are no longer invincible. It sucks! Hate it but making my peace with it lol.
My health issues really do take a toll on my abilities to accomplish things. This time last year I could still function lol. Now I feel as though I'm in this body that isn't mine. It aches more than it did a year ago for no apparent reason. Before it was because I was playing bball or tennis with my family. Maybe because I raked the whole yard etc. Not because I woke up and walked around the house for 5 minutes. Takes some adjusting. I'm keeping to that original doctor's advice. Walking cures everything from diabetes to heart disease to stress. Thus the walking every evening. I did try during the mornings but who are we kidding here? In the morning I wake up with my eyes sewn shut and feeling like I'm stepping onto a tight rope. Evenings are better. Hopefully, this doctor is right.
I feel totally inadequate around my kids lately as well. They are simply in a word arrogant. If I ask for an explanation pertaining to something at school I'm stupid for not knowing all of the school's policies from memory, which I don't have much of one anymore, and get chastised. I even get told how it should be like they're my parents. ( stop laughing mom ) It's gotten to the point that on a bad day I'll cry and say why are you so mean? On a good day I'll laugh my head off and call them ignorant. On a normal, if you can call it that, day I simply ignore them and move on. I like the normal days the best, don't you? Then I don't feel stupid for getting upset in front of them or guilty for putting them in their place. Although teenagers need that on occasion I suppose. Reminders here and there that they are not kings and queens of the universe yet, they are here to learn how to become that and you can't learn by teaching what you don't know can you?
There's my loop. My circle. It just goes round and round. I need more glimpses of new and special things. I like them.
Yesterday I had a wonderful glimpse. My husband and I went out for a walk in the fall air, fall is my favorite season. It made me realize that I love spending time alone with him and this might be a most valuable asset us walking in the evening once in a while. I still want to have opportunities to walk with others as well. Change the conversation a bit. But I really enjoyed that. I'm walking for both exercise yes, but lately and mostly stress relief. Being at home or carting around a 2 year old is wearing and to have that chance to allow the stress to melt off my shoulders is heavenly. Easier to think clearly and say what you mean instead of fumbling for the words. I needed that.
Sometimes it's a guilt thing that I can't be everything to everyone. My physical body just doesn't allow it. Despite what my spirit wishes. But I try. That is one of the most comforting things I've discovered in life, trying your best and knowing that you are doing everything you can without driving yourself to an early grave is enough. Hopefully those old pangs of you can do better than this and comparing myself to my younger self with subside with time. I know it will lol. As we grow older we do in fact get wiser and realize we are no longer invincible. It sucks! Hate it but making my peace with it lol.
My health issues really do take a toll on my abilities to accomplish things. This time last year I could still function lol. Now I feel as though I'm in this body that isn't mine. It aches more than it did a year ago for no apparent reason. Before it was because I was playing bball or tennis with my family. Maybe because I raked the whole yard etc. Not because I woke up and walked around the house for 5 minutes. Takes some adjusting. I'm keeping to that original doctor's advice. Walking cures everything from diabetes to heart disease to stress. Thus the walking every evening. I did try during the mornings but who are we kidding here? In the morning I wake up with my eyes sewn shut and feeling like I'm stepping onto a tight rope. Evenings are better. Hopefully, this doctor is right.
I feel totally inadequate around my kids lately as well. They are simply in a word arrogant. If I ask for an explanation pertaining to something at school I'm stupid for not knowing all of the school's policies from memory, which I don't have much of one anymore, and get chastised. I even get told how it should be like they're my parents. ( stop laughing mom ) It's gotten to the point that on a bad day I'll cry and say why are you so mean? On a good day I'll laugh my head off and call them ignorant. On a normal, if you can call it that, day I simply ignore them and move on. I like the normal days the best, don't you? Then I don't feel stupid for getting upset in front of them or guilty for putting them in their place. Although teenagers need that on occasion I suppose. Reminders here and there that they are not kings and queens of the universe yet, they are here to learn how to become that and you can't learn by teaching what you don't know can you?
There's my loop. My circle. It just goes round and round. I need more glimpses of new and special things. I like them.
Wednesday, October 3, 2012
So Personal but What the Hay..
They say with hypothyroidism you get certain symptoms. Fatigue, lack of appetite, feeling sluggish, coarse hair, depression, muscle aches and swelling. I totally knew what I was getting into I researched it to death when they told me I had hyperthyroidism and needed to slow down my thyroid causing me to head in the opposite direction.
The weight gain was imminent and impossible to stop regardless of how many salads I ate or how much I spent time on my treadmill or playing sports with my family. As a result of the radioactive iodine therapy I lost about 70% of my hair leaving the back of my head in particular with a gaping hole that I had to use longer strands to comb over and wore my hair up a lot as a result. Lots of fatigue and cloudy thinking and memory.
I have started growing my hair back and it's thickening. I finally went to the hair dresser for the first time in a year, didn't want anyone to touch my hair it was so fragile, and took the time to not only listen to me about what was going on with me and my hair but to carefully discuss how to fix it and cutting it a certain way to hide the thinning in the back. She's wonderful. My hair feels awesome. The shortest it's been in years but it looks so much better now that I have it styled so I can wear it down. She even put notes on the computer so if I ever come back and she's not there the hairdressers will know what I'm going through and to be careful with my hair. Seems dumb to some people but when people are gently and careful with my I am so appreciative. It actually got to the point about 4-5 months ago when I was balling from the loss of my hair and my prayers went something like..'I know I have hair still and it could be worse but I am a girl and as girlie as this sounds Heavenly Father and I know I'm not usually I need my hair'. Prayers answered it started thickening after that. I'll take it!
Loss of appetite comes and goes weight now that my medication is finally sorted out is slowly going back down, thank heavens. I am starting to feel like a ball more than a person. Muscles aches is a new one for me. Some of them are mild but some are down right painful. I can either live on pain meds, which I hate to take unless I have to I've always been that way, or I can endure it. So far I've been enduring but let me tell you, it isn't that easy. I get woken up about 3-4 times a night from some pain or other and that makes it hard to get any deep sleep which plays right into the fatigue that I already have now doesn't it. I can see it now, 'Here lies the walking zombie of a wife and mother we're not really sure if she's gone or not'. But I cope and I do my very best whatever I can muster, taking one day at a time.
I think though, and this is the very personal part, that I might be sadder than I usually am. So far it's so easy to pick myself back up or be picked back up so that's good. But still, I can't not look at all the crap happening around me now and not feel more sympathy for it. Sounds like a good thing but I don't think so. I had a nice balance where I cared but I accepted that everyone makes their own choices and some things just plain happen lately it's more like protective in a way. That poor child or that poor family etc.
I've also started analyzing my own family, eek!, which is never a good thing to do because you are likely not only to compare everyone to yourself but to judge how you did things vs how they do things. I don't want that kind of arrogance everyone is different. But still. There it is in my mind swimming around all the time. That is on the days that I can think straight. To be honest with you the cloudy mind thing I kind of like. Makes it easier to forget the things I need to. And there are plenty of people around me to remind me of the things I do.
I really hope that this heavy heart will improve with time. I am trying to do small things that make me happy for myself but let's face it, it's nice when your family and friends do nice things for you too. Here's to coping and keeping up the fight for a better life. Cheers!
The weight gain was imminent and impossible to stop regardless of how many salads I ate or how much I spent time on my treadmill or playing sports with my family. As a result of the radioactive iodine therapy I lost about 70% of my hair leaving the back of my head in particular with a gaping hole that I had to use longer strands to comb over and wore my hair up a lot as a result. Lots of fatigue and cloudy thinking and memory.
I have started growing my hair back and it's thickening. I finally went to the hair dresser for the first time in a year, didn't want anyone to touch my hair it was so fragile, and took the time to not only listen to me about what was going on with me and my hair but to carefully discuss how to fix it and cutting it a certain way to hide the thinning in the back. She's wonderful. My hair feels awesome. The shortest it's been in years but it looks so much better now that I have it styled so I can wear it down. She even put notes on the computer so if I ever come back and she's not there the hairdressers will know what I'm going through and to be careful with my hair. Seems dumb to some people but when people are gently and careful with my I am so appreciative. It actually got to the point about 4-5 months ago when I was balling from the loss of my hair and my prayers went something like..'I know I have hair still and it could be worse but I am a girl and as girlie as this sounds Heavenly Father and I know I'm not usually I need my hair'. Prayers answered it started thickening after that. I'll take it!
Loss of appetite comes and goes weight now that my medication is finally sorted out is slowly going back down, thank heavens. I am starting to feel like a ball more than a person. Muscles aches is a new one for me. Some of them are mild but some are down right painful. I can either live on pain meds, which I hate to take unless I have to I've always been that way, or I can endure it. So far I've been enduring but let me tell you, it isn't that easy. I get woken up about 3-4 times a night from some pain or other and that makes it hard to get any deep sleep which plays right into the fatigue that I already have now doesn't it. I can see it now, 'Here lies the walking zombie of a wife and mother we're not really sure if she's gone or not'. But I cope and I do my very best whatever I can muster, taking one day at a time.
I think though, and this is the very personal part, that I might be sadder than I usually am. So far it's so easy to pick myself back up or be picked back up so that's good. But still, I can't not look at all the crap happening around me now and not feel more sympathy for it. Sounds like a good thing but I don't think so. I had a nice balance where I cared but I accepted that everyone makes their own choices and some things just plain happen lately it's more like protective in a way. That poor child or that poor family etc.
I've also started analyzing my own family, eek!, which is never a good thing to do because you are likely not only to compare everyone to yourself but to judge how you did things vs how they do things. I don't want that kind of arrogance everyone is different. But still. There it is in my mind swimming around all the time. That is on the days that I can think straight. To be honest with you the cloudy mind thing I kind of like. Makes it easier to forget the things I need to. And there are plenty of people around me to remind me of the things I do.
I really hope that this heavy heart will improve with time. I am trying to do small things that make me happy for myself but let's face it, it's nice when your family and friends do nice things for you too. Here's to coping and keeping up the fight for a better life. Cheers!
Friday, September 21, 2012
Those quiet moments
It's rare, but I love those quiet moments where a simple reflection can have an amazing impact on you. Where you notice something in your life that you never did before. Those quiet moments seem to hold wisdom that somehow you always possessed but never noticed before.
I myself sitting here suddenly in one thought realized that our family would be very different if it weren't for my husband. I'd still be working, I would have to trust my children to wake up in the morning and get to school on time with breakfast in stomach and homework and lunch in hand. They'd be limited with their friends being from such a small town until they got their licenses and could drive themselves to other high school dances etc. Granted I'd have all my friends every weekend and my kids would have all of their kids as friends as well.
But....
We would be very different people. I don't know that any of us would have been forced to grow the way we did altogether. So many events changed our lives in such unexpected ways. Changes always force us to grow whether we are ready for it or not. I'd probably be sort of active in the church. My kids would be less shielded than they are now. They would have been forced to deal with individuals that could have truly hurt them both physically and mentally. Myself included. There would be no little sister to entertain us with her silly antics and adorable logic. I certainly wouldn't trust my children to the capacity that I do now.
My husband made us the kind of family that we always wanted. He's had to learn to grow up and be a father and I've learned to trust again. We fight for our family all the time. We fight to love, we fight to stay together, we fight to grow together and become better people than we are now. We laugh together, encourage one another, and no one person can be overwhelmed when all of us will carry each other's burdens. My favorite is that we learn together. Everyone learns as they go, new things will always trip you up some, but we stick it out together and dismiss any judgments that may come our way because we aren't experts at it yet.
There's a lot of love in this family. The more people we've added to it, the bigger the love has grown. I'm so grateful for my husband and his presence in our family. I'm thankful for his leadership and his kindnesses. I even love his quarks! I feel so blessed to have children and watch them grow. They are amazing kids and I'm so excited to see what they do with their lives and their futures!
And to think....it only took a moment to see it all.
I myself sitting here suddenly in one thought realized that our family would be very different if it weren't for my husband. I'd still be working, I would have to trust my children to wake up in the morning and get to school on time with breakfast in stomach and homework and lunch in hand. They'd be limited with their friends being from such a small town until they got their licenses and could drive themselves to other high school dances etc. Granted I'd have all my friends every weekend and my kids would have all of their kids as friends as well.
But....
We would be very different people. I don't know that any of us would have been forced to grow the way we did altogether. So many events changed our lives in such unexpected ways. Changes always force us to grow whether we are ready for it or not. I'd probably be sort of active in the church. My kids would be less shielded than they are now. They would have been forced to deal with individuals that could have truly hurt them both physically and mentally. Myself included. There would be no little sister to entertain us with her silly antics and adorable logic. I certainly wouldn't trust my children to the capacity that I do now.
My husband made us the kind of family that we always wanted. He's had to learn to grow up and be a father and I've learned to trust again. We fight for our family all the time. We fight to love, we fight to stay together, we fight to grow together and become better people than we are now. We laugh together, encourage one another, and no one person can be overwhelmed when all of us will carry each other's burdens. My favorite is that we learn together. Everyone learns as they go, new things will always trip you up some, but we stick it out together and dismiss any judgments that may come our way because we aren't experts at it yet.
There's a lot of love in this family. The more people we've added to it, the bigger the love has grown. I'm so grateful for my husband and his presence in our family. I'm thankful for his leadership and his kindnesses. I even love his quarks! I feel so blessed to have children and watch them grow. They are amazing kids and I'm so excited to see what they do with their lives and their futures!
And to think....it only took a moment to see it all.
Tuesday, September 18, 2012
My secret to a good life is.......................
As most of you do this also I'm sure, I reflect a lot on where I've been, things I've survived (some not so well), and how it is now aka what can I improve upon. All I can really do is share what I've learned along the way through my own personal experiences and then hope I keep improving as time goes on. I also learn a great deal from other's personal experiences as well so don't be shy to share them with me.
My secret is........................................patience. The hardest thing in this world to aquire and also hard to execute. Patience means in the face of adversity you embrace long suffering during your trials as a learning tool instead of a 'why me' burden. Challenges in life don't always have to be amplified to horrific from their simplicity. Maybe that's a little too factual and direct for some of you and I understand if you disagree that's fine. But I think we complicate it more than it should be most of the time. Life is hard and life is messy and we are human and get worn down but patience in your adversity and accepting these challenges for what they are at face value will definitely help you overcome them sooner than later with a better understanding of the "why".
Having patience with your kids also extremely vital not only for your growth as a parent but also for the growth of your children and their friends who associate with them. Don't underestimate the power of your influence on your children's friends. In my own personal experience with this the neighborhood children who come into our home know the rules in it. My children were taught the rules and pass it on to their friends, any friends, they encounter whether they physically come into our home or not. My children have outright told people who want to be friends with them what we as their parents expect. No cussing, no lying, be compassionate and helpful, don't take everything so seriously or be easily offended, things of that nature. Through our influence on our children, they have the opportunity and ability to influence many others that will in turn influence even more. That's why I hate being quick to judge. I don't know every circumstance that happens in everyone's lives I can only control my own. That includes my children. I don't see life through their eyes or share all of their experiences, too personal. But I can have patience and faith that they will keep influencing others for the greater good and continue to create a world of freedom and joy. I can be patient with them when they make mistakes, even mistakes that are so horrible it makes me shudder to think. I can be patient with them and their own learning process to figure it out and answer any questions or share advice when they ask for it, counseling with them as often as I can to choose what's right not only for their parents sanity but for themselves and their own personal growth.
The biggest one of all, patience with yourself. Probably the hardest. Probably the most impossible! Probably one of the most important. How often do we make a mistake and act so hard on ourselves? How often when we make a mistake in public does it infuriate us with embarrassment? Face goes all red, immediate hot flash where you feel like your neck is on fire, start to sweat looking around at everyone who might be staring at you immediately judging them for judging you which they might not even be doing. My biggest key to patience with myself, is humor. In the worst stages of my life through bad health problems or just being plain out right treated badly by another I get my best bouts of humor. My dad taught me if I take an embarrassing situation and make fun of it before anyone else can it's like ripping the rug right from underneath them. I agree. I can make fun of it my way, get a laugh and then no one feels they need to say anything at all and my feelings don't get hurt. But when they do, I have patience. I kneel in prayer often having learned to pray for my enemies that their hearts will soften and they will be forgiving of me for my short comings. I pray often for myself that I also will be forgiving of my shortcomings. I have to make a point of working on that all the time. I pray because I know I can't do it alone.
Everyone has weaknesses. Some people get offended when you tell them that they aren't perfect because in their minds they're trying so hard to be. I propose this question to you. Is your idea of what's perfect the same as the God who created you's idea of perfect is? If you are unsure seek out the answers. Once again be patient with yourself in overcoming your weaknesses. It may take a lifetime to correct some of them and you have to live your whole life with you. Instead of damning yourself maybe try some encouragement instead. Anne of Green Gables quote I still have to remind myself to live by: "Tomorrow is always fresh, with no mistakes in it." I feel like I never do anything right, or that my day could have gone a lot differently, maybe I could have done this instead of that, or I should have done these things first. I do that on a daily basis. That's when that quote pops into my head and I remind myself there's always tomorrow to start anew. It's nice to be able to uplift myself when I need it. If you need it to and you need someone other than yourself to say it to you give me a call. There are days I don't believe myself either lol.
Life is an amazing journey and I find myself more and more being grateful for every inch of it. Even the things I had to survive through or tolerate that seemed unbearable and unfair. I grew from them. I see life a lot differently now. Bad things happen to us all whether you are a sinner or a saint. "The rain falls on the just and the unjust" and as long as I feel like I'm doing my best it's all ok. Even on the days where I know I could do better instead of being impatient with myself about it, I just write it all down, or say my frustration out loud, and try again tomorrow. If I run out of tomorrows then I am grateful to say that I'm in a place where I can say it's ok, you tried your best and that's something to be proud of.
My secret is........................................patience. The hardest thing in this world to aquire and also hard to execute. Patience means in the face of adversity you embrace long suffering during your trials as a learning tool instead of a 'why me' burden. Challenges in life don't always have to be amplified to horrific from their simplicity. Maybe that's a little too factual and direct for some of you and I understand if you disagree that's fine. But I think we complicate it more than it should be most of the time. Life is hard and life is messy and we are human and get worn down but patience in your adversity and accepting these challenges for what they are at face value will definitely help you overcome them sooner than later with a better understanding of the "why".
Having patience with your kids also extremely vital not only for your growth as a parent but also for the growth of your children and their friends who associate with them. Don't underestimate the power of your influence on your children's friends. In my own personal experience with this the neighborhood children who come into our home know the rules in it. My children were taught the rules and pass it on to their friends, any friends, they encounter whether they physically come into our home or not. My children have outright told people who want to be friends with them what we as their parents expect. No cussing, no lying, be compassionate and helpful, don't take everything so seriously or be easily offended, things of that nature. Through our influence on our children, they have the opportunity and ability to influence many others that will in turn influence even more. That's why I hate being quick to judge. I don't know every circumstance that happens in everyone's lives I can only control my own. That includes my children. I don't see life through their eyes or share all of their experiences, too personal. But I can have patience and faith that they will keep influencing others for the greater good and continue to create a world of freedom and joy. I can be patient with them when they make mistakes, even mistakes that are so horrible it makes me shudder to think. I can be patient with them and their own learning process to figure it out and answer any questions or share advice when they ask for it, counseling with them as often as I can to choose what's right not only for their parents sanity but for themselves and their own personal growth.
The biggest one of all, patience with yourself. Probably the hardest. Probably the most impossible! Probably one of the most important. How often do we make a mistake and act so hard on ourselves? How often when we make a mistake in public does it infuriate us with embarrassment? Face goes all red, immediate hot flash where you feel like your neck is on fire, start to sweat looking around at everyone who might be staring at you immediately judging them for judging you which they might not even be doing. My biggest key to patience with myself, is humor. In the worst stages of my life through bad health problems or just being plain out right treated badly by another I get my best bouts of humor. My dad taught me if I take an embarrassing situation and make fun of it before anyone else can it's like ripping the rug right from underneath them. I agree. I can make fun of it my way, get a laugh and then no one feels they need to say anything at all and my feelings don't get hurt. But when they do, I have patience. I kneel in prayer often having learned to pray for my enemies that their hearts will soften and they will be forgiving of me for my short comings. I pray often for myself that I also will be forgiving of my shortcomings. I have to make a point of working on that all the time. I pray because I know I can't do it alone.
Everyone has weaknesses. Some people get offended when you tell them that they aren't perfect because in their minds they're trying so hard to be. I propose this question to you. Is your idea of what's perfect the same as the God who created you's idea of perfect is? If you are unsure seek out the answers. Once again be patient with yourself in overcoming your weaknesses. It may take a lifetime to correct some of them and you have to live your whole life with you. Instead of damning yourself maybe try some encouragement instead. Anne of Green Gables quote I still have to remind myself to live by: "Tomorrow is always fresh, with no mistakes in it." I feel like I never do anything right, or that my day could have gone a lot differently, maybe I could have done this instead of that, or I should have done these things first. I do that on a daily basis. That's when that quote pops into my head and I remind myself there's always tomorrow to start anew. It's nice to be able to uplift myself when I need it. If you need it to and you need someone other than yourself to say it to you give me a call. There are days I don't believe myself either lol.
Life is an amazing journey and I find myself more and more being grateful for every inch of it. Even the things I had to survive through or tolerate that seemed unbearable and unfair. I grew from them. I see life a lot differently now. Bad things happen to us all whether you are a sinner or a saint. "The rain falls on the just and the unjust" and as long as I feel like I'm doing my best it's all ok. Even on the days where I know I could do better instead of being impatient with myself about it, I just write it all down, or say my frustration out loud, and try again tomorrow. If I run out of tomorrows then I am grateful to say that I'm in a place where I can say it's ok, you tried your best and that's something to be proud of.
Sunday, September 9, 2012
Things I need to work on....
1. My stress level. I need to work on shutting out the world a little bit more and letting in the Spirit without walls to constrain me.
2. My idea of the perfect woman. I need to look myself in the mirror and remember everything I've overcome and accomplished in life instead of thinking about all the things I fall short on.
3. My idea of the perfect body. I had the closest to the perfect body when I was in high school, working out, and playing soccer. I have to let that go and realize that children and Motherhood change everything and I should wear my stretch marks with honor instead of embarrassment.
4. My idea of the perfect family. Life is messy and Bissell isn't going to clean it up. But through prayer and sincere love for each other we can work together as a team and take on life's challenges with as much vigor as a pirate takes over a ship.
5. My musical talents and abilities. I have abandoned and forsaken so many of them. I truly am blessed with blessings to write music, play many instruments, and sing well and I have to try not to waste that. I'm still working on it lol.
6. My ambitions to further my education. I have always excelled at school and have this incredible thirst to learn everything I can get my hands on. I just need to pick something and stick with it as long as I can and hopefully I'll find what it is I'm supposed to accomplish but I'll never get anything done wondering about it. BYU independent here I come!
7. My need for friends. It has been a struggle for me to make friends that I feel as close to as the ones I've had back home and I have made several efforts here but I will occasionally get weird, uncomfortable looks. The ones I do feel close to I'm not sure they feel close to me at all. But I will never give up trying to find that handful of friends that I can bare my soul to without fear of judgement.
8. My house. My house bugs me the way it was built. But instead of trying to make it how it should have been I need to work the problem and do the very best I can to create house I can smile at and feel completely comfortable in and I need to be patient because, duh, that takes time.
9. My husband. I need to be more expressive to my husband when I need to have time just the two of us. He usually is busy doing something or reminds me of all of the kids commitments to things but I really need to stop being shy and speak up when I need time with him. As you all know none of us are mind readers. ( well maybe some of you lol )
10. Forgiveness. When people wrong me and honestly apologize to me I am quick to forgive and try to move on from it. When I wrong myself, it's unbearable to me. I can't walk away, I can't look in the mirror and see someone else every day, and I can't escape my own head reminding me all the time. I need to work on allowing myself mistakes and choose to learn as fast as I can from them but also to let them go instead of allowing those memories to flood my mind and hurt myself all over again. Need to have mind control on myself maybe that's what I need to invent lol.
2. My idea of the perfect woman. I need to look myself in the mirror and remember everything I've overcome and accomplished in life instead of thinking about all the things I fall short on.
3. My idea of the perfect body. I had the closest to the perfect body when I was in high school, working out, and playing soccer. I have to let that go and realize that children and Motherhood change everything and I should wear my stretch marks with honor instead of embarrassment.
4. My idea of the perfect family. Life is messy and Bissell isn't going to clean it up. But through prayer and sincere love for each other we can work together as a team and take on life's challenges with as much vigor as a pirate takes over a ship.
5. My musical talents and abilities. I have abandoned and forsaken so many of them. I truly am blessed with blessings to write music, play many instruments, and sing well and I have to try not to waste that. I'm still working on it lol.
6. My ambitions to further my education. I have always excelled at school and have this incredible thirst to learn everything I can get my hands on. I just need to pick something and stick with it as long as I can and hopefully I'll find what it is I'm supposed to accomplish but I'll never get anything done wondering about it. BYU independent here I come!
7. My need for friends. It has been a struggle for me to make friends that I feel as close to as the ones I've had back home and I have made several efforts here but I will occasionally get weird, uncomfortable looks. The ones I do feel close to I'm not sure they feel close to me at all. But I will never give up trying to find that handful of friends that I can bare my soul to without fear of judgement.
8. My house. My house bugs me the way it was built. But instead of trying to make it how it should have been I need to work the problem and do the very best I can to create house I can smile at and feel completely comfortable in and I need to be patient because, duh, that takes time.
9. My husband. I need to be more expressive to my husband when I need to have time just the two of us. He usually is busy doing something or reminds me of all of the kids commitments to things but I really need to stop being shy and speak up when I need time with him. As you all know none of us are mind readers. ( well maybe some of you lol )
10. Forgiveness. When people wrong me and honestly apologize to me I am quick to forgive and try to move on from it. When I wrong myself, it's unbearable to me. I can't walk away, I can't look in the mirror and see someone else every day, and I can't escape my own head reminding me all the time. I need to work on allowing myself mistakes and choose to learn as fast as I can from them but also to let them go instead of allowing those memories to flood my mind and hurt myself all over again. Need to have mind control on myself maybe that's what I need to invent lol.
Friday, September 7, 2012
Do I really have to go?!
I really hate doctor's offices. I rarely spent much time in any as a child other than to update my shots and get the occasional stitch. I come from a childhood filled with tree climbing, jumping off of buildings we're not supposed to, and almost of more than one occasion being dragged by a horse or two. But you know we chalk that up to life and think it's awesome. But once I hit about 12 years of age I started visiting doctor's offices a lot more often.
First thing they discovered was asthma. Was NOT happy about that at all that's a lifetime commitment to inhalers and I wasn't too fond of them to begin with when other people used them. From then on it was like my immune system crashed. I got the chicken pox twice and there is no amount of calamine lotion in the world that would help you. Even if you filled a pool or bath tub full of calamine lotion the only thing that would help is it would have been harder for your mother to see you scratch. I still have scars from that. Then it was tension headaches that would last for months at a time. I'd rather be dead it's amazing I lived through that because just standing up from bed and my heart pumping a little bit faster was light take a sledge hammer to my temples. Then came anemia which they said was easy to control just eat more beef and being from Alberta that's no problem.
But then there was a severe case of depression following a 3 year case of anorexia. Just like every other girl in Junior High and High School I stopped eating and when I did it was either tiny amounts or add some bulimia. Some of you reading this are going "holy crap!" isn't it wonderful that doctor's have to keep their mouths shut? I do like that part a really lot! The depression was pretty severe no one even in my family knows how bad and plenty of kids at school made fun of me for it not knowing what was really going on with me. I would have to say I hid it well in grades 10 and 11 but by the time I got to senior year I just didn't have the mental capacity or physical energy to hide it anymore.
I hated going to the doctor's office in high school for just about anything because they knew my history and would always check up on me. How annoying when doctors that have gone to 8+ years of medical schooling pretend to know everything. ( hehehehe) I always hated especially being weighed and I still hate it I will always hate it. If I weighed 90 lbs I would hate it and be hard on myself so I've spent a lifetime trying not to care about all that crap. As long as I'm healthy and happy that's all that matters. Life is just too short to constantly try fad diets, and pills, and programs that are ALWAYS temporary. I say just be who you are it's who you were always meant to be anyways. Just be the best you in the most important ways. I'm not saying give up and be unhealthy either. I'm saying get out there and do all the things that you love doing and stay active on your own terms and if it's something that makes you uncomfortable doing alone then don't do it you should be able to enjoy anything on your own terms.
I worked really hard on all of those other issues as soon as I graduated high school and it took a lot of strength I didn't even know I had to smile and mean it. But I did get there through friends and faith. It's my fault my family never really knew what was going on or didn't believe me when I told them I should have been more straight forward about it all and for that I apologize.
I will literally wait until the very last minute of a disease or medical problem that I'm having to call the doctor and even then, I have to talk myself into driving myself there and taking care of it. I get so uncomfortable sitting in the waiting room, I get all nervous and sweaty waiting for them to call my name and I'm always expecting harsh judgement when I get in there and speak with the doctor. Not once since I've moved to St Louis have I ever had my doctor be rude to me or even beat around the bush. We have very straight to the point honest conversations. I don't feel rushed once I see her, and I always leave feeling so much better that I addressed it and hope that I won't have to go back for at least a year. ( keep dreaming ) Now if my experiences are always good, why do I still dread and hate being there?
First thing they discovered was asthma. Was NOT happy about that at all that's a lifetime commitment to inhalers and I wasn't too fond of them to begin with when other people used them. From then on it was like my immune system crashed. I got the chicken pox twice and there is no amount of calamine lotion in the world that would help you. Even if you filled a pool or bath tub full of calamine lotion the only thing that would help is it would have been harder for your mother to see you scratch. I still have scars from that. Then it was tension headaches that would last for months at a time. I'd rather be dead it's amazing I lived through that because just standing up from bed and my heart pumping a little bit faster was light take a sledge hammer to my temples. Then came anemia which they said was easy to control just eat more beef and being from Alberta that's no problem.
But then there was a severe case of depression following a 3 year case of anorexia. Just like every other girl in Junior High and High School I stopped eating and when I did it was either tiny amounts or add some bulimia. Some of you reading this are going "holy crap!" isn't it wonderful that doctor's have to keep their mouths shut? I do like that part a really lot! The depression was pretty severe no one even in my family knows how bad and plenty of kids at school made fun of me for it not knowing what was really going on with me. I would have to say I hid it well in grades 10 and 11 but by the time I got to senior year I just didn't have the mental capacity or physical energy to hide it anymore.
I hated going to the doctor's office in high school for just about anything because they knew my history and would always check up on me. How annoying when doctors that have gone to 8+ years of medical schooling pretend to know everything. ( hehehehe) I always hated especially being weighed and I still hate it I will always hate it. If I weighed 90 lbs I would hate it and be hard on myself so I've spent a lifetime trying not to care about all that crap. As long as I'm healthy and happy that's all that matters. Life is just too short to constantly try fad diets, and pills, and programs that are ALWAYS temporary. I say just be who you are it's who you were always meant to be anyways. Just be the best you in the most important ways. I'm not saying give up and be unhealthy either. I'm saying get out there and do all the things that you love doing and stay active on your own terms and if it's something that makes you uncomfortable doing alone then don't do it you should be able to enjoy anything on your own terms.
I worked really hard on all of those other issues as soon as I graduated high school and it took a lot of strength I didn't even know I had to smile and mean it. But I did get there through friends and faith. It's my fault my family never really knew what was going on or didn't believe me when I told them I should have been more straight forward about it all and for that I apologize.
I will literally wait until the very last minute of a disease or medical problem that I'm having to call the doctor and even then, I have to talk myself into driving myself there and taking care of it. I get so uncomfortable sitting in the waiting room, I get all nervous and sweaty waiting for them to call my name and I'm always expecting harsh judgement when I get in there and speak with the doctor. Not once since I've moved to St Louis have I ever had my doctor be rude to me or even beat around the bush. We have very straight to the point honest conversations. I don't feel rushed once I see her, and I always leave feeling so much better that I addressed it and hope that I won't have to go back for at least a year. ( keep dreaming ) Now if my experiences are always good, why do I still dread and hate being there?
Thursday, August 30, 2012
Ahhh the Trip Home.....seriously!?
I will never be the type of woman to say that family vacations are boring or perfect. Not true, never true, never can be true. If you say it is I'll go out on a limb and call you a liar. With so many dynamics and personalities the individuals that make up families create what looks like on occasion conformed chaos lol. But we all know, no.
Was a tearful goodbye for all of us. I really miss my home, the smells, the sights, my family and friends. My children are still very much attached to Alberta and wish that they could stay. My parents who now live so far away from us value, as do we, our time together as a family. That feeling you get when everyone is together, everyone is happy and healthy, it's a great feeling of peace and joy. Who wouldn't want to feel that as often as possible? All our gear packed up, was a chilly morning due to the wind. There's always an ere or excitement and sadness when you go back home, the party's over.
It was an enjoyable drive to the border staring at the mountains in the background with canola fields in front. So beautiful. At the border (Coutts)we finally get to go through the East Germany looking building which I still can't help but giggle at when I see it I'm sorry but it's funny to me our paranoid societies have reasons and I get that but I guess I figure it's gonna happen anyways so this building makes me giggle. The border guard we met with was awesome a great and wonderful example of the US. He was direct but very kind and practical. Unlike this other woman at the other border nearby (Del Bonita) who is anything but normal I'd ask if that was a pickle or a stick but I'm sure she'd detain me all day long just for spite sooooooo, we'll stick with this guy.
Once in the States a feeling of relief and missing take hold of me. Glad to be back in the States but sad to leave my home. We stopped in Great Falls at the local market for breakfast and to fill up, which to me is also just like home I've been there so many times, and then off we went. About a half hour drive out of Great Falls you could smell it. Campfire smell. We purposefully didn't drive down to Utah partially for that reason. Wildfires. You could see where it had ravaged these hills taking homes and fences and other buildings with it. There were hummers and tents sprawled out for miles with people looking at maps and talking on the phone. The trees and grasses were stills smoking as we drove through. The closer we got to Billings the thicker the smoke started to become and we knew there was going to be a lot more of this driving to come. It was like driving through red air. Usually you have a good visual of Devil's Tower from the interstate in Wyoming but the smoke was so unbelievably thick you could barely see to the end of the hills right beside you. Great for an asthmatic! ( no I forgot my inhaler Mom but I was ok)
We decided to hoof it on our first day and make it as near to Rapid City,SD as we could. Also knowing that we were doing the longest part of our journey I made reservations at a hotel for the night so that I could shower and crash. So happy I chose that! Setting up camp when you're exhausted just doesn't work all that well. Like most people we find ourselves fighting over stupid crap, the pole goes here no it goes there, well how about I take this pole and.....you get the picture.
It definitely was not like in the brochure lol. Scary when we say that right? A little smaller and dingier especially next to the Comfort Inn Suites across the parking lot. Was like looking at a hallelujah hotel that I wouldn't be staying at and turned to our hotel where you can hear the crickets. Didn't care as long as the bedding was clean lol. They had a small but deeper pool and hot tub at this hotel which my kids planned on going into the second we walked in the door and they could smell the chlorine. My kids do that at EVERY single hotel we go to. Mom and Dad tired from traveling, kids smell chlorine and automatically assume they must put on their gear the second we open the door to our room. Even though they're older, today was no exception. I opted to read and allow them to take their baby sister into the pool who is anything but careful which is why I read maybe 4 lines of my book the entire 2 hours I was there.
Finally everyone munching and putting pajamas on, watching old movies and one by one we dropped like flies. Literally. Not one of us was tucked into bed. Nate fell asleep on the floor listening to music(he was stretching out his back), I was asleep face down on the foot of the bed (drooling), and the kids were sprawled out on the bed next to us lightly snoring already. The only one who looked comfy was our toddler girl who was sleeping beside Mommy tucked into her blanket so I got up and moved her to the crib provided by the hotel, pulled down the bed for the kids, tapped the hubby to get up here it's better to sleep in and went back to blissful sleep. No one at this hotel was noisy, no talking loud, no loud tv, no slamming doors. I decided that I really liked this hotel after all.
Morning comes and you can still smell a little smoke but the rain is taking that away. Wait, the rain? We're camping tonight. Hopefully it's just local. Goodbye Spearfish, we've enjoyed our stay, hello boring paved roads filled with I'm too cool for school old man drivers with their convertibles wishing they was twenty again. Worst drivers ever! I always thought old men with hats, but nope I stand corrected after this trip.
About 2-3 hours into driving we notice something. Something awful. Our baby has swollen tonsils. The way we found out? Our 12 year old son was making faces with her in the back seat and noticed her tongue and throat looked "weird". I asked baby girl to look at Mom and make that face, Dad was glancing in the rear view and could see what I saw. Swollen tonsils. Now at this point some of you are oh no how awful but let me quickly explain tonsils to you. I promise you that at more times than one in your life without any serious infection associated with it you yourselves have had swollen tonsils on occasion. As long as the patient isn't complaining about a sore throat and is eating and drinking just fine you do NOTHING. The body can and will take care of it. I called our doctor back home and let her know we were on our way home but wouldn't be there until the next day. But I also made sure she understood our baby girl wasn't complaining and seemed perfectly happy. She said what I thought she'd say. Do nothing and come in if she complains. I love my doctor. I love having small town doctor mom who doesn't worry she just matter of factly puts stuff out there. Sooooo my kinda person.
We notice after lunch that it's getting hotter and hotter every time we stop. By the time we had lunch we were basically through South Dakota and heading south on I-29 to our campsite near Omaha. When we finally stopped for gas and to find something to take to our campsite for dinner it was about 39 C and humid. Just great when you have a baby. Just peachy! We get to our campsite and are almost immediately greeted with a man with a beer in his hand asking if we know who the guy that's supposed to be camping next to us is. Seriously? This is an amazingly beautiful campground by the way. We are right on the lake. Lapping waves are gonna rock me to sleep. Maybe....
We had the most eventful night I think I've had in years that night. While we were setting up camp and the sun is setting it is now 43 C and humid. Sweat is pouring off of us as we set up our tents and air mattresses. So much so that by the time it's dusk we need to change our clothes because we are soaked. I already explained the whole grumpy fighting over stupid stuff right? Only this time it's not with each other. We see fireworks in the distance over the lake so beautiful and quiet. They are far enough away that you can't hear them but you see all the amazing colors. We figure we should probably turn in even though it's this hot and there's only the tiniest breeze ( please bring more wind please please). Our 'neighbors' have other plans. And on top of that the down the site from us people have other plans too. There is a park ranger that literally goes around reminding everyone that 10pm is the campgrounds quiet time. They have a no noise ordinance in that camp ground from 10pm-7am it's a State Park. Don't think any of our neighbors except that woman across from us got it.
The 'neighbors' down the way are getting louder and louder as time goes on. Drunker, less clothing, even yelling at cheering by 11pm. Our 'neighbors' right beside us are getting edgier and drunker and more aggressive as time passes. Hubby wanders over to the down the way peeps and asks if they can keep it down we have children trying to sleep ( especially our toddler in this heat )they are rude, abusive and don't seem to care. I tried calling the park they have no after hours line, something they need to fix because most State Parks do. Then while I'm doing that a fight breaks out right beside the kids tent. At this point I'm dialing 911. I explain to dispatch where I am they patch me through the police are sent we wait about 40 mins for him to show up. In that time Hubby has asked the peeps next to us to please settle down we have kids here again thanks to beer abusive comments. I state loud enough for them to hear it's ok honey I already called the police. Utter silence. They START setting up their tent ( almost midnight) and trying not to yell at each other because they can't see.
When the policeman arrives at this point I'm so hot and sweaty and tired I just long for some sleep. He was extremely polite and kind to me it must have shown how tired I was. I explained we had traveled from Spearfish, SD that day with 3 kids and one of them is 2 years old. I explained in detail the two instances but told him the ones beside us had calmed down. He said he'd take care of it, you have a good night sweetheart ( awww so sweet ) and then proceeded to drive towards our down the way 'neighbors'. He immediately puts a spotlight on them, yells and whistles at them to 'get out here'. Asked them roughly if they were being obnoxious and causing trouble for 'this nice family behind me'. They denied it, he yelled at them again. Then they said hubby was rude to them asking them to be quiet. Policeman laughs and reminds them of the ordinance they're breaking and warns them if he has to come out again they'll spend the night in jail. Ahhhhhh, peace and satisfaction. Now if only I could get a breeze!
Hubby of course is now nervous in case all these people turn on us in our sleep. I am not nervous at all and fall asleep.
In the morning both neighbors apologized profusely to us especially me. I was more than happy to accept their apologies and suggest that maybe those ones set up their tent sooner and make sure their girlfriends want to camp in the first place and to the others you can't just act like this is party central with all these families around here. He takes a minute to look around and sees all the kids. That'll do it.
Home again home again to excessive heat! Tree's leaves everywhere it's a mess. House is still standing and pillow is beckoning. At least I can say now that's a family vacation!
Was a tearful goodbye for all of us. I really miss my home, the smells, the sights, my family and friends. My children are still very much attached to Alberta and wish that they could stay. My parents who now live so far away from us value, as do we, our time together as a family. That feeling you get when everyone is together, everyone is happy and healthy, it's a great feeling of peace and joy. Who wouldn't want to feel that as often as possible? All our gear packed up, was a chilly morning due to the wind. There's always an ere or excitement and sadness when you go back home, the party's over.
It was an enjoyable drive to the border staring at the mountains in the background with canola fields in front. So beautiful. At the border (Coutts)we finally get to go through the East Germany looking building which I still can't help but giggle at when I see it I'm sorry but it's funny to me our paranoid societies have reasons and I get that but I guess I figure it's gonna happen anyways so this building makes me giggle. The border guard we met with was awesome a great and wonderful example of the US. He was direct but very kind and practical. Unlike this other woman at the other border nearby (Del Bonita) who is anything but normal I'd ask if that was a pickle or a stick but I'm sure she'd detain me all day long just for spite sooooooo, we'll stick with this guy.
Once in the States a feeling of relief and missing take hold of me. Glad to be back in the States but sad to leave my home. We stopped in Great Falls at the local market for breakfast and to fill up, which to me is also just like home I've been there so many times, and then off we went. About a half hour drive out of Great Falls you could smell it. Campfire smell. We purposefully didn't drive down to Utah partially for that reason. Wildfires. You could see where it had ravaged these hills taking homes and fences and other buildings with it. There were hummers and tents sprawled out for miles with people looking at maps and talking on the phone. The trees and grasses were stills smoking as we drove through. The closer we got to Billings the thicker the smoke started to become and we knew there was going to be a lot more of this driving to come. It was like driving through red air. Usually you have a good visual of Devil's Tower from the interstate in Wyoming but the smoke was so unbelievably thick you could barely see to the end of the hills right beside you. Great for an asthmatic! ( no I forgot my inhaler Mom but I was ok)
We decided to hoof it on our first day and make it as near to Rapid City,SD as we could. Also knowing that we were doing the longest part of our journey I made reservations at a hotel for the night so that I could shower and crash. So happy I chose that! Setting up camp when you're exhausted just doesn't work all that well. Like most people we find ourselves fighting over stupid crap, the pole goes here no it goes there, well how about I take this pole and.....you get the picture.
It definitely was not like in the brochure lol. Scary when we say that right? A little smaller and dingier especially next to the Comfort Inn Suites across the parking lot. Was like looking at a hallelujah hotel that I wouldn't be staying at and turned to our hotel where you can hear the crickets. Didn't care as long as the bedding was clean lol. They had a small but deeper pool and hot tub at this hotel which my kids planned on going into the second we walked in the door and they could smell the chlorine. My kids do that at EVERY single hotel we go to. Mom and Dad tired from traveling, kids smell chlorine and automatically assume they must put on their gear the second we open the door to our room. Even though they're older, today was no exception. I opted to read and allow them to take their baby sister into the pool who is anything but careful which is why I read maybe 4 lines of my book the entire 2 hours I was there.
Finally everyone munching and putting pajamas on, watching old movies and one by one we dropped like flies. Literally. Not one of us was tucked into bed. Nate fell asleep on the floor listening to music(he was stretching out his back), I was asleep face down on the foot of the bed (drooling), and the kids were sprawled out on the bed next to us lightly snoring already. The only one who looked comfy was our toddler girl who was sleeping beside Mommy tucked into her blanket so I got up and moved her to the crib provided by the hotel, pulled down the bed for the kids, tapped the hubby to get up here it's better to sleep in and went back to blissful sleep. No one at this hotel was noisy, no talking loud, no loud tv, no slamming doors. I decided that I really liked this hotel after all.
Morning comes and you can still smell a little smoke but the rain is taking that away. Wait, the rain? We're camping tonight. Hopefully it's just local. Goodbye Spearfish, we've enjoyed our stay, hello boring paved roads filled with I'm too cool for school old man drivers with their convertibles wishing they was twenty again. Worst drivers ever! I always thought old men with hats, but nope I stand corrected after this trip.
About 2-3 hours into driving we notice something. Something awful. Our baby has swollen tonsils. The way we found out? Our 12 year old son was making faces with her in the back seat and noticed her tongue and throat looked "weird". I asked baby girl to look at Mom and make that face, Dad was glancing in the rear view and could see what I saw. Swollen tonsils. Now at this point some of you are oh no how awful but let me quickly explain tonsils to you. I promise you that at more times than one in your life without any serious infection associated with it you yourselves have had swollen tonsils on occasion. As long as the patient isn't complaining about a sore throat and is eating and drinking just fine you do NOTHING. The body can and will take care of it. I called our doctor back home and let her know we were on our way home but wouldn't be there until the next day. But I also made sure she understood our baby girl wasn't complaining and seemed perfectly happy. She said what I thought she'd say. Do nothing and come in if she complains. I love my doctor. I love having small town doctor mom who doesn't worry she just matter of factly puts stuff out there. Sooooo my kinda person.
We notice after lunch that it's getting hotter and hotter every time we stop. By the time we had lunch we were basically through South Dakota and heading south on I-29 to our campsite near Omaha. When we finally stopped for gas and to find something to take to our campsite for dinner it was about 39 C and humid. Just great when you have a baby. Just peachy! We get to our campsite and are almost immediately greeted with a man with a beer in his hand asking if we know who the guy that's supposed to be camping next to us is. Seriously? This is an amazingly beautiful campground by the way. We are right on the lake. Lapping waves are gonna rock me to sleep. Maybe....
We had the most eventful night I think I've had in years that night. While we were setting up camp and the sun is setting it is now 43 C and humid. Sweat is pouring off of us as we set up our tents and air mattresses. So much so that by the time it's dusk we need to change our clothes because we are soaked. I already explained the whole grumpy fighting over stupid stuff right? Only this time it's not with each other. We see fireworks in the distance over the lake so beautiful and quiet. They are far enough away that you can't hear them but you see all the amazing colors. We figure we should probably turn in even though it's this hot and there's only the tiniest breeze ( please bring more wind please please). Our 'neighbors' have other plans. And on top of that the down the site from us people have other plans too. There is a park ranger that literally goes around reminding everyone that 10pm is the campgrounds quiet time. They have a no noise ordinance in that camp ground from 10pm-7am it's a State Park. Don't think any of our neighbors except that woman across from us got it.
The 'neighbors' down the way are getting louder and louder as time goes on. Drunker, less clothing, even yelling at cheering by 11pm. Our 'neighbors' right beside us are getting edgier and drunker and more aggressive as time passes. Hubby wanders over to the down the way peeps and asks if they can keep it down we have children trying to sleep ( especially our toddler in this heat )they are rude, abusive and don't seem to care. I tried calling the park they have no after hours line, something they need to fix because most State Parks do. Then while I'm doing that a fight breaks out right beside the kids tent. At this point I'm dialing 911. I explain to dispatch where I am they patch me through the police are sent we wait about 40 mins for him to show up. In that time Hubby has asked the peeps next to us to please settle down we have kids here again thanks to beer abusive comments. I state loud enough for them to hear it's ok honey I already called the police. Utter silence. They START setting up their tent ( almost midnight) and trying not to yell at each other because they can't see.
When the policeman arrives at this point I'm so hot and sweaty and tired I just long for some sleep. He was extremely polite and kind to me it must have shown how tired I was. I explained we had traveled from Spearfish, SD that day with 3 kids and one of them is 2 years old. I explained in detail the two instances but told him the ones beside us had calmed down. He said he'd take care of it, you have a good night sweetheart ( awww so sweet ) and then proceeded to drive towards our down the way 'neighbors'. He immediately puts a spotlight on them, yells and whistles at them to 'get out here'. Asked them roughly if they were being obnoxious and causing trouble for 'this nice family behind me'. They denied it, he yelled at them again. Then they said hubby was rude to them asking them to be quiet. Policeman laughs and reminds them of the ordinance they're breaking and warns them if he has to come out again they'll spend the night in jail. Ahhhhhh, peace and satisfaction. Now if only I could get a breeze!
Hubby of course is now nervous in case all these people turn on us in our sleep. I am not nervous at all and fall asleep.
In the morning both neighbors apologized profusely to us especially me. I was more than happy to accept their apologies and suggest that maybe those ones set up their tent sooner and make sure their girlfriends want to camp in the first place and to the others you can't just act like this is party central with all these families around here. He takes a minute to look around and sees all the kids. That'll do it.
Home again home again to excessive heat! Tree's leaves everywhere it's a mess. House is still standing and pillow is beckoning. At least I can say now that's a family vacation!
Thursday, August 16, 2012
Family Friends and Family Reunion....of sorts
Anywho.
We all enjoyed resting and relaxing, while kids found friends again at the pool and went shopping. Was nice to have a lazy summers day just chatting, playing cards. ( note to self don't play gin rummy with hubby anymore he always wins)
Along with rest and relaxation came surprises. Not to me though, I got to be the one to shock. ( hehehe love it) I called my good ole father in law to say hello there how are you with some fairly minor chit chatting and family updates. I asked him if he'd be interested in having dinner with us the following evening. Stone silence. I can only assume from confusion because as far as he knows we're in Missouri not Alberta lol. Then I mentioned that I was yes calling from my Missouri cell phone from my Alberta mom's house living room. Complete and utter shock. I think he stopped breathing at one point and all I could do was first ask 'Are you ok?' and second burst out laughing. Best part of the day was that conversation. He mumbled some stuff not sure what it was exactly because I was too busy giggling up a storm. ( hopefully I didn't snort that's embarrassing)
Next day, ahhhh sleeping in is awesome I really really like it! We decided to get up and enjoy our day shopping. We had promised the kids some early back to school shopping whilst we were in Canada so that's what we did, although with a nice, beautiful, wonderful, once in a very long lifetime twist, Mom got to go on a shopping spree! Woohoooooo! My favorite store, Additionelle, is in Lethbridge and I love love being able to shop for designer outfits ( not walmart old lady fat stuff) and enjoy what I'm wearing despite my chubby sized, curvy self. Even fat chicks gotta look good you know? I could have easily spent over 600 hundred in that store it's amazing! But instead I settled for half that trying to be "frugal" as much as I could considering I haven't gone shopping like that since I attended a wedding up there a few years ago. Despite the shoe store nearby ( if you know me you know I'm addicted could try on everything) I refrained and moved on to allow the kids the buy what they may for the next school year which took quite a bit of time. Thought I was picky, sheesh!
We really enjoyed seeing in laws greet us at the Montana's restaurant. As always they were surprised at how much the children grew, totally understandable. They asked the kids a lot of questions which is good you know because then I get to know what they been doing and not telling me about right? It was great to hear the chatter and the laughter and see all these lit up happy faces. Made my day. (as did the shopping spree woohoo)
Friday! Another enjoyable restful day of goofing off and meeting up with friends of mine this time. So great to see friends. I love them. I miss them terribly. Once you've established such good solid friendships with people that not only you stand at their worst but they can stand you back and still love is precious and rare. Hard not to miss people like that. Had an outdoor meal with the bugs and the birds. Children running around chasing and playing having fun, and our toddler girl lifting up the melting ice cream bucket and you could literally see her tongue in there licking it alllll up. Good times.
My parents are fortunate to live in a town where almost everyone has a bon fire pit in their backyards. You can't burn garbage in town, but you can burn your yard clippings and have bon fires for the purpose of parties which our family grew up doing all the time with all the neighbors. Felt like I had gone back in time a little bit toasting marshmallows and making s'mores. Sticky but oh so gooooood. It was also nice to vent a little bit with my bestest friend. So nice to be able to talk about anything and let it all out about everyone and everything after "dealing with it" all that time. Ahhh peace of mind. I was sad to say goodbye.
Morning comes and as always where there is a Canada Day Parade it has to be hot enough to burn us all as we watch the parade. We joined our cousins once again on my Dad's side to take in the festivities ( as much as small towns go it was nice) and watch our toddler's face because this was her very first parade. She had no prior knowledge that floats and cars would be throwing candy her way but she sure caught on fast. Albeit the other children around her were faster so she had some help from her older brother and cousin to fill up her candy bag. When the parade was over and we walked back to my Aunt's house for a visit, which I enjoyed, realization that I've missed my family and I'm used to them always being around set in. Was hard to say goodbye to my Aunt, I love her so.
From one family to the next we traveled home to Mom and Dad's and Mom's side of the family was about to arrive. My cousin and her husband and their sweet little girl and my Mom's younger sister and her husband came in to town. Other cousins had been detained although it would have been incredible to be able to play catch up with them and see how much their kids have grown. Was a nice relaxing evening filled with .....bbq....mmmmmmmm ( taking a moment to relfect). Not to mention our eldest daughter turned 14. (sighs) It's getting harder to call her a kid now, young woman might be in order. (bossy young woman) Oh shoot she might be reading this, I love you! Apple of my eye, fruit of my loins, sunshine smile girl. ( when you smile) Ok, seriously the last one I promise! The birthday cake was an assortment of cheesecakes, yummmmmmmm...........................what was I saying again? Oh yeah, Happy Birthday!
We journeyed the next day as a family to Waterton National Park, where they let us in for free. Was really hard for me not to take a gazillion pictures since Missouri is definitely lacking in Rocky Mountains, which I had grown accustom to seeing often growing up and in my adulthood. Was a mixed up day if you ask me, beautiful and breathtaking when it was sunny, then 5 mins later, cold miserable rain. Of course it just had to show up as we were eating lunch. Murphy's law. ( stupid Murphy )
And then there is, the 'potty'. A tremendous whole dug in the mountainous ground with a piece of plywood formed into a seat with an actual toilet seat cover. You could see on the wall that they had made every effort to cut down on...................THE SMELL. The best way to have it smell a little fresher is to have open windows not closed cake in the heat kind. Ew. But they did have hand sanitizing foam and toilet paper so that's good. Although I still can't sit on those things, I hover. Don't like 'em.
We wandered down to the town sight and the falls, of course when we got out, it started to rain. Yup. (sighs) I've seen them plenty and we had a very curious 2 yr old who wanted to see them until it really started to rain, she hates rain, she used to scream 'Rain! Rain!' whenever we drove in it so heading to a large tree for some shelter was okay with her no more I want to see the falls up close. ( Thank Heavens) We also headed to the big Waterton Lake. It is such a beautiful setting of clean mountain water with green mountains cascading behind it and beside it. The youngest two girls sure enjoyed tossing in and skipping rocks with their dads. Was a beautiful setting to watch. I almost started to cry because my heart ached at the very thought of leaving the mountains. It's inexplicable in words how happy I feel in the mountains. Would live there if I could in a heartbeat! I hope someday. It started to rain and pour. I got soaked.
We headed over to a campground site and shared a camp kitchen with a lovely muslim family who was having a picnic on the one side and offered us the other table. It was sunny when we got there. We pulled out our grill to cook the hamburgers and hot dogs and had to use ketchup as our bbq sauce ( poor man's sauce lol) was still very yummy and I really had fun talking with everyone and finding out what everyone has been doing and especially, watching my mom with her sister. They are amazing to watch. It is obvious and apparent how much they love each other and how giddy and happy they get when they are together. So great to be a part of. My mom has always had a close family. I truly hope that someday my children will be the same because they are driving me nuts with their fighting. ( understatement ) And it popped into my head that we were most likely heading home the next day. Bummer. But at the same time, what an adventure.
We actually didn't get to Salt Lake City as we had intended to visit with hubby's sister and family. He opted to allow us all to stay a couple of extra days with my side of the family and rest and relax a little bit more before travelling that great distance home again. He also did it because he really loves his children and he could see how much they loved and missed their friends and opted to allow them more time with them. He's an awesome dad.
The trip home? Well that is completely another blog filled with excessive heat and police.....
We all enjoyed resting and relaxing, while kids found friends again at the pool and went shopping. Was nice to have a lazy summers day just chatting, playing cards. ( note to self don't play gin rummy with hubby anymore he always wins)
Along with rest and relaxation came surprises. Not to me though, I got to be the one to shock. ( hehehe love it) I called my good ole father in law to say hello there how are you with some fairly minor chit chatting and family updates. I asked him if he'd be interested in having dinner with us the following evening. Stone silence. I can only assume from confusion because as far as he knows we're in Missouri not Alberta lol. Then I mentioned that I was yes calling from my Missouri cell phone from my Alberta mom's house living room. Complete and utter shock. I think he stopped breathing at one point and all I could do was first ask 'Are you ok?' and second burst out laughing. Best part of the day was that conversation. He mumbled some stuff not sure what it was exactly because I was too busy giggling up a storm. ( hopefully I didn't snort that's embarrassing)
Next day, ahhhh sleeping in is awesome I really really like it! We decided to get up and enjoy our day shopping. We had promised the kids some early back to school shopping whilst we were in Canada so that's what we did, although with a nice, beautiful, wonderful, once in a very long lifetime twist, Mom got to go on a shopping spree! Woohoooooo! My favorite store, Additionelle, is in Lethbridge and I love love being able to shop for designer outfits ( not walmart old lady fat stuff) and enjoy what I'm wearing despite my chubby sized, curvy self. Even fat chicks gotta look good you know? I could have easily spent over 600 hundred in that store it's amazing! But instead I settled for half that trying to be "frugal" as much as I could considering I haven't gone shopping like that since I attended a wedding up there a few years ago. Despite the shoe store nearby ( if you know me you know I'm addicted could try on everything) I refrained and moved on to allow the kids the buy what they may for the next school year which took quite a bit of time. Thought I was picky, sheesh!
We really enjoyed seeing in laws greet us at the Montana's restaurant. As always they were surprised at how much the children grew, totally understandable. They asked the kids a lot of questions which is good you know because then I get to know what they been doing and not telling me about right? It was great to hear the chatter and the laughter and see all these lit up happy faces. Made my day. (as did the shopping spree woohoo)
Friday! Another enjoyable restful day of goofing off and meeting up with friends of mine this time. So great to see friends. I love them. I miss them terribly. Once you've established such good solid friendships with people that not only you stand at their worst but they can stand you back and still love is precious and rare. Hard not to miss people like that. Had an outdoor meal with the bugs and the birds. Children running around chasing and playing having fun, and our toddler girl lifting up the melting ice cream bucket and you could literally see her tongue in there licking it alllll up. Good times.
My parents are fortunate to live in a town where almost everyone has a bon fire pit in their backyards. You can't burn garbage in town, but you can burn your yard clippings and have bon fires for the purpose of parties which our family grew up doing all the time with all the neighbors. Felt like I had gone back in time a little bit toasting marshmallows and making s'mores. Sticky but oh so gooooood. It was also nice to vent a little bit with my bestest friend. So nice to be able to talk about anything and let it all out about everyone and everything after "dealing with it" all that time. Ahhh peace of mind. I was sad to say goodbye.
Morning comes and as always where there is a Canada Day Parade it has to be hot enough to burn us all as we watch the parade. We joined our cousins once again on my Dad's side to take in the festivities ( as much as small towns go it was nice) and watch our toddler's face because this was her very first parade. She had no prior knowledge that floats and cars would be throwing candy her way but she sure caught on fast. Albeit the other children around her were faster so she had some help from her older brother and cousin to fill up her candy bag. When the parade was over and we walked back to my Aunt's house for a visit, which I enjoyed, realization that I've missed my family and I'm used to them always being around set in. Was hard to say goodbye to my Aunt, I love her so.
From one family to the next we traveled home to Mom and Dad's and Mom's side of the family was about to arrive. My cousin and her husband and their sweet little girl and my Mom's younger sister and her husband came in to town. Other cousins had been detained although it would have been incredible to be able to play catch up with them and see how much their kids have grown. Was a nice relaxing evening filled with .....bbq....mmmmmmmm ( taking a moment to relfect). Not to mention our eldest daughter turned 14. (sighs) It's getting harder to call her a kid now, young woman might be in order. (bossy young woman) Oh shoot she might be reading this, I love you! Apple of my eye, fruit of my loins, sunshine smile girl. ( when you smile) Ok, seriously the last one I promise! The birthday cake was an assortment of cheesecakes, yummmmmmmm...........................what was I saying again? Oh yeah, Happy Birthday!
We journeyed the next day as a family to Waterton National Park, where they let us in for free. Was really hard for me not to take a gazillion pictures since Missouri is definitely lacking in Rocky Mountains, which I had grown accustom to seeing often growing up and in my adulthood. Was a mixed up day if you ask me, beautiful and breathtaking when it was sunny, then 5 mins later, cold miserable rain. Of course it just had to show up as we were eating lunch. Murphy's law. ( stupid Murphy )
And then there is, the 'potty'. A tremendous whole dug in the mountainous ground with a piece of plywood formed into a seat with an actual toilet seat cover. You could see on the wall that they had made every effort to cut down on...................THE SMELL. The best way to have it smell a little fresher is to have open windows not closed cake in the heat kind. Ew. But they did have hand sanitizing foam and toilet paper so that's good. Although I still can't sit on those things, I hover. Don't like 'em.
We wandered down to the town sight and the falls, of course when we got out, it started to rain. Yup. (sighs) I've seen them plenty and we had a very curious 2 yr old who wanted to see them until it really started to rain, she hates rain, she used to scream 'Rain! Rain!' whenever we drove in it so heading to a large tree for some shelter was okay with her no more I want to see the falls up close. ( Thank Heavens) We also headed to the big Waterton Lake. It is such a beautiful setting of clean mountain water with green mountains cascading behind it and beside it. The youngest two girls sure enjoyed tossing in and skipping rocks with their dads. Was a beautiful setting to watch. I almost started to cry because my heart ached at the very thought of leaving the mountains. It's inexplicable in words how happy I feel in the mountains. Would live there if I could in a heartbeat! I hope someday. It started to rain and pour. I got soaked.
We headed over to a campground site and shared a camp kitchen with a lovely muslim family who was having a picnic on the one side and offered us the other table. It was sunny when we got there. We pulled out our grill to cook the hamburgers and hot dogs and had to use ketchup as our bbq sauce ( poor man's sauce lol) was still very yummy and I really had fun talking with everyone and finding out what everyone has been doing and especially, watching my mom with her sister. They are amazing to watch. It is obvious and apparent how much they love each other and how giddy and happy they get when they are together. So great to be a part of. My mom has always had a close family. I truly hope that someday my children will be the same because they are driving me nuts with their fighting. ( understatement ) And it popped into my head that we were most likely heading home the next day. Bummer. But at the same time, what an adventure.
We actually didn't get to Salt Lake City as we had intended to visit with hubby's sister and family. He opted to allow us all to stay a couple of extra days with my side of the family and rest and relax a little bit more before travelling that great distance home again. He also did it because he really loves his children and he could see how much they loved and missed their friends and opted to allow them more time with them. He's an awesome dad.
The trip home? Well that is completely another blog filled with excessive heat and police.....
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